Zodiac 202 (A how-to Zodiac)

Taurus

Not to be confused with the Minotaurus, the smaller cousin of the Taurus, Taurus, or bull, is quite the creature. masculine like none other, it is also quite delicate. In fact, all you need is a steak from a bull to satisfy your hunger, if you like me, are a descendant of the Vikings. In fact I only live from steak, though at times I eat other meats, just to give a bit of variety. But remember, a steak a day, keeps the vegetarian away! So, eat lots of meat my fellow Zodiacs, it will save you a lot of trouble. Or bring you some possibly. Either way, its a lovely way of living. A bit of salt on the steak, never hurts though, but always eat it at least medium rare. That way you get the best protein.

As you may have guessed, those borne under Taurus, are the body builders. And strangely, normally only men are borne under Taurus, but recently, Zodiacists (Fancy talk for professors of Zodiacism, just like Yours truly) have found that females have started to be birthed under Taurus, but seem to follow the same characteristics. They love to train their beautifully muscled bodies. They tan to match the colour of the bull, often not knowing its their call. they are usually quarterbacks, body builders as mentioned, body guards, buddies, anything involving the word body really. Usually short tempered though, they are usually friendly. Just, never wave a red carpet in front of their face, or wear something red when on a date with one.

So are you getting the knack of it? Feeling ready to know how a true master of Zodiacismic power can write a horoscope, so accurate, that even a Taurus reading at this very moment will experience exactly what it says while reading it? All right, let me show you.

"Bull: Why are you reading this? you already know what to do! Training and training and training. Pump those muscles, get ripped! Just, head to the gym, like, NOW!"

Did you notice a difference from the rest of the horoscopes? First of all I used the word "Bull" rather than Taurus. This is because the Taurus usually have a low intelligence, and wont understand the correct words for the star signs. Second, again due to the low intelligence of a Taurus, use straight forward wording, and direct guidance. No fancy vagueness here, so just relax on this one