Immature Infatuation - Bad Education

4

It was Monday morning and Harper was walking into school. Last week had been a confusing one, so she had spent the whole of her weekend laying in bed, listening to music and thinking.
She looked down at her phone, to see about four new messages from Jake. She huffed and clicked her phone off, but not before she unexpectedly ran into someone. Expecting it was some year 7 she stepped back and exclaimed in disgust. But, when her vision focused, she saw it was only Mitchell.
"Oh." She said, picking up her bag that she had dropped, "it's you."
He was grinning slightly, and was clearly amused.
"What are you so happy about?" She asked, and his smile quickly faded.
"Nothing, well besides being a human lamppost for you to walk into." He remarked, looking directly at her.
"Funny." She said, sarcastically, and breezed past him. He turned and watched her walk away, before shaking his head and walking to Form K.
Harper walked into the girls bathroom, but she came across the thing she least expected: Alfie and Joe in a stall together, peering at one of the walls.
"What.." was all she could muster before the two jumped out of their skin and stared at her.
"Woah." She said, stepping back slightly. "Don't shit yourselves it's only me."
They both heaved a sigh of relief.
"But," she continued, "and, I probably should've started with this: what the hell are you doing in the girls bathroom?"
"Not important." Alfie said, and she raised her hands up in confusion.
Joe, who looked slightly panicked, turned to Alfie.
"Come on! Or we'll get caught!" He paused for a moment. "Actually, if I get caught, does that mean I won't have to go on the French exchange trip?"
"Just shut up and keep guard!" Alfie snapped. "You can't rush art. This is my Sistine Chapel." He said proudly.
Harper, who by know was the most baffled she'd ever been in her whole life, strode over to what Alfie was looking admiringly at.
"Pickwells got a wang.." she read off the stall and looked at him. "Really." She said, bluntly.
"Why are you doing this?" Joe asked.
"Er, revenge!" Alfie responded, like it was the easiest question ever, "you've seen the gents', the slander all over the walls. It has Pickwell's name written all over it."
"No, it has your name written all over it." Harper remarked. Alfie looked at her.
"And when have you ever been in the gents?"
"I have my sources." She responded, smiling at the corners of her mouth slightly, and leaning against the stall door.
"So, Mitchell." Alfie said, plainly.
She smiled at him sarcastically.
Alfie looked back at Joe.
"Anyway, Pickwell is the only person in this school that hates me enough to write those mean things."
"What? About your weird feet?" Joe asked, and Alfie shot him a look. Harper looked at him, laughing.
"What's weird about your feet?"
"They're not weird, they're just flat and slightly webbed."
"Is that why you have to wear the special shoes?" Joe asked.
"You lot," Alfie said, pointing at Harper and Joe, "are just jealous because I am evolving quicker."
They both looked at him blankly.
"When the ice caps melt," He explained, "I will be swimming to safety like Kevin Costner in Waterworld."
"What's waterworld?" They both asked, Joe confused, Harper disgusted.
"What?" Alfie said, leaning forward, "you've never seen waterworld?"
Suddenly Pickwell's voice came echoing down the corridor and Joe peeked through the door.
"She's coming!" He whisper-shouted, and Alfie panicked.
"Shit! Hide!" He said frantically.
"There's no way out!" Joe said, panicking.
"The ventilation shaft!" Alfie said, standing on a toilet and bashing the small grate.
"How?" Joe said, exasperated.
"Haven't you seen die hard?" Alfie asked, looking down at Joe.
"It's an 18!" He protested.
"What?! ...First waterworld and now this." Alfie said, shaking his head. "What do they teach you people."
Harper, who did not want to be caught in a bathroom which had just been sabotaged, slipped into one of the stalls and locked the door. Alfie and Joe ducked down and did the same.
Suddenly, Pickwell burst through the door and strode into the middle stall. Silently, Harper stood on the toilet and looked over the top of the low cubicle wall, confused as to why Pickwell had not closed the door. She slowly looked down and saw Pickwell emptying a bottle of cider into the toilet, most likely confiscated from Grayson. Only just, she heard Alfie whisper from the other stall:
"I told you she had a wang."
Harper had to slap her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing, and, suddenly she heard a noise coming from the other stall. Pickwell looked up.
"Is everything alright in there?" She asked.
"Shit." Harper muttered under her breath, and she could sense Alfie and Joe arguing in the stall. Suddenly, a strained, high-pitched noise came from the Alfie and Joe's cubicle and Harper nearly fell off the toilet trying to hold in her laughter. And, eventually, Alfie made a plopping noise and Pickwell started to walk out, but not before noticing Alfie's art on the wall.
"Pathetic." She muttered, and drew an apostrophe between the letters 'L' and 'S' of her name.
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Alfie, Joe and Harper walked out the bathroom, Joe frazzled, Alfie relieved, and Harper snorting with laughter. But, they all stopped when they saw Frank Grayson and two of his goons standing behind him. Grayson was holding his phone up in front of him and taking a photo.
"It's dick and dick in da bungalow." He said.
"Well, that's actually a compliment," Alfie responded, "Because they won two children BAFTAs... What's this?" He asked.
"Taking a photo of you two butt nuggets leaving the ladies. I'm twitpickin' that shit!"
"Don't be a dick." Alfie scoffed.
"Chill out, flippers." He said, and his two mates laughed.
"I see you've been reading Pickwell's graffiti then." Alfie said, leaning forward.
"Nah, that's my graffiti, innit, jumper."
"Jumper?" Alfie said, confused.
"Yeah," Grayson said, "you're wearing a jumper. And jumpers are bent, mate."
"This is not bent." Alfie said, gesturing to his jumper. "This is Dries Van Noten. Marvin from JLS rocked one of these bad boys on the one show." He said proudly and Harper groaned. Grayson looked around and saw her.
"Oh," He said, laughing, "there's three of you. I see you invited a slut as well Wickers." Grayson said, smirking. Harper just ignored him.
"Look, just delete the picture." Joe said timidly.
"Shut up, chicken dippa." Grayson said, in a threatening manner.
"Please." Alfie said sincerely.
"And what if I don't?" Grayson said, turning back to Alfie.
"Then.. I will tell on you to a more senior member of staff."
Harper scoffed and the three boys laughed.
"You is brass, bruv."
"Oh, thank you." Alfie said, and Harper looked at him in disbelief.
"Tell you what." Grayson said, stepping towards Alfie, "I'll delete the photo if you do me a favour."
"Ok." Alfie said, smugly, "but I'm not getting involved in any of your gang nonsense. I've seen Kidulthood. I'm not killing anyone with a bat."
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    The whole of the school were gathered in the assembly hall for Stephen's assembly on gender equality and Harper, who refused to sit with anyone else but Chantelle and Stephen, reluctantly flopped down in a seat next to Mitchell. He looked up.
"Can I help you?" He asked, leaning back in his chair.
"Yes." She said, looking down at her phone, "don't talk to me."
"Yeah, that ain't gonna happen." He said, spreading his arms out. Harper slowly pushed one of his arms off the back of her seat and gave him a bored look. He simply shrugged.
"Fine." She said in a monotone voice. "But don't expect me to listen."
She clicked on her phone again and started tapping the side. A moment passed, and neither of them said anything. But, obviously, this was only for a second.
"Are you expecting a message?" He said, smirking slightly at his own amusement.
She ignored him and just stared at her phone. He started tapping the chair at the same time that she was tapping her phone. Slowly, she stopped and turned her head towards him. He mirrored the expression, still tapping. Suddenly, she leant back and slammed her hand against his. He immediately stopped. She raised her eyebrows slightly and he looked back at her, and then at her slightly small hand on top of his. A slight tinge of pink pooled on his cheeks and, satisfied with herself, Harper leant away and lifted her hand off of his, turning towards the stage. Finally, just in the nick of time, Stephen, Chantelle and two other girls stepped onto the stage. Suddenly, Jessie J's 'do it like a dude' started playing and the four students started blasting out some impressive - yet slightly inappropriate - choreography. The whole school started cheering and Harper whooped. Laughing, she turned around and looked at the teachers that lined the back of the hall.
Miss Gulliver looked shocked, Pickwell looked horrified, Alfie looked embarrassed, and Fraser was dancing along to the song. Harper tapped Mitchell's shoulder and he jumped slightly, but she ignored it and pointed to Fraser at the back. They both let out a loud laugh and she sighed and turned back to the front. But, in her peripheral vision, she could see Mitchell glancing at her for a second as he turned back around. She turned to look at him, a smile still plastered on her face from Fraser's antics.
"What?" She asked, quite breathless from laughing.
"Nothing." He shrugged, and quickly turned to look at the front.
After around a minute later, the 4 dancers finished and the entire school cheered. One parent, who was clearly quite furious, stormed out and Fraser tried to high five him. As the parent walked out, he shrugged.
"Not a fan of R'nB."
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    Chantelle and Stephen had just exited the stage, and Harper was waiting for them to come out. Mitchell was no more than three feet away, along with the rest of Form K, who were waiting for Alfie to take them back to class. Chantelle and Stephen jumped off the stage and ran up to Harper.
"What did you think?!" Chantelle squealed.
Harper stood up, grinning.
"It was great!" She smiled, and Stephen gave her a massive hug.
"I'm just sad you couldn't do it with us!" He complained.
Harper simply looked at both of them and smiled. But, then, she heaved a sigh of frustration at the sight of all the teachers gathered around an angry crowd of parents.
"It doesn't look like Alfie's coming back any time soon." Harper admitted, folding her arms.
"Let's just go." Chantelle said, rolling her eyes. And, as they walked out, the parents stared in exasperation at the words 'slut' and 'naughty' printed on the back of Stephen and Chantelle's sweatpants.
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    Form K were all sitting down, and had just been told that their parents were demanding they be taught a lesson about sex education, due to the impending arrival of the French exchange students. Harper scoffed and rolled her eyes, Chantelle seemed intrigued, Mitchell just laughed, and Jing was organising her stationary. Alfie put his hands on the desk and looked at us.
"So.." He said awkwardly, "we're all good talking about the..."
The whole class looked at him expectantly but he trailed off. Suddenly, he started rambling.
"Sex was invented by the Romans."
The whole class raised their eyebrows in disbelief and Alfie paused for a moment. He fumbled for a board marker.
    Several minutes passed and Alfie had drawn a variety of amateur diagrams on the whiteboard. By now, Harper had already placed her head in her hands and laid on the table. Eventually, he gave up and slammed the pen down.
"I give up!" He moaned. "I don't know how to do it!"
Harper lifted her head up and placed her chin on the desk, too tired to even tease Alfie. However, this was not the case for Mitchell.
"Sir, why don't you just draw a frog's dick so Joe knows what he'll be sucking on next week."
Harper let out a considerate laugh, but didn't sit up.
"You're an idiot." Alfie said to Mitchell, and he then looked at Joe. "Look, Joe," Alfie said giving him a sympathetic look, "you never know.. you might enjoy it."
"What the frog's dick or the French exchange?" Harper asked, half-heartedly, and Alfie gave her a slightly bored, and disgusted look.
"I'd rather shit in my hand and clap." Rem Dogg shouted from the back of the room and Harper grimaced.
"Sir?" Joe asked. "Why is it only me that has to go to a French farm and stay with a bunch of freaks?"
"Not all farmers are freaks." Alfie pointed out, matter-of-factly, "Alex James - he's in Blur."
"But they sent me some cheese - through the post."
"There you are - that's lovely." Alfie said, too ecstatically, and Harper cocked her eyebrow at him.
"Probably made form the Farmer's wife's tit milk!" Mitchell laughed, and Harper dragged her hands down her face.
"Don't be stupid." Alfie said to him, narrowing his eyes.
"They do that!" Mitchell replied. "I read it in nuts!"
"What?" Alfie said breathlessly.
"Yeah." Mitchell said, and Harper just shook her head.
"And you're going to have to wank off a cow." Stated Rem Dogg.
The whole class turned and looked at him.
"Why on earth would he have to do that?" Said Alfie, baffled.
"To get milk, you pagan." He responded, lifting his arms up.
"Do you seriously think that's where milk comes from?" Alfie said, leaning forward.
Mitchell and Rem Dogg nodded in confusion.
"Look, France isn't that bad." Alfie said, trying to make Joe feel better. "They've got loads of cool stuff like skiing and.. Poirot."
Jing muttered in Chinese under her breath and Alfie turned towards her.
"Er, Poirot, Jing, erm, he was a fictional detective created by Agatha Christie! You know.. murder on the Orient Express." He paused for a moment. "Don't worry they kill an American, not one of yours."
Harper had to stifle a laugh in the midst of the silence.
"I can't believe you've actually read a book." Jing said, pushing her glasses up her nose.
"Book?" Alfie said, scoffing, "I watched the TV show."
Suddenly, Alfie picked up a hat - in which we'd all put in questions about sex - and started to pull out pieces of paper.
"Okay, lets do this. And, remember it's all anonymous so you have nothing to worry about." He pulled out the first piece of paper and unfolded it. Clearing his throat, he began to read.
"Should I stop strangling if their lips turn blue? Okay I'm not even going to dignify that one with a response, Mitchell."
"Sir!" Mitchell yelled, throwing his hands up.
Alfie groaned and pulled out another slip of paper.
"Will any of the French boys be on grinder? I have no idea Stephen." Alfie said, looking at Stephen and flopping his arms down.
"Lucky dip then." Said Stephen, looking at Chantelle.
"Is it too much to ask to have a serious one?" Alfie complained, pulling out yet another piece of paper. "He's 23, I'm 15. How will it feel? Illegal, Chantelle!"
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    It was lunch and Harper was standing in the queue with Chantelle and Stephen. They were chatting about their hilarious class with Alfie. But, suddenly, when they had nearly reached the front of the queue Stephen started thinking out loud.
"Do you think any of the French boys will be proper fit?"
Harper turned to him and laughed slightly.
"I have no idea. But I have a hunch it may just be a stereotype."
Stephen sighed as they sat down.
"Well, I hope they are. Because, then maybe you," Stephen pointed a finger at Harper, "could finally find a liable boyfriend."
Harper snorted and they both just looked at her.
"Wait, you weren't joking?"
"Uh.. no!" Chantelle said, dramatically.
"Well, I wouldn't put your hopes up, even if some James Dean walks off that bus, I won't be interested."
"How do you know that?" Stephen said, placing a hand on his hip.
"Because 1. I don't need a boyfriend, 2. The chances of me getting a boyfriend are very slim and 3. I don't want a boyfriend."
Both of her friends huffed and there was a moment of silence.
"So do you have your eye on someone else?" Chantelle asked, leaning in.
"Oh my god." Harper muttered to herself.
And, before Chantelle or Stephen could continue arguing with her, Mitchell flopped down onto their table.
Harper, Chantelle and Stephen all looked at him as he put his bag under the table.
"Please, sit down." Harper said, gesturing to his seat and he exhaled.
"Look, no funny business." He paused for a moment. "I need your help."
"And, I need to pass my GCSEs but that's not going to happen either."
"Pariss, I'm not joking." He said, leaning on his hand, and she grimaced at the use of her last name.
"I have a big problem." He huffed.
"I mean, I think we all knew-"
He looked at her and she sighed.
"Fine! I'll stop!"
Chantelle looked at him sympathetically.
"What's going on, babe?"
He sat fully up, a serious expression on his face.
"I'll tell you but, please, don't laugh."
Chantelle and Stephen started speaking.
"No." Mitchell interrupted. "I'm talking to her." He pointed at Harper who didn't even look up, and just extended her middle finger at him. Mitchell breathed in slightly and looked at the three of them awkwardly.
"I think I'm in love.."
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!!!
New chapter coming soon!