Immature Infatuation - Bad Education

8

    Alfie and his 'team' - that consisted of about half of Form K - had been walking through the woods for about twenty five minutes. Alfie was drinking from a straw that came out of his backpack.
"Lilt goes flat so quickly." He mumbled, and Harper grimaced. "Oh, I love being outside," Alfie continued, "Reminds me of being in the scouts. Our scoutmaster, Mr Rogers, he was my hero."
"Aw, why?" Rosie asked, smiling. "What was he like?"
"So brave." Alfie gushed. "This one time, right, he fought off a bear."
"A bear?" Rosie scoffed, "In England?!"
"No. In Wales." Rosie gave him a look. "We'd all gone skinny dipping and we came back to the campsite and Mr Rogers had fought off this bear that had broken into our tents and eaten all of our clothes."
"Did you ever see this bear?" Rosie asked.
"No, but it must have been a very picky bear cos it didn't touch anything else... Not even the food."
"Was it a build-a-bear?" Harper asked slowly, and Alfie just looked at him and took another sip of lilt.
"Sir, wasn't there a sign on the road that said Tring was that way?" Jing asked breathlessly, pointing in the opposite direction.
"Signs. We don't need signs, Jing." Alfie exclaimed. "We're in the wild. This is the only sign I need.. wind sign!"
He suddenly, picked up a handful of leaves and crumpled them in his fist, the wind carried them a tiny bit forwards before they dropped on the floor.
"Yup, that's north. We get through these woods, we'll hit Tring."
"Unbelievable." Harper simply said.
"Thank you." Alfie said, curtsying.
"You reckon he's still hammered?" Mitchell asked, nudging the girl next to him.
"Undoubtedly." Harper responded, shaking her head.
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    The students had brought over some logs and were all sitting in a semi-circle. Alfie suddenly strode over and dropped a dead bird in front of them. Harper screamed slightly when she saw the dead animal in front of her, and almost fell off the log. But, she was pulled back up by Mitchell, who had caught her back.
She inhaled sharply as his grip slammed against the bruise on her back, and through her peripheral vision, she could see he looked concerned. However, she refused to say anything about it, and just readjusted her sitting.
"Thank you." She said quietly, and he shrugged, briefly glancing at her back.
"Lunch?" Alfie asked gleefully, and everyone looked at him in dismay. "Bear says you never know when you're going to be able to eat next."
"Did you kill this?!" Rosie gasped.
"Yep." Alfie said proudly. "Used my trowel."
"It looks like it's been dead for weeks." Jing stated matter-of-factly.
"Anyone want a forest berry?" Alfie asked, showing a handful of red berries.
"Don't!" Rosie yelled, and everyone jumped. "No, that's a yew berry. It's the most poisonous berry in Britain."
"Uh-uh! They're cranberries." Alfie protested. "I know that cos they're red."
"Yeah, well, I'm a biology teacher, so just trust me." Rosie said calmly.
"Anyone?" Alfie offered, looking around. "Jing? Come on. You guys eat anything... Like those poo-ey hundred-year-old eggs."
Jing stared him out and angrily spoke in Chinese.
"Urgh." Alfie complained. "Yeah, I'm sure they are delicious, but so are these berries!"
"Alfie, we've actually-" Rosie started, but Alfie cut her off.
"Anyone? No? Fine. More for me."
He threw a berry in his mouth and Rosie shook her head, Mitchell laughed, and Harper put her head in her hands.
"Mmmmm." Alfie said. "Yum, yum, yum." Suddenly, his face clenched up and his lips puckered. "Fizzy berry."
"Oh, screw this. I'm eating my rolls!" Rem Dogg shouted. Everyone brought containers out of their bags.
"What?!" Alfie asked in confusion.
"Packed lunch, bellend." Mitchell exclaimed, scoffing.
"I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen." Rosie explained. "Have some of mine."
"No." Alfie refused. "You eat your sandwiches with all of.. them." He gestured to the students, "I am feasting off Mother Nature. Ooh! A mushroom!" He said, picking up a rotting piece of fungi.
"Right." Rosie said.
"OK." Alfie started, leaning down next to the dead bird he 'killed', "How do you gut this?"
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"Come on, guys. We need to keep moving." Rosie said, slightly out of breath. Everyone had been walking for another hour and they were all exhausted. Harper was at the back of the group, dragging her feet and she jumped slightly at a noise behind her. She whipped her head around to see Alfie acting quite.. strange.
"Alfie?" She asked concerned.
"We're being followed." He whispered with wild eyes.
"Are you OK?" She asked slowly.
"His eyes look funny." Joe stated.
"He looks like my brother after he came back from Ibiza!" Mitchell scoffed, laughing.
"Alfie, do you know where we are?" Rosie said slowly. He looked down at a rock in front of him.
"Will somebody please tell that frog I do not want to smoke his pipe."
Everyone was silent, except for Harper, who threw the rock that Alfie was staring at down the hill. He screamed and she keeled over laughing. Suddenly, Rosie started shouting.
"People!" Everyone turned around, shocked. And, thank god, there were two men fishing by a lake a long way down the hill. "Everyone wave! Get their attention."
"I know. I'll chuck a rock at them." Mitchell yelled.
"No, don't! Don't." Rosie said quickly. "We need their help! Hello! Come on, guys. Help me."
"Hello! Help us! Help us. Over here!" We all chorused.
"Where's Alfie?" Joe asked, who had turned around. Alfie was nowhere to be seen.
"Shit." Harper said, flopping her hands down by her sides. But, unexpectedly, he appeared back over the hill. His trousers halfway done and his harness all tangled up.
"Shitty harness." He slurred. The whole group stared at him. "Nobody drink from the stream." He said slowly. "They were really bad berries."
Before anyone could react, the two men started shouting by the lake.
"Look at that! Look at that!" They yelled. "Bloody disgusting! Disgusting." Rosie was shocked, Alfie was distracted and the students were falling over laughing. The two men, who heard the commotion, looked up the hill. "Bloody kids!" They yelled. "Oi! Oi!"
Everyone started to run. As Harper was sprinting down the trail she heard Mitchell laughing.
"Sir shitted in the river. That was so sick."
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    After what seemed like forever, the whole class had stopped running and they were all breathing heavily. When Rosie caught her breath, she looked at Alfie with rage in her eyes.
"Why do YOU have to ruin everything?" She shouted and everyone went silent.
"Rosie-" Alfie started, still slightly delusional.
"No. No. I organised this day, but you decide it's rubbish, so you make it rubbish."
"You hated the farm too." Alfie protested.
"I told you not to eat those berries and what did you do?" She snapped.
"OK." Alfie said slowly. "I admit that.."
"You're stupid. You're immature. You only ever think about yourself." Rosie yelled.
Everyone was completely silent, except Harper, who was using all her remaining energy not to burst out laughing at Alfie's delusional state.
"I think about you all the time." Alfie said softly. "That's why I let the piggy free."
Rosie closed her eyes.
"You let the pig free?" She said bluntly.
"You said you admired the gesture." Alfie said, happily.
"Yeah, I admire it being made by a child." Rosie snapped, gesturing to Joe.
"But it's free-ee-ee." Alfie sung, lifting his arms up.
"I can't believe you think I'd ever be interested in you. You're such a pathetic, selfish, little boy." Rosie shouted. And, now, everyone was silent. Rosie stormed off. Alfie was silent for a moment and Harper bit her lip. He looked down slowly.
"I think I might need a dock leaf... that bog roll was a little nettle-y.."
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    It had been twenty minutes since Rosie's outburst and everyone was sitting round a fire. Alfie was sitting further away, on his own.
"I kind of feel bad for him." Harper admitted.
"What?" Chantelle and Mitchell said at the same time, both looking up. Harper gestured to Alfie.
"Why?" Mitchell asked, confused.
"Because," she started, rolling her eyes, "he clearly really likes Alfie. I don't know, I guess he just tries to hard."
"Since when do you feel bad for people?" He asked. And before she could fire back an insult, she looked forward slowly.
"I don't know." She admitted. "That's weird."
Suddenly, Chantelle pulled Harper up by her arm.
"Ow!" Harper complained. "What's that for?!"
"If you're so worried, about Alfie.. then let's go talk to him. Harper thought for a moment, before shrugging. They walked over together, Stephen joining them on the way.
"Okay then." Mitchell said, watching her walk away.
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    Harper, Chantelle and Stephen sat by Alfie on a log. He looked up.
"Go away." Alfie grumbled. "I want to be on my own for a bit."
They all looked down and saw a small hole that was hollowed out in the ground.
"What's that, sir?" Chantelle asked.
"I've dug myself a bucket." He explained. Harper grimaced slightly.
"With your trowel?"
He nodded slowly, sighing and she raised her eyebrows, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry for being agro." Chantelle blurted out. "It's cos of my man, Finlay." Alfie furrowed his eyebrows.
"He left her." Stephen filled in.
"He's my first long-term relationship." Chantelle explained.
"And by long-term?" Alfie asked.
"He took me to Strada, like...twice."
"OK." Alfie said, sighing.
"He said he loved me just so he could sleep with me." Chantelle said glumly.
"What happened?" Alfie asked, genuinely interested.
"He slept with me." Chantelle said, and Harper laughed slightly.
"No, I meant after that."
"Oh." She realised. "He told me I wasn't mature enough. But I am mature! I like Adele and I've not been in Claire's Accessories for, like, two years!"
"Sir, why don't you come sit with us?" Harper asked sympathetically.
"I don't think Miss Gulliver wants to talk to me much." He said quietly.
"But we do." Stephen said.
"OK... I guess." He gave in. They all walked over to the other campfire. Rosie saw them come over and shook her head, turning away.
"Hey, guys." Alfie said slowly. "Sorry about the stream and stuff."
Everyone was silent and Rosie looked back over before turning away again, clearly still angry.
"Look." Alfie blurted gleefully, trying to pivot, "Don't worry. I'll make a fire. I got all the badges in scouts. Fire-making, knot-tying, secret-keeping!"
"There isn't a badge for keeping secrets." Jing snapped.
"Er, shows how much you know." Alfie sassed,
"Mr Rogers said it was the most important badge a scout could get...Look, if we're going to get this fire lit," Alfie continued, "we're going to need to work as a team. "Chantelle, Joe. You go looking for kindling. Mitchell, Stephen. We're going to need flints. Ideally quartz. Anything that's going to be able to create a spark.."
However, his ranting was interrupted by the whole class, even Joe and Jing, holding up lighters in his face.
"You ALL smoke?" Everyone nodded. "Jesus. I'm a terrible role model."
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    By now, it was dark and everyone had lost hope that they were going to get home.
"This is bullshit." Harper muttered, and Mitchell looked up.
"What?" He said, looking sideways slightly.
"Well, think about it," she explained, "what have we actually got out of this trip? A shitty farm, a trek through the woods and even Alfie hasn't scored with Gulliver yet."
He thought for a moment.
"I got to see Alfie shit in a river."
"Class." She bluntly remarked. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Alfie.
"Ah, finally!" He yelled. "Look, cars!"
"Thank god." Harper muttered, leaning her head back.
"Right." Alfie rushed excitedly. "I'll go ask them for help."
Harper squinted to see what Alfie was looking at. Her eyes adjusted to the light and saw three cars, one with lights on. It was.. moving, slightly. And realisation dawned on Harper, she looked over at Mitchell, who had the same expression, except he was grinning.
"Are they.." she started, and he nodded viciously, snorting with laughter. He stood up to go over and join Alfie, but Harper pulled him back down.
"Don't even try."  She said, and he looked at her with disappointment. "For my sake."
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    It had been ten minutes, and Harper was half-asleep with her head in her hand. But, her hand slipped and she woke up, shooting her head up.
"Oh Harper, wasn't that classy."
"Oh Mitchell," she started, "it's like you don't think I'll punch you."
He moved along the log slightly, away from her, and she smiled slightly before putting her head in her hands. A second later, Alfie walked back over, looking quite frazzled.
"Everything OK?" Rosie asked.
"Yup." He said quickly.
"What the hell are they doing, sir?" Chantelle asked, and Harper and Mitchell shared looks. "..Are they?"
"They're probably.." Rosie started.
"Bird watching!" Alfie screamed.
"Yeah." Rosie stuttered.
"Yup. They're bird watching." Alfie nodded quickly. "They're going to drive us home in ten minutes. They're just... er... finishing off a Robin?"
"At night?" Jing asked, shaking her head.
"Yeah." He said slowly.
Eventually, Alfie and Rosie were talking over on another one of the logs. Mitchell was talking to Rem Dogg when Harper suddenly punched him in the arm. He recoiled away.
"Pariss, are you crazy?" He shouted and she immediately shushed him.
"Shut up. I'm trying to listen." She hissed and he looked baffled. Quickly, she pointed to Alfie and Rosie that had just sat down. Realising what she meant, Mitchell leant forward to listen along with her.
"So, we made it." Alfie said
"Alfie," Rosie started awkwardly, "I- I just want to-"
"No." Alfie interrupted her. "Before you say anything, you're right, I am an idiot."
"No, I over-reacted." Rosie protested, placing a hand on his arm.
"Look, I do a lot of stupid things, but I don't do it because I'm trying to be selfish." Alfie explained.  "I do it because I care about you...even if you don't like me."
"I do like you." She said sympathetically.
"You mean a lot to me." Alfie said quietly. "And I'm sorry."
"Oh, come here." Rosie said in pity, pulling him into a hug. "You've got such a good heart."
There was a moment of silence, and Harper sighed.
"Wow, that was actually sweet."
Mitchell, who had been looking at Rosie and Alfie in a hug, slowly put an arm around Harper's shoulder.
"Mitchell."
"Yes?"
"..We're not there yet."
"Okay." He said slowly, and retreated his arm.
"What are you doing?" She asked, knitting her eyebrows together. He looked to the side quickly.
"I'm cold." She simply said, and they remained in the same place. It was nice, until Alfie vomited berries on Rosie's back and scooped it up with his trowel.
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    Ten minutes later, just like Alfie promised, everyone was filed into the cars and were driving away. Harper, who was exhausted, flopped into the middle seat between Chantelle and Mitchell. Joe was in the back, with Alfie in the seat in the front next to the driver. Joe, who clearly believed the bird-watching story, looked up at Alfie.
"Look, sir. A long rubber branch. Is this for the birds to perch on? ...Do branches have veins?"
"Joe, put that down." Alfie rushed. Mitchell started laughing, before looking down and seeing Harper, fast asleep on his shoulder. He grinned, and the whole car smirked at him.
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    Finally, the cars pulled up at the front of the school, with a group of very worried parents.
"So, we got back in time after all." Alfie said, turning to Rosie.
"Yeah." She said, nodding and smiling, "I have to admit, you did sort of save the day in the end."
"Don't worry it was nothing." He said smugly.
Suddenly, a car pulled up, and a man stepped out, that could only be assumed as Rosie's date.
"Your carriage awaits." Alfie said awkwardly, clearly slightly upset. "Where's he taking you?"
"Strada." Rosie said, before waving slightly and walking over to the car. "Hi, you must be Finlay."
"Rosie, it's so nice to meet-" the man started, but was interrupted by Chantelle.
"Finlay?.. Finlay?! You bastard!" She started running off after him and he bolted. Harper and Stephen looked at each other before running after her.
"He's not worth it, babes!" Stephen screamed.
"Oh, God." Alfie muttered.
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The end of 8! Harper and Mitchell are getting closer..
next chapter out soon to start new episode!