Kiss My Ice

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6.

To someone not familiar with the world of competitive figure skating, the name Tiffany Wilson would not have sounded like a very intimidating name. But with two world championship titles and four US Nationals titles, she was the most intimidating person that I knew. I was incredibly fortunate to be able to call her my coach.

"Let's start with some basic exercises this evening," Tiffany called after I had finished my warmup laps. "Start with forward crossovers. Both directions."

For the half of practice, everything had gone smoothly. All of my fundamentals were mastered, but Tiffany knew that. She also knew that I had grown frustrated with working on my triple axel. I think she was hoping she could gradually build me up from the basics to the single jumps, the doubles, the triples, and then the triple Lutz.

"Double salchow!"

I nodded and pushed myself into a consistent speed. From the front crossovers to the back crossovers, and working on edges and turns, I was admittedly in a much better mindset. My mind was clear from the negative thoughts. I was feeling much more optimistic.

My first attempt at the double salchow went smoothly as I pushed off the ice with my left foot, spun twice in the air, and landed on the outside edge of my right skate. Tiffany didn't offer any feedback as she called for me to do it again.

The same pattern followed for the rest of practice as she called out different doubles and triples for me to do. Only offering feedback on the jumps I landed off on.

"Okay," she called. Her voice was tight. "Let's see your triple axel progress."

Or lack thereof, I thought.

I wanted to protest but I knew that it was a moot point against Tiffany. She was the coach. Either I listened or I got off the ice and quit.

"Start with your double axel."

I nodded. A double axel I could do. I pushed myself into a fast-paced skate before I pushed off the ice. Spun two and a half rotations in the air and then landed back on the ice.

"Good," Tiffany praised. "Now try your triple."

I chewed the inside of my cheeks. Here we go.

Taking in a deep, calming breath of cool air I mentally prepared myself as I took off into a good skate. I swung my leg back and pushed off the ice. One, two. I could feel my positioning was off and I cursed. There was no way that I wasn't about to crash and burn.

"Again!" Tiffany called just as my right side collided with the ice.

I winced through the pain surging in my side as I pulled myself up and took off again. Falling was a part of the sport. It was a part of learning a new jump.

You can do this Zoe.

Just as I swung my leg back to push off the ice, my concentration was pulled to the bleachers. From the corner of my I could see several hockey heads making through way down the stairs.

Crap, you never let yourself get distracted.

My right skate hit the ice at the wrong angle as I came down from the jump and I was sent in a full spiral across the ice. A collective "ohhhs" came from the direction of the bleachers. I scrunched my face from the pain that shot through my ankle and hip as my motionless body slip across the ice in what felt like slow motion.

In all the times I had ever fallen from a jump, none of them had hurt like this. Not only was my body in pain but so was my pride.

This time I was slow to get up. It didn't matter that I could hear Tiffany blatantly calling for me to get up and do it again. Physically, mentally - I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself get up off the ice to just come crashing right back down to it. Not when I'd let myself get distracted. I needed to clear my head.