Picture perfect - Book 1 - Q.F.

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A/N: Not me posting twice in a day lol. Anyway... This is one of my favorites, so let me know what you think!

Coach Sylvester had called Kurt, Mercedes and Piper to her office, so, there they were, the three of them sitting in chairs across from the coach in her desk.

"Ladies, what we have here is a grade-A dilemma." Coach Sylvester started. "Mercedes, your vocal cords have had more fantastic runs than a Kenyan track team but that look simply will not do. At first I thought it was a subtle homage to yours truly but now I fear it's some sort of ironic comment."

"Ms. Sylvester, I'm just not comfortable in those Cheerios skirts." Mercedes explained as, both, Kurt and Piper turned to look at her. "They don't fit me right."

"Cedes..." Piper started, placing a hand over her best friend's legs as Kurt sighed from her other side.

"You shouldn't feel embarrassed about your body." He said, as Piper nodded. At that, Mercedes shook her head before smirking at her friends.

"Embarrassed?" She asked. "No, no. I'm worried about showing too much skin and causing a sex riot."

At that, Piper laughed, shaking her head at her as Kurt and Mercedes wriggled their fingers together with smiles in both of their faces.

"How do you three not have a show on Bravo?" Coach Sylvester wondered out loud before pulling out from her drawer a few magazines and throwing them over her desk toward the kids. "Here's the Skinny Splits magazine, after much campaigning by one Sue Sylvester has named me cheerleading coach of the last 2,000 years. In seven days reporter Tracy Pendergrass will arrive on campus and my new star singer will have lost 10 pounds and be in a gender-appropriate cheerleading uniform or she is off the team."

"Ten pounds?" Piper gasped. "In a week?"

"Are you serious?" Kurt asked.

"You could lose a few too, kiddo. You got hips like a pear." She said, turning to look at Kurt before allowing her eyes to fall on Piper next. "And you... Losing some five pounds wouldn't hurt you know?"

At that, the three kids exchanged glances. Before they could say anything else, however, coach Sylvester spoke up again.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put in a call to the Ohio secretary of state notifying them I will no longer be carrying photo I. D. You know why?" She asked, as the trio frowned at her, confused. "People should know who I am."

***

"Hum, all right, I have one final announcement before we all leave." Mr. Schue said as him and the kids reunited for glee that week. "We can't use the auditorium for the next week."

"But that's garbage!" Finn was quick to protest. "How are we supposed to practice for Regionals without the auditorium?"

"The Cheerios need it to practice in." Mr. Schue shrugged. "There's nothing I can do."

"I recommend a sit-in." Rachel said.

"I recommend we torch the place." Puck offered as Piper rolled her eyes. Typical...

"No. Look, we've all faced adversity before and come out stronger on the other end." Mr. Schue said. "I'm gonna check out a few off-site locations for us to use just for the week. I promise I'll find us a new home."

***

Mercedes Jones had decided to ignore Sue Sylvester's wishes of losing 10 pounds in a week.

"I will never make it anyway." Mercedes had shrugged when Kurt and Piper had asked her about it. "Besides, if she wants that Mariah solo, there's no way she'll kick me out."