Unseen Worlds: SciFi Challenges

All in the Timing

I took the serum three hours before the funeral. My hands slowly faded. I stepped out of the stall and saw a stylish suit standing on its own as though possessed. I removed my clothes and hid them in the cleaning closet. Then I exited the bathroom.

The first guest turned at the sound of the door opening. He frowned, confused. "Weird. Must be a draft." He muttered to no one in particular. It was my college roommate, Darryl. What was he wearing? His suit wasn't even tailored! I hoped the other guests would step their game up a bit.

Giselle showed up next. She was in a black dress and heels. She looked gorgeous. She looked ravishing. She looked... Not that sad. She even smiled at Daryll before she signed the guest book. Why wasn't she sobbing inconsolably? She was the closest thing I had to a widow and she seemed just fine. She went over to Darryl and started flirting. Flirting! At my fake funeral!

"So, how did you know him?" Giselle asked.

"We were roommates in college."

"Really? I'm surprised anyone could stand to live with him. I know we shouldn't speak ill of the dead. But honestly, if he hadn't died I was going to break up with him this weekend. I'm his ex- I guess former girlfriend. But don't tell his parents. They thought I loved him. They don't need to know the truth now that he's gone."

"He was an asshole," Darryl agreed. "But they probably still loved him."

I gritted my teeth to keep quiet. That's it! She was out of the will!

Slowly the other guests arrived. My old fraternity brothers. My parents. A few cousins. The funeral home became quite treacherous. No one could see me so no one avoided me. It was a constant struggle to stay out of everyone's way. And the things I heard made it hard to stay silent.

"They say he died under mysterious circumstances."

"You know what that means - embarrassing!"

"What do you think it was? I mean it had to be bad for a closed casket."

"Or maybe he was rotted. Let's be honest, he's the kind of guy no one would check up on if they didn't hear from him in a while."

My old frat was getting none of my money!

"I'm just here to make sure he's really dead," my secretary muttered bitterly.

Fired!

At least my mother was a little misty eyed. I sidled over to hear her words. "I wonder if we're in the will."

Not anymore you old bag.

I dodged a stray cousin and ended up face down in a flower display. I brushed the pollen from my nose but it was too late. A sneeze was coming. I grabbed my nose and screwed up my face - no sneeze escaped but a fart silenced the hushed murmurs of the funeral home. Everyone looked at Darryl. Good. Maybe Giselle would think twice about giving him her number.

I tried to sit down on the benches, but I stuck to the seats. I was chilly and uncomfortable. And the people who had claimed to like me in life were making it no easier on me.

Finally Nana arrived. Sweet Nana. She would be sad, wouldn't she?

"I never thought one of my grandchildren would go before me," her voice quavered as she dabbed her eyes with a lace hanky. "But if it had to happen, at least it was him and not one of the others."

That bitch! They were all a bunch of jerks! I was a brilliant inventor who had more patents to my name than guests at my funeral. What could any of them say about themselves that could rival my accomplishments? Just wait! In an hour I would be visible again and I would go put on my suit and then they'd be sorry! I glared at them from the front of funeral home as the minister called the service to attention.

But the boys in R&D were wrong. It didn't last four hours. After the hymn about heaven or whatever, my Nana screamed. Every eye went to the casket, and me standing next to it. It took me a moment to realize they saw me, that the serum had worn off a hour early. By then, every eye had traveled down, and there were quite a few smirks in the audience.

"Shut up! It's cold in here!"