The Palace of Lost Memories

Chapter 18

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I must have fetched Meg's parents, because I remembered her mother steering me to the kitchen and trying to feed me. Her husband took charge of the body and the following day, I buried my father beside my mother.

Then I cried. I'd never cried so much in my life, not even when my mother died. At six, I hadn't really understood that she wasn't coming back. At twenty-four, I knew the finality of death. For the first time in a long time, I prayed to both Hailia and Merdu, and hoped that the afterlife was a real place and I would one day meet my parents there.

I stayed with Meg's family for two nights but on the third day, I insisted on going home. While they were pleasant enough, I knew they struggled to feed an extra mouth, and Meg's brother looked at me in a way I'd not noticed before. For a youth who'd always treated me like another sister, and an annoying one at that, his new attentiveness was unnerving.

Despite being grateful to be home again, the house had an awful emptiness about it. No patients came. They'd all given me their condolences at the burial ceremony, but none had returned for scheduled appointments.

"Give them time," Meg said a few days later as we sat in the kitchen. "They'll return when their aches and pains become too much or they run out of medicine."

I shook my head. "There are too many like Perri Ferrier. Besides, it doesn't matter if they don't mind being treated by a woman, I can't treat them anyway. I'll be thrown in jail if I do."

"I'm sure it's just a warning first, then a fine before they jail you. But yes," she added heavily, "it's illegal. You'll have to rely on your midwifery and selling medicines."

We both knew neither task could support me. Perhaps as the population grew, and more women joined the men, there might be more births. Until then, I'd have to supplement the fees with my father's savings. That meant searching for them, which meant going through his things. I couldn't face that yet.

"I can't believe he's gone," I said, choking back tears. I thought I'd used them all up, but it would seem I still had more to shed. "One day he's chastising me and the next...silence."

"Not even a warning," Meg said with a shake of her head.

I sat back with a thud. "There had been a warning." I cast a glance toward the larder. "He'd been looking for catspaw."

"What's that used for?"

"Heart problems. It helps stabilize an irregular beat. It's not a cure, though. Nothing can cure disease of the heart. Hailia," I murmured. "I suspected the catspaw was for him but didn't press him. How could I be so stupid, Meg? How can I be so selfish as to not notice when my own father was ill?"

She drew me into a hug. "You're not selfish, Josie. You're the least selfish person I know."

I shook my head. "Not that day. That day, I wanted to get away from him. I met with Captain Hammer at Half Moon Cove."

Her eyes widened. "Well. I see." She nudged me and smiled. "No wonder you won't look twice at my brother."

"It's not like that. He had a professional question to ask me."

"Then why not come here and ask your father?"

"It's difficult to explain."

"No, Josie, it's not. It sounds to me like he likes you."

I sighed. I couldn't tell her without divulging the palace secrets, and I wouldn't do that. Not even to Meg. She'd have to think what she wanted to think. I only hoped she didn't spread rumors through the village about Hammer and me.