Evanescing The Facade

11. Stained Glasses

"And I remain like a trapped wallflower in stained glasses, that crack beyond recognition,
As remains of abandonment, from someone who promised me a forever.
From someone I believed would keep me cherished between the pages of his journal,
Where love prevailed in the smudged ink of his poetry."

The thing about fear, it either consumes you, kills you or makes you indifferent if triggered consistently. Not everything golden is treasured. Nobody cares to pick up the picayune golden autumn leaves that fall on the ground swaying farewell to the heights they embraced Parnassian sunshine from. Nobody cares enough to pick them up when they yearn to be degraded to soil after being trampled by ponderous steps. Sometimes Mishti wondered, if not for the seamless walls of graceful maturity and blossoming strength painstakingly surrounding her, would anybody care enough to even spare her any mercy, let alone love. After all there was nothing solitary about a petite forlorn girl with a heavy baggage of rejection from her own family. Was she even worth loving if not for the opaque display of unparalleled understanding and capacity of forgiveness? Because when storms roared into her soul and bolts of lightning streaks burnt her malleable heart, nobody cared enough to sail through and reach out for her. Nobody could hold her when her sublime self slipped out. Perhaps, she wasn't worth it to anybody. 

  She had feared abandonment since forever, feared not being good enough for someone to stay, so she did everything to keep everybody happy, even if it meant letting the fire of betrayal and hurt consume her. But nothing was enough, so she accepted it as an inseparable part of her destiny. And now, she feared nothing, she feared she was left with nothing to be scared of, she feared she was so drained and empty that no amount of loss would hurt her more. Maybe this is how broken and damaged people live. She was torn and frayed, she had made empires of hope on the seashores, knowing the cruel ways in which the nature could run its course. Destruction was deemed, innocence was meant to be destroyed with love. She didn't understand why her heart bled so much, she didn't understand why people kept stabbing her right where it pained the most but she shouldn't be surprised. She shouldn't be surprised when she herself kept handing them the knives, every time she chose to forgive them so easily. But what if for once....for once she decides to not forgive? 

"Captivated in those enchanting eyes, were the burials of wars fought in self pity,
The white tranquility, now a battlefield of self love,
The black of mystic, now a bloodshed of shredded innocence.
It's the dystopian apocalypse of forgiveness and love,
It's a neither victory nor defeat,
It's only pain and loss."

Mishti was packing her bag for her little "vacation" with her bff and Naira di, when she heard his footsteps crossing the threshold, the footsteps, hesitant and heavy with premonition. His presence usually brought the calmness that would make everything seem insanely beautiful but right now it brought ache and everything that hurts combined. She didn't turn around and continued with her work.

"Mishti", he called her gently, hoping she would say something, ask him to tag along or at least tell him that she will miss him. 

"How long Abir? How long?", she asked, making him confused. 

Not hearing a reply she turned around to look at him. There was something so unsettling about the look in her eyes that it scared him. He didn't know what it was but he knew it wasn't good. 

"How long till you finally throw me out of your life?", her voice was low, soft just like it always is. 

He stared at her in horror, "what? Why would you even think that way? How?"