The Songbird

Chapter 17: Not Gone Yet

Ordinary life was made something entirely new when seen through eyes blinded with hidden knowledge.

Nothing about Mina's surroundings had changed. The trees in the forest did not whisper, nor did the Stonehue River sing as she crossed its banks. The Red Alley was still tired and decrepit, and her shack welcomed her back in with as much warmth as its broken windows could allow. A setting does not recognize change even if Mina recognized it everywhere. She felt as if she'd stepped into a remnant of a past life as she crossed the threshold into her house, the air echoing with sameness even as she thought, I am different, I am not what I was, and I never can be again.

Because the change was inward, fighting to get out. Mina felt it tugging at her ever since she'd commanded Talmage with full awareness of her actions, a power begging to be released again with each step that took her away from him.

What is this? She asked herself. Magic, of that she was sure, the kind that stitched itself into her voice and gave her power through words she sang and spoke. But why did it feel like something new was crawling under her skin like a foreign creature? Why was silence now burning her throat?

Shuddering, Mina sank to the floor and drew her knees under her chin. Rocking back and forth, she began to hum something nonsensical, no songs in her head but unable to stay quiet on account of the physical pain it caused her. She did this until the morning sun lifted over the distant trees and the burn lessened in its intensity.

Mina sighed as she unfolded her body, trying to ease comfort in place of the soreness. In doing so, she heard the contents of her pocket spill out, forgotten pieces of jewels she'd scavenged glittering in the sunlight. Taking the pieces into her hands, Mina brushed the dust away and beheld them with her eyes. They were more beautiful than any she'd collected before, hidden treasures encased in stone walls and only made available by her voice ripping them out. Lorenzo would be beside himself with greed if she were to deliver them, his beady eyes roving over their delicate surfaces rather than acknowledging the pain Mina endured to get them out.

She closed her fist around the jewels and flung them to some distant corner of the room, their gentle pings sounding lonely in the empty air.

Mina lowered her face into her hands, weighed down by what felt like a parade of burdens. She could never bring Lorenzo another jewel or coin, not when she knew she'd never needed to in the first place. He'd taken so much from her, pieces of herself in every cent, until she only had the strength to breathe and sleep at the end of each day. But he'd come after her eventually, demanding what he thought he was owed. He'd have no ground to stand on, but Mina knew she'd hurt him all the same.

And that was what was beginning to frighten her. Life spent in destitution had not made Mina particularly giving, but she'd never considered herself vengeful. Now, how could she be anything but that? And with magic that gave the chance to reclaim her own autonomy, the possibilities were endless to what she could do to him.

Rage was all she'd known up until her return to the alley, but now, Mina felt as much of a stranger as the people she sang for. She didn't like this anger, didn't like how she felt completely outside of herself with it. But she couldn't let it go, either. Who would or could if they were in her shoes?

Her eyes began to sting, a sure sign that tears were trying to work their way forward. She was prepared to let them fall, but a sudden, fluttering sound yanked her from the recesses of despondency.

She was sitting across from a window, which was less a window than a square-shaped hole in the wall. A small bird was perched on the sill, black eyes beholding her from its white-streaked head. The shape of a smile ghosted her lips as the bird began to sing, chirping its familiar, two-note whistle. Even though Mina's entire being had been made new in the last few days, she was glad that this hadn't changed. That this songbird, which had visited for as long as she could remember, still liked her enough to stay.

"Look Mina!" Her mother pointed to the window, three birds gathered on the sill. Their black and beige wings were glossed from the sun, and they created a symphony with their chirps.

"Songbirds for my songbird," Serris said, ruffling little Mina's dark hair. "They'll teach you to sing. Then one day, you'll have a song that can make the wind stand still."

Mina smiled and tried to whistle, the sound coming out wispy and half-formed. But the birds had merely tilted their heads at her, almost thoughtful of her efforts. Then, they joined in with their own whistles.

"You can always find yourself there," her mother told her, looking at the birds. "You can find me there, too."

"Where do I find Papa?" She asked.

"Right here," said a sudden voice, and Mina turned to see her father standing in the doorway. Squealing in delight, she ran toward him, and he scooped her up. Damien held Mina aloft, and her arms spread out as if she were flying, as if she could touch the heavens just as the birds on the window sill did each day.

The tears came then, but Mina didn't try to wipe them away. The memory hurt in a way that also soothed, and she gave a sad smile in response. Mina wasn't even sure if the memory was real, or if it was something her mind had constructed out of loneliness. However, she liked to believe it was. Just how she liked to believe that the songbird at her window meant that she had not lost herself, different as she now was.

A new resolve was beginning to trickle in. No, she would not give those jewels to Lorenzo. She would never give him anything ever again. Every coin she earned would be hers to save or give as she saw fit. The only people she would be bound to were the knights on collection day.

"Collection day," she groaned. That was today.

Rising from the ground, she grabbed her grey cloak and tin cup. There was just enough in there to cover the day's expenses, but she'd need to devote a fair amount of time to singing if she wanted food for the week.

And if she encountered Lorenzo, Mina had to trust that she had enough control to not do anything that would get her in trouble. Nothing that would arise suspicion. Nothing that would catch the attention of the knights, who she feared were already looking for her based on Talmage's warning.

She believed that the heavens had their own sense of retribution. And if she couldn't give it to Lorenzo herself, she had to trust that he'd get it one way or another, in time.

Mina left for The Square.