You've Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes)

Chapter 4

"I'm not going to lie," Gemma says through Harry's AirPods, cynical as ever. "This sounds like a disaster in the making."

Harry can't help but laugh, albeit a puffy kind, as he runs on his treadmill. "You're telling me."

"How is this going to work exactly? The same as all those models?" He can practically see her scrunching up her nose in distaste. Gemma has always been Harry's biggest protector, aside from his mother, when it comes to 'showmances'.

"Kind of, I guess," Harry huffs, swiping away a layer of sweat from his brow. The machine beeps as it goes a level up. He quickens his strides to match the pace. "We've got to be seen together by photographers," he gulps, feeling the burn in his chest from running and talking at the same time. "An official statement is being released sometime this week, too."

"This is so bizarre, H." Gemma's voice distorts through the microphone a little. "After all the crap you dealt with when you were actually together, now you're supposed to just flaunt this perfect relationship?"

Harry laughs coldly, feeling his body reaching his limit. He does a final few strides before turning off the treadmill. Breathing heavily, he steps off the machine. "It's ironic, I'm aware."

"More like a cosmic joke, really," Gemma says. "Is there a word for this kind of bearding?" she pauses. "Shaving?"

Harry lets out a genuine bark of laughter. "Oh God, Gem," he sits down on one of the benches overlooking the London skyline. "I could handle all that if Louis and I were actually... I don't know, friends, at least."

"Oh, Harry," Gemma says, her voice softening. "Well, I mean, maybe this is good then. Fucking insane, don't get me wrong... but good?"

"Maybe." Harry runs his hands down his face, letting out a deep sigh. "What if..." he begins, swallowing hard. "But what if it doesn't work? What if he still hates me after this?"

"Then he's more of an idiot than I thought," Gemma concedes. "Look," she begins, her big sister instincts kicking in. "You know I love Louis. You two had something really wonderful," Harry closes his eyes, willing away the emotions those words produce. "It's awful the way it ended. I hated seeing you like that. But it's been years. You've both got to live with what happened."

"Ugh," Harry groans. "You make it sound so easy. But when I'm around him, he drives me mental."

Gemma is uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. "Harry..."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to ask you this once, okay? And don't be mad."

"Alright..." Harry says, uncertain.

"Do you think there's something... still there with Louis?"

"What?" Harry snaps, rising from his seat.

"I said don't be mad!" Gemma whines.

"I'm not mad!" Harry says loudly, then clearing his throat and repeating calmer, lowering his voice, "I'm not mad."

"Well, I just think... you've not really dated seriously since him. And the way you talk about him, even now."

"I said he drives me crazy. That's not exactly a good thing, Gem."

"He drove you mad back then, too! Sometimes that's what love feels like. You just don't want to remember." Gemma counters. "I'm sorry I asked. I just want to know where your head's at. I don't want you doing this if you could get hurt."

"No, no..." Harry frowns to himself. "It's okay. You're right to ask." He thinks carefully about what he's going to say. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't considered it. Over the years, there were multiple times Harry felt that dawning dread of realisation that maybe Louis was his one chance. That they were it, and he'd fucked it all up. At one point, Harry thought they would marry, for fuck sake. But then he'd force himself to remember how awful it got at the end, and how cruel Louis could be during the times they saw one another post-breakup. If something was still there, then why did they make each other so furious? If something was still there, why hadn't they spoken in so long?