Azarei's Quest

Chapter Nine

They came to a compromise. Or rather Katar started ignoring Azarei's many protests and began collecting the firewood for their nightly fires.

"Don't come crying to me when the wood sprites kill you where you stand," Azarei warned him the first time Katar stomped off into the forest stating he was gathering wood. Katar only rolled his eyes. Azarei didn't blame him for not being very worried. The worst the wood sprites would really do is pull on his shoulder length hair. Katar hadn't cut it since they'd met. Azarei hasn't cut his own either, it was longer now, constantly falling into his eyes.

Katar emerged from the woods and unceremoniously dumped an armful of sticks onto the ground at Azarei's feet. From the way he acted you'd think Azarei forced him to go wood collecting. Azarei knelt down and arranged the wood into a proper pile. Katar dropped down on the other side of it, watching him without a word. When Azarei finally got a fire going Katar scooted closer to it, raising his hands to warm them against the flame.

"Careful," Azarei warned. "You're going to burn yourself alive."

"It's fucking freezing," came Katar's response.

As they grew closer to the mountain the air grew chillier. It didn't bother Azarei much, his temperature ran warmer than humans thanks to his orc blood. He remembered Katar saying he hated the cold. Azarei wondered why he hadn't complained before now. Azarei would've stopped in a town so they could get warmer clothes, maybe a tent too. Azarei could afford an insulated one.

Azarei pulled out his charmed map from his backpack, locating the purple dot that marked his location. "We're about a four hour journey from a fair sized town," he informed Katar. "We can stop and get some winter supplies there tomorrow." When he spoke he could see his breath and guilt pierced him like the sharpest of knives. Katar was still wearing light clothes, he must be something close to miserable. Azarei kicked himself for not paying better attention.

"We don't have to," Katar said, staring at the flames. "I don't really have much gold."

Ah, so that's why he hadn't said anything. He didn't have the coin to buy himself winter gear.

"I have plenty for the both of us," Azarei told him with a reassuring smile.

Katar gifted him with a tentative smile in return and Azarei was reminded once again how enchanting he was. Every smile and laugh Azarei coaxed out of Katar felt like a superb victory. It's not that they were extremely rare or anything, Katar was a bit of grump but he was also playful and joked often. It just meant Katar was happy and Azarei felt like a champion when he knew he was the reason Katar was happy.

When this thought crossed Azarei's mind it gave him pause. He'd never felt this way with his other friends from before. He begrudgingly accepted that this was not a normal 'friendly' feeling and wondered if it had more to do with Katar's beauty than Katar himself.

But Azarei liked Katar for who he was, not just his beauty. He was rough around the edges, sure, but Azarei could always tell his harsh words were void of any real meaning. He knew this was how Katar joked around and had grown used to it, loved it even. He'd wondered on many occasions if he'd lost his mind when his heart soared at one of Katar's pointed insults. He wondered that again now, as he watched the light from the fire dance across the sharp plains of Katar's face.

"Are you gay?" Azarei asked, hoping he wasn't crossing a line. "You said you were in love with a man. That means you're gay, right?"

Katar's eyes lifted from the fire and trained on Azarei. He lowered his hands and set them on his knees. "Yes, I'm gay."

Azarei nodded, acknowledging his answer. He didn't speak for a few minutes, debating if he really wanted to ask his next question. "How did you know you were gay?" He asked finally, stomach twisting nervously.

"Because I'm attracted to men." Katar spoke slowly, as if Azarei was an idiot.

Maybe Azarei was an idiot.

"But how do you know you're actually attracted to men?"

Katar furrowed his brow. "Are you stupid?"

Azarei sighed and dropped his eyes down to the flames.

Katar sighed too. "I know I'm attracted to men the same way you know you're attracted to women. I want to have sex with men, when I get off I think of men."

An image of Katar getting himself off briefly flashed through Azarei's mind and the back of his neck and his face flushed with heat. Azarei hoped it had grown dark enough that Katar didn't notice. Then the other half of what Katar said registered with him.

"You've had sex?" Azarei questioned, probably focusing on the wrong thing.

For some reason the idea of Katar being intimate with someone didn't sit well with Azarei at all. Or maybe it wasn't much of a mystery and Azarei just wasn't ready to face the music. Either way he felt a rock settle heavy and uncomfortable in his stomach.

"No," Katar said patiently. "But that doesn't mean I don't think about having sex."

Azarei really wants to ask who he thinks about having sex with but restrains himself, sensing that would actually be crossing some sort of line. He wonders if he thinks about the man he mentioned before, the one that married Katar's sister. The rock in Azarei's stomach sits heavier.

Now knowing that Katar is cold Azarei stokes the fire before he goes to bed instead of letting it burn out like he usually does. He wakes up a few times throughout the night and stokes it again every time he does, even though Katar is asleep and probably can't feel whether or not he's warm or cold.

Azarei wakes up early in the morning when the sun is still rising. Katar is still sleeping. When he stokes the fire again he realizes Katar is no longer curled into himself in a little ball. He's more spread out, laying as he did when they were in warmer weather. Azarei wonders if this is because he's warm now and feels a flush of pleasure at the thought. He likes making Katar happy, even if the man's asleep.