Azarei's Quest

Chapter Ten

 Azarei could not get used to seeing Katar in his new winter clothing. He'd really splurged when they went into town. Not only did he buy Katar good quality winter clothing he also bought him an extremely warm, extremely expensive, cloak rimmed with fur around his shoulders. He looked absolutely bewitching, Azarei couldn't stop sneaking peeks at him, admiring him.

Azarei had bought them a new tent to sleep in too. He'd gotten one of the nice insulated ones and quality sleeping bags too. No more sleeping under the stars. Azarei hoped Katar would be more comfortable now but he couldn't tell, even before. Katar hides discomfort horrifyingly well, which bothered Azarei a lot.

Azarei could tell they were nearing the mountains. Not only because he could see them growing closer but also because yesterday it began to snow. He'd been so excited, catching the delicate white flakes in his gloved hand.

"I hate the snow," Katar had muttered, annoyed. He'd brushed his snow covered hair away from his face and Azarei had to remind himself not to hold his breath.

Azarei, on the other hand, loved the snow. When he was a child he and his mother would spend hours in the snow building forts, making sculptures, having snowball fights. Azarei would charm the small balls of packed snow to throw themselves, he always won that way. His mom would laugh and squeal and call him a cheater and then scoop him up in her arms and take him inside. They'd sit by the fire and drink hot soup for dinner and then they'd crawl in her bed together because his elevated body temperature always kept his mother warm. His mother didn't like to have fires at night, she said it was dangerous.

Azarei rolled over in his sleeping bag, giving up on sleep. He let out a shaky breath and cracked one eye open, then the other, and stared at Katar's back. Azarei could see him shivering and wondered if he was even asleep.

"Katar," he whispered.

Katar slowly turned around, his nose was red and his cheeks rosy from the cold. He gave Azarei a questioning look, asking him what he wanted with his eyes.

"Are you cold?" Azarei asked him, even though he knew the answer.

Katar nodded silently inside his sleeping bag. Azarei hesitated, wondering if what he wanted to ask was crossing a line. Unsure if he was even ready to cross that line.

"Do you want me to come over there?" Azarei asked quietly. "I'm really warm," he clarified.

Katar didn't answer him right away, just watched him with impossible to read eyes. "Sure," he whispered eventually, sitting up to unzip his sleeping bag and spread it out across the floor of the tent.

Azarei unzipped his too and laid it on top of Katar then hesitated once more. Was he really going to sleep with a man? He lifted his sleeping bag and crawled under it, lying down close to Katar on his back.

"Holy shit, you're warm," Katar whispered, sounding incredibly surprised. He scooted a little closer to Azarei, pressing himself against his side to absorb his warmth.

"I told you," Azarei replied. He swallowed the lump in his throat then turned on his side towards Katar, wrapping his arms around him. Azarei wondered if Katar could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He closed his eyes and urged himself to calm down. They were sharing a bed, so what? It's not a big deal, Katar was cold. This is practical.

Katar wasn't shivering anymore, his body surrounded by Azarei's and face pressed into his chest. "Thanks," he mumbled, voice muffled.

"No problem," Azarei said, trying to pretend he wasn't internally freaking out.

After that they didn't speak. Azarei didn't open his eyes and it wasn't long before he felt Katar's breath grow deep and even, signalling he'd fallen asleep. Azarei lay awake a while longer, relishing the feeling of having Katar in his arms. It felt good to hold him, really good.

Azarei didn't have to wonder anymore, he knew what this meant for him. He didn't know if he was attracted to men but he was definitely attracted to Katar. Not only that but he liked Katar, and wanted him in more ways than just sexually. He wanted Katar to want him too.

Katar shifted closer to Azarei in his sleep, something Azarei hadn't realized was possible considering their bodies were already pressed against each other. Just because Katar was gay didn't automatically mean he wanted Azarei the way that Azarei wanted him. Azarei recalled how surprised he'd sounded when Azarei had told him he'd had a lot of sex. That probably meant he didn't find him very attractive. But Katar had told Azarei he wasn't bad looking, then again he followed it up by calling him a beast. But Azarei knew Katar was usually joking when he called him that.

Azarei tilted his head down, burying his face in Katar's soft hair and willed himself to stop thinking. He focused on enjoying the feeling of Katar in his arms, feeling his chest rise and fall against his own. Eventually he drifted off to sleep. When he woke light was shining through the tent, indicating it was day. Azarei couldn't tell if Katar was awake as he still had his face buried in his hair. Azarei tilted his head to see Katar's face and found the man not only awake but also watching him.

"You're so warm," Katar said instead of good morning. "I feel like I'm in a warm bath or something."

Azarei smiled. "It's the orc blood, I run warm."

"Was it your father or your mother?" Katar asked. "The orc."

"My father."

"Your mom seriously had sex with an orc?"

Azarei's smile faded. "She didn't really have much of a choice."

Realization dawned on Katar's face and he looked a little sick. "That's awful," he said quietly.

"If I were her I would've dumped me in the woods," Azarei said truthfully. "But that wasn't my mom. She loved me, she told me I was conceived by something terrible but that she wouldn't trade me for anything." He felt his throat grow tight.

"Where is she now?" Katar asked.

Azarei looked away from Katar and began blinking rapidly because he thought he might start crying. "She..." He trailed off because he couldn't say the word.

Died. She died.

Katar seemed to get what he was trying to say anyway, even though Azarei couldn't get the words out. Katar reached his hand up and cupped Azarei's cheek gently, brushing his thumb against it. "I'm sorry, Azarei."

Azarei closed his eyes because he really didn't want to start crying. He swallowed hard a few times and when he was confident the waterworks were gone he opened them again. Katar was still watching him.

"It's kind of weird," Katar said quietly after they had just watched each other for a while. "Your dad was an orc but you turned out so handsome. Your mom must've been really beautiful."

Handsome? Katar thinks he's handsome. Azarei felt satisfaction and pleasure wash over his entire body. "She was," Azarei confirms.

Katar smiles at him and Azarei reaches down, his hand stopping short of his cheek. After a moment's hesitation he cups Katar's face, the way that Katar was holding his own. They lay that way for a while, watching each other but not speaking. Azarei didn't really care that they were losing daylight, that they wouldn't travel very far today. All he cared about was being right here, right now, holding Katar while Katar holds him back.