beautiful betrayals | eren jaeger

12.

It's been about 2 months... Pls don't be mad at me I know I vanish off the face of the Earth often but I promise I'm trying my best :) This chapter is kinda just more background into y/n & eren's relationship, the next one gets into the actual present more. as always, tiny spoiler warnings, enjoy!
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you widened your eyes, catching a glimpse of eren's titan, standing tall, you could analyze the piercing blue eyes that stared at the air craft above. it's hair swayed violently with the aftershock winds of the sudden explosion, almost catching you off guard until you felt pieck's hand rest on top of yours.

"what about what you said earlier?" gabi interrupted the moment, blinking hesitantly at pieck, who kept a composed expression on her face. "you didn't think i'd sell you guys out that easily,, did you?" she chuckled, letting her hair blow freely in her face, a small smile staying after her prolonged laughter.

"so- you didn't mean that?" you chimed in, your tone of voice quieting a bit catching piecks eyes. she simply shook her head at you, resting her hand on your head, slightly massaging your head in an attempt to ruffle your hair, which seemed to be ruined in the moment.

despite feeling relieved, you also felt troubled, not only by your allies but by eren himself, by everything. why hadn't he taken the chance to kill you? you'd been suffering from guilt, got on your knees and begged to be killed, to spare your upcoming torture, but it never came.

you didn't understand it at all. eren could torture you if he wanted to. he could lock you away from everyone you loved, watch you slowly deteriorate, yet he didn't. he oddly enough even initiated the first touch.

the first genuine touch you've felt in a while. you held your hand up to your cheek, grazing it over the spot where eren touched, feeling your heartbeat become faster. it seemed no matter what you did, you couldn't get eren out of your mind.

unfortunately for eren, he was having the same exact problem.

the poor boy already went through enough already, and now facing you, it seemed it made it ten times worse than it was before. eren didn't seem to pay much attention to you at first. he didn't want to, and to be fair, you didn't either, but things never work out the way you want them to in this world.

if it were up to you or eren, you'd probably go back in time and destroy whatever relationship you had before that led the both of you to this point. the only difference is, you probably would without a second glance. to hold udo close, have life go back to the way it was when you returned to liberio, not happy but not entirely saddening to imagine.

eren, however, couldn't. he couldn't bare to not reminisce over your smile, the way you'd cradle him in your arms to help him sleep on tough missions, or how your hair sometimes blew in your face while using odm gear causing you to crash while in cadet training.

he meant what he said when he said he'd like to marry you back then, part of him hated you for leaving him all alone on the island, he didn't care what you did before, he just wanted to hold you close, because, quite frankly, he had suffered the same as you did too.

eren knew his plans weren't exactly that well thought of, but if it meant freedom, he'd be willing to do whatever it took.

however, it troubled him that you were in his way. everything always got in his way, always delaying his plans one way or another.