𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟 | zuko

18: BREAKUPS AND CHOICES

jin's point of view

"Have any of you seen Mai?"

"I thought I saw her walking past my room last night," replied Katara.  "Why?"

"Well, I was just, um, wondering."

"You're lying," said Toph.  "What happened?"

"Nothing," Zuko said.  "I'm just looking for her."

But I knew something was up.  Everyone probably did.

"I think I saw Mai go outside last night," said Kyra.  "Since my room's window looks out that way. But I'm not sure it was her."

"Who are we looking for?" asked Aang, who had just walked into the room.  Everyone was standing, even if there was breakfast and a table to sit at.

"Mai," said Sokka.

"Oh, I saw her last night," said Aang.  "I was the last one in, and I saw her pass."

"Did she say anything?" asked Zuko, rushing up to Aang.

"She said she was leaving," said Aang.  "She said she was going home."

Zuko sighed and sat down.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said.  "Let's just have breakfast, and then we can go back to the palace."

"Did something happen?" asked Aang.

"Nothing happened!  Leave me alone!" said Zuko, angrily.  He stomped out of the room.  Everyone exchanged glances and sat to eat, quietly.  No one talked other than asking the others to pass a plate or something else.

But once I finished, I thought I should go check on him.  I was the first to stand up, and Kyra held my arm.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'll be back," I said.  She let go and I started walking.  I saw Zuko on a balcony outside, sitting on a bench with his head in his hand.  When I stepped out onto it, he turned to look at me, then looked back out onto the water.

"Um, hi," I said.

"Hi," he replied. 

"Are you... are you alright?"

Zuko just sighed annoyedly.

"Zuko, please."

"I'm fine," he said.

"No, you're not." I sat down next to him.  "Tell me what's wrong, Zuko."

He was still reluctant. 

"What happened with Mai?  Did something happen last night?" 

"We broke up," he said bluntly.

"You... what?"

"She broke up with me.  She saw us the other night, in the garden.  She saw how we almost kissed.  So she broke up with me."

"I'm sorry, Zuko," I said.  And I did feel bad.  "It's my fault, I shouldn't have 一"

"It's my fault too," he said.  "I would've kissed you back."

"I 一"

"I had already been apart from her, too.  But she's right," he finished.  And he seemed to have mixed feelings about being right.

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked.  

"I'll be fine," he said.  I smiled and started to get up, to leave him time to himself.

"And Jin?" he said. I turned around.

"Thank you."

I smiled.  "No problem."

一 ꩜ 🌊 🌏 🔥 一

We finally went back to the palace, and as soon as I got a moment alone with Kyra, I told her what Zuko had said.  And I knew she'd be all happy about it, which shouldn't have been the case.  I did feel bad for Zuko.  I knew he liked Mai.  it felt like it was all my fault.

Maybe I never should've come here.

"They broke up?" 

"Yeah."

"That's great!"

"Kyra!"

"Sorry.  That's horrible.  But good for you?"

"I feel guilty.  It was my fault."

"It probably wasn't all your fault, Jin.  You don't know exactly what happened."

"But I bet it was mostly my fault."

"Not mostly," said Kyra, taking a seat next to me on the couch.  "Maybe half."

"Very comforting," I smiled.  "I'm gonna go downstairs."

"Okay," she said, getting back up to continue her browsing of the closet.

I walked through a couple of hallways, making my way to the yard.  In the few days I've been here, I've learned how to navigate the palace a lot better.  

And on my way, I bumped, quite literally, into Zuko, who just looked disoriented.

"Sorry," I said.  We said, actually.  At the same time.

He went around me to walk away, but I stopped him by taking his sleeve just in time.

"Zuko," I said calmly.  "Please talk to me."

"I don't think I want to talk to anyone."

"You might not want to, but you should.  Please, Zuko.  I came here for you."

He let a breath from his nose and turned around.

"What?"

"You miss Mai, don't you?"

"She hates me. She won't come back."

"That doesn't mean she hates you."

"But she's right.  She knew I liked you from just the way I look at you."

I took a deep breath and looked down.

"I'm sorry, Zuko.  It's my fault.  I shouldn't have come."

"No, it's not your fault.  It's mine. It was just getting so confusing.  But Mai said that if I really wanted her, there wouldn't be a choice."

"Now I'm confused."

"I... I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship right away, Jin.  Just give me time."

I nodded, then left him to himself and continued my path to the yard.  

Was he saying what I thought he was saying?  The whole breakup was because Mai knew he liked me.  Mai was nice.  I liked her.  And I really, really did feel bad about the breakup. But I also couldn't help but feel a little bit happy, too, because I actually had a chance now to be with Zuko.  

Originally, I had only come here to see him once again.  I knew I had feelings for him still, though.  They were probably there for a long time.

Toph left that day to go back to Gaoling and see her parents.  Aang took her with him. The numbers of us were slowly decreasing, and everyone was going back to what their lives had been before.  But not mine.  Because even if some people chose to pay no attention to it, everything was different now.  And I had a memory of that, one I couldn't forget.

Sometimes I was still afraid.  And there were very few things that made me feel safe.  Kyra was one of them.  She's like a sister to me.  But I knew I had feelings for Zuko when he became one of the things that made me feel okay.  One of the people that made me feel protected, and safe.