if one of them is dead.

chapter thirty-nine.

Lilith.

I tug at my sleeves in Blaise's dorm. Pansy and I are sitting on the floor, our backs against the footboard of his bed. Draco is laying on his stomach on the bed. Blaise is sitting at his desk, tapping his quill on the desk. Mattheo is laying on the ground a few feet from Pansy and I, throwing a ball in the air and catching it.

"Why do we have to be alive in the same era as the fucking Chosen One?" Pansy asks, hitting her head against the foot board.

"Oh, how much easier it would be," Draco says.

"No Voldemort to try and kill us all," I say. "No offense, Mattheo."

"None taken," he says, "it's not like he's the best father in the world. Especially not when he decides to give my girlfriend a tattoo."

"It's more like a branding," Blaise says, and I glare at him.

"You fucking asshole."

"Hey, I'm just saying." He snickers. "I'm not wrong, okay? It's a branding, and you know it. You just don't want to admit it."

"Yeah, okay," I say, rolling my eyes. "Do we have to go there now? Can't we go there later?"

"I vote later," Draco says loudly. "Later means we still have time of pretending. And I think that if Mattheo gets any more of an explanation from Lil, he might go crazy and get more pissed."

Blaise, Pansy, and I all nod and hum in agreement.

"Can the four of you stop talking like I'm not here?" Mattheo asks, grabbing the ball from the air, turning to look at all of us. "I can hear you perfectly fine. And for you information, Draco, I won't be any more mad if she told me more."

"Sure," Pansy says sarcastically.

"No, you wouldn't get mad if I showed it to you," I say, looking at him. He glances at me before shaking his head and starting with the throwing of the ball again.

He takes a breath in. "I've seen so many of them, Lilith. Why won't you show me yours?"

"Can we not talk about this right now?" I ask. "I don't think our friends would appreciate our yelling at each other after I explain why I won't show it to you."

"Shall we go to my dorm and talk about it then?" he asks coldly, looking over at me.

"That always ends badly," I snap.

"Merlin, fuck me," Draco groans. "Can't the two of you stop fighting for two seconds? It's annoying. And we can't have any piece and quiet with the two of you. I swear, I will lock you in Mattheo's dorm until you make up or fuck. If it gets you to finally stop arguing, so be it. I'll even listen to the moans."

We all turn to him and raise our brows.

"Okay, not literally," he says, gesturing in the air. "I'm not going to listen to Lilith scream 'fuck me, Mattheo.'"

Pansy and Blaise start laughing hysterically, trying to stifle their laughs. Draco chuckles.

"Not funny," both Mattheo and I say at the same time.

"Oh, fuck me, Mattheo," Blaise moans fakely.

"God, Lilith, you're amazing," Pansy moans, rolling her eyes to the back of her head.

"Keep going," Draco breaths.

I smack Pansy's arm roughly, and she starts laughing hard. Mattheo sits up and chucks his ball at Blaise, hitting it off his shoulder with a loud thud. I grab the pillow from next to Pansy and turn around, hitting Draco with it roughly.

"Owww," Blaise groans, grabbing his shoulder where it was hit. "That hurt," he pouts.

"Yeah, well, fuck off," Mattheo grumbles.

"You're all so immature," I breath, huffing as I sit back against the footboard and cross my arms.

"Says the one that won't tell her boyfriend about her branding," Blaise says, raising his brows at me mockingly. I grab the pillow next to me and chuck it at him. Mattheo has to duck for it to not hit him, and he looks at me like I'm crazy. And there's something else. It's almost like a look of some sort of pride. It's small, but it's almost there.

"Seriously, work shit out, will you?" Draco asks, raising his brows at us. "We want our friends back. And you two may still be dating, but it's almost as bad as if you broke up."

I open my mouth to say something, but shut it a second later. I have no response to that. Because he's right. It's the most right thing that has ever come out of Draco's mouth. And I hate how true it is. I hate how it's all playing out.

I always guess to just wait for things to play out. I kept things from people, and I still do. But it was always as if I was playing a sort of game. I kept things from people, and sometimes they would have to try and figure it all out. The things people don't know won't hurt them.

In this case, I might be wrong on that.

But I don't want to be.

"You know what?" Pansy asks as she starts to stand up, "This is unbearable." Her hand wraps around my arm, and she tries hoisting me up. I shake my head and try to get out of her grasp.

"Pansy, stop. It's not a big deal—"

"It is a big deal," she says, finally getting me up. She nods to Blaise and Draco. They both get up and grab Mattheo's arms, hoisting him up too.

We both try to tell them to stop, but they're already leading us out the door. They won't stop pushing us until they shove both of us in Mattheo's room and close the door. They mutter a spell.

We don't even look at each other before we start banging on the door and shouting at them to let us out.

"Until you work everything out, you're not getting out of there," Blaise says loudly against the door.

"Blaise's room is on the other side," Draco says loudly. "If you moan, we either think you're having sex or you're in a bad fight."

"Bye lovelies," Pansy says, and their footsteps leave us.

I grab the door knob and turn it roughly.

"Great. It's locked."