Endless Darkness

Chapter 15

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Koa? Koa? Koa?

I can't open my eyes. I can hear my heart monitor but I can't open my eyes. I can't move. I focus on my breathing. Then I focus on feeling myself in my body. I feel the pain in my arms and legs. Stinging as though someone sliced them open. I then remember I cut them open. I did this.

I slowly open my eyes. My eyes adjust and I look around the room. Was it all a dream? Did I hallucinate everything? The warmth surrounding my hand tells me it wasn't all a dream.

Koa sits on a chair holding my hand. His eyes are all puffy and red. He has eye bags under his closed eyes. His head is on one of his arms that is rested on my bed. His other holds my hand. I watch as he peacefully sleeps.

I truly was never alone. I was too caught up in my own issues to notice that Koa wasn't my enemy. He saved my life. More time than I know. I let him sleep seeing that he needs it. I caused him so much pain just because I was too selfish to notice everything he has done for me.

I reach my other hand up and remove a strand of his hair out of his face. Koa immediately shoots up.

"Nicole?" He blinks off the glazed look in his eyes quickly as he looks at me.

"Koa," I smile at him.

"H-how are you? I mean that's a stupid question. How much do you remember? Do you-" Koa rambles.

"I'm okay, I guess. I remember everything, Koa. Everything. And I am so sorry. I was too caught up in my own problems, I was too selfish to notice that I was never alone. I always had you. Through everything," Tears trickle down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. You deserved better and-"

This time Koa cuts me off, "Nicole," he wipes my tears away with his thumb. "I did it all on purpose. I made sure you hated me to make sure you would feel something. Anything. You weren't supposed to notice everything I did for you. You needed someone to hate so I was that person for you. I was going to let you remember that day all on your own," Koa explains as more tears fall down my face. Koa has tears falling down his own face too.

"Can I see?" I softly ask.

Koa nods his head and begins to take his shirt off. I look at all the scars that cover his abdomen and chest. My eyes stop at the one right above his heart. I reach my hand out and run my fingers over it.

"I didn't even notice. Not until I was dying," I stare at his chest. Feeling awful. "I'm so sorry." I failed everyone in my life.

"Don't be. What my father did was awful. I shouldn't have helped him. It's the least I could do," Koa puts his shirt back on and I bring my eyes up to his.

"What he did isn't your fault," I pause, "Can we go home?" I ask Koa quietly.

His eyes widen, "Home?"

"Yes," I smile a little, "Home."

Koas smile makes my heart skip a beat, "Of course we can go home. Whatever you want."

Koa stands up and walks into the hall calling for a doctor and a wheelchair. I watch from my bed as they bring in a wheelchair for me.

"Koa, I can walk," I know it's a lie but he shouldn't have to do more for me than he already has.

"Liar. I will carry you before I let you walk anywhere," Koa gives me a sharp look.

I begin sitting up, getting ready to sit in the wheelchair. I lift myself up on my elbows which sends a sharp pain through my arms. I wince but I don't give up. I keep trying to push myself up until I build up a sweat and lay back down.