Endless Darkness

Chapter 23

I decided it's time for me to finally visit Brandon. I have been putting it off, afraid of seeing what I have done. But now I am standing here, squeezing Koas hand, in front of his hospital room door.

I slowly open the door and walk in. I sit in the chair next to his bed and hold his hand.

"Hey Brandon. I'm sorry I haven't come in a while. I've been busy. I love you. I miss you. Please come back to me," I whisper to Brandon. A couple tears slip from my eyes.

As I am walking out of the room with Koa I hear Brandon's heart monitor speed up. I sprint back over to him.

"Brandon?" I grab his hand and pray to whatever god is up there, if there is a god that's up there.

Suddenly he shoots up and looks around. When his eyes meet mine he smiles, "Nickel!"

I hug Brandon tightly, "I've missed you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too. What happened Nickel?" Brandon asks me when I release him.

I begin to explain as much as I can. When I get to the part about Asura, Koa steps in and helps me explain. I see the recognition and realization flicker through Brandon's eyes as he remembers everything.

"I -I don't feel good Nickel," Brandon slowly blinks a couple times before he begins seizing.

I fall backwards into Koa and begin screaming. I just got him back. Now- now I am loosing him again. Koa holds me tightly as I watch the doctors try to hold Brandon down.

When Brandon stops moving I stare at the heart monitor waiting for it to pick up a heart beat. They get the paddles out. I turn away and tuck my head into Koa neck. I feel his arms wrap around my torso.

"Shhh, shhh. It's okay, darling. I'm here. It will be okay," he whispers soothingly in my ear.

I can hear all the nurses and doctors shouting. I can them all moving around. And then I can't. They stopped.

"Time of death..." I zone them out. I focus on the scent of Koa. I focus on his touch. I focus on his heart beat. I focus on him and only him. I force put the darkness that threatens to fall over me once again. I stay strong for Koa. I don't let the intrusive thoughts settle in my mind.

I don't know when but I eventually move away from Koa and look at Brandon. I kiss his cheek and say goodbye. I then walk out the door with Koa.

I at least got to say goodbye.

***

Koa and I stand in front of my mother and fathers graves. A newly dug grave now sits next to it. I new grave for Brandon.

I don't cry as much as I thought I would. I feel as though I knew this was coming. I knew in the end it would just be Koa and I. No one else.

I watch as they lower his casket into the ground and bury him. Koa helps them. I sit and watch, saying more goodbyes to my brother. When they are all done I stay for a little while longer.

"I will meet you at the car so you can have some alone time with your brother," Koa kisses my cheek and walks to the car.

I take a deep breath.

"I am sorry. I'm sorry dad and mom for not being able to protect my baby brother. I'm sorry dad for failing you and getting you killed. I'm sorry Brandon for getting you killed. I love you all so, so much. These are mistakes I will carry with me forever but- bug I can't keep letting them effect me. I have to move on. I have to keep my life moving. I will try my best to make up for what I have done. I love you all. Goodbye," I turn around and begin walking to the car when I see Jake standing there with flowers.