his star

𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐈

𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨

Hope is something a lot of people have, but they often know that it's useless.

They try to persuade themselves into believing something, into staying positive even though the whole world around them knows that they won't succeed. People hold on to that hope because they don't want to face reality, the reality in which everything is worse than the picture they created for themselves in their head.

Hope is a great thing because no one would blame you for having it. Everyone hopes and wishes and believes and they don't care about the fact that it is to no use or that they will get disappointed in the end or that they are lying to themselves.

Good things, that's what we all want and knowing that the good exists often is enough for us to know. Of course everyone wants to possess the good, but sometimes we subconsciously know that it will never be ours so we at least let ourselves have it in our imagination.

I have hope that someday my life will get better.

I have hope that at the end of it all, I will still be alive and unharmed.

I have hope that someone mysteriously appears and that that someone will get rid of the Dark Lord and everything he brings with himself.

I have hope that someday, I can run away and leave my old life, my old self, behind and be whoever I want without having to listen to the others.

I have hope, but I also know that it's just in my head and that real life looks completely different. I'm aware of the fact that I just try to speak positively in order to not lose myself completely.

On the one side, there is the kind of hope you have because you want to make reality a bit better for yourself even though you know that you are doomed and that nothing gets better. On the other side, there is the kind of hope which actually has a use. Occasionally, there are things we hope for and we know that we will actually have them someday, the only thing we hope for now is that it will come soon and that it will actually be as great as we imagined.

Mostly hope is something cruel because we wait and wait but nothing comes. You can beg the universe to give you something, you can hope all day long for every day of your life, but that won't matter in the end because you'll still be you, nothing will have changed and the only thing you will have achieved is that you have waisted all your time on hoping for things you knew will never be yours.

Today, I have hope and I think that I will be rewarded in some way.

My eyes are scanning the lines of the page I'm reading, eye apples feeling like they are turning into ice blocks because of the wind which is cooling them. I haven't blinked even though it would be necessary, but I'm too focused on rereading this one specific sentence, this one specific incantation.

Three words. The incantation is made up of three words and I don't think that three words have ever brought my heart to beat faster than these ones do.

This could be it, this could be the end of an awful time and the beginning of an even worse. When I think about it more precisely, I shouldn't be too relieved to have found it because that means that I'm coming closer to the end, closer to actually thinking about killing someone.

Whatever, right now all that matters is that the incantation might work which is also good because then I have certainty that I am one step closer to pleasing the Dark Lord, one step closer to escaping my terrible fate.

I scan the page once more before I decide to close the book, holding it in my hand while a shiver runs up and down my spine, letting me physically feel the hope I have.