Too Much

The Overview Effect

The overview effect. First described by the crew of Apollo 8, the overview effect penetrated all their minds forever with but one glance back at Earth.

238,900 miles away from Earth, orbiting a moon they saw every night but only now could reach, three people experienced profound disassociation specifically tailored to them.

The Earth, on which they had spent their whole lives living and growing, on which held all their loved ones, their lively hood, 7 billion people, 8.7 million species, was so small against the matte drop of space. This image of an Earth rising, just as the moon would, over a lunar plane haunted the crew of Apollo 8 for the rest of their days.

The years they dedicated to science, their struggle to get where they were that day, were suddenly snuffed as they saw just how insignificant they were. They were aware they were making history, but at the same time, what did it matter?

What really differentiated their lives from the ones on Earth? As time moves on, so will the people, so will Earth, so what does it matter?

Kaleb decided this would be his last minute logic into why he's flying back to his hometown in hopes of rekindling the last bit of positive emotions Dimitri has for him.

He's going into the territory a stranger so before he goes anywhere else, he has to meet the Alpha to get granted freedom of the pack. His plan was far from fool proof and honestly one of the dumbest things he's ever thought of but Kaleb is desperate.

It was either never try again or make a fool of himself for trying, the stakes were high for Kaleb.

His leg bounced up and down as he sat in the back of the taxi, watching the meter get higher and higher. In less than 12 hours Kaleb had gone from his apartment in the city to back in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. He was nervous beyond comprehension which landed him in an awful feeling between dread and denial.

As he saw gates coming into view he informed the taxi to drop him off in from of the house at the very end of the drive.

This is it, Kaleb thought, this is finally it.

Dimitri was in his office, doing nothing, for once. It had been long enough after Kaleb had left for him to get back into his routine, but he couldn't find it in himself to do it. It was already noon and he hasn't done his surveying of the grounds or met with advisors to discuss the increasing hostility of the neighboring packs.

Dimitri was drained. He wanted his bed. He was a hollow of the boy he used to be and he could not dissent that any longer.

He wanted his dad back. As far from a nurturing father he was, he was good in his own way. He taught Dimitri to be strong but to show his emotions and not view them as a weakness. He may not have received the attention he deserved but he was raised just enough to be thankful for what he was given. Dimitri could grieve and resent at the same time, he'd been doing the same thing with Kaleb for years.

Dimitri was staring at a photo he had on his desk when he heard a knock. He blinked away the dryness coating his eyes and called the visitor in, but the dryness returned when he saw who entered.

The only stared at each other. Kaleb felt his resolve vibrate under the intensity of Dimitri's gaze.

"Why are you back, Kaleb."

Once again, Kaleb found himself returning to Dimitri not knowing what to say. But different from before Dimitri couldn't find anger within himself, he could barely muster annoyance through the tired fog in his mind.

"I— uh..."

"If you're just here to waste both our time I suggest leaving," Dimitri said, looking at the unfinished paper work for the first time that morning, sighing.

Kaleb might've done what Dimitri told him to do, if he wasn't stuck, feet plastered to the floorboards like the Goddess had her hands over his shoulders and was pushing down. But swarms of thoughts flooded Kaleb's mind, if I succeed in this, will years of my life had just gone to waste? I put myself through so much suffering, so what if it all amounts to nothing? Should I leave here? Should I go again? End this pattern and finally leave my past in the past?

Then Kaleb remembered.

What does it matter? My life is already so futile, so messed up. So what does it matter?

"Demi, I love you," Dimitri's annoyance paused, "I loved you before I found out you were supposed to be mine, I've loved you for longer than we've known each other, before the Goddess decided we were fated, and I've never stopped.

"I know I'm selfish and me being here is making it worse. But you already think the worst of me so I figured I could at least try one last time because that's what you deserve," Kaleb didn't have a plan going into this, but he had a feeling this isn't how it was supposed to go if he did.

"I'm sorry I didn't try harder to be with you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you we were meant to be. I knew you would have done everything in your power to not let me go and I couldn't let that happen. You were destined to be Alpha and I believed that to be a fate greater than you and I. So I left."

"There was no point in me being Alpha if there was nobody by my side to ground me," Dimitri said in a neutral tone, if he wasn't already before, he was exhausted now. "You left before even giving me a choice. Times are changing, the concept of 2 male mates was unheard of until a few decades ago, we could have found a way to be together, we could have been together," the unspoken words of a abandoned 18-year-old finally surfaced.

A brief pause followed. "I'm willing to give you the choice now." Kaleb gave no further instructions, he didn't need to, Dimitri was looking him square in the eyes and new exactly what he meant. Dimitri took a moment to look back at the framed photo sat pretty on his desk. It was old and a little yellowed, but it still clearly showed the bright young faces of a human Kaleb and a wolfish Dimitri. Just then, Dimitri made his decision with a frown.

But Dimitri's silence made Kaleb uneasy. Looking at the floor, a bit of the old and easily shaken Kaleb peered through, "We could start anew. We are no longer the same people so we could take the time to learn about each other again. You don't have to force yourself to like me again, we could just try and see what happens. Or—" Kaleb hadn't noticed the sound of faux leather rubbing on dress pants, the sound of shoes clopping over hardwood floors, or them stoping right in front of him over the sound of his own voice.

He noticed the face getting closer to his though, he noticed the familiar feeling of lips on his, he noticed his eyes closing, he noticed the hands gracing his cheeks, he noticed the other person pulling away, and he noticed the sound of Dimitri's voice.

"Took you long enough."

Kaleb's eyes never sparkled so bright, "Shut up."