Too Much

Don't Think, Just Do

"You know Kaleb, if you spend all your time thinking of how to get your point across, the other person will never know how you feel."

Samuel said those words to Kaleb after Dimitri and him had their first big fight.

In middle school Dimitri got jealous that Kaleb was hanging out with a girl that was on his co-ed soccer team. The two only sat next to each other in English and said 'hi' when passing in the hall, but Dimitri saw her as a threat.

To a 11-year-old boy, a girl taking away your best friend was a very real and very vivid fear, at least to Dimitri it was. To Kaleb, his best friend was being stupid.

He tried really hard to think of the perfect way to express to Dimitri just how stupid he thought he was being, and ended up ignoring him for a whole week. That lead to tiny misunderstandings piling up and eventually toppling over into a screaming match.

He'd forgotten all about it until now.

Now, as he sits on a twin sized mattress, thousands of miles away from home.

That week he spent in his hometown felt so short. Kaleb was so sure of himself that something was going to happen between him and Dimitri. He was positive that this was the moment he was subconsciously waiting for.

7 years. 7 years he spent convincing himself Dimitri had moved on and forgot about him. Through the vile taste in his mouth, he told himself that Dimitri's second chance mate would've found him and given him a family.

For 7 years Kaleb told himself that the reason Dimitri and he couldn't be happy, wasn't because he wasn't enough. It was because he was too much.

The logic was sound to him. If he wasn't an alpha, he could have stayed, "Old Laws" be damned. If he wasn't a man, Dimitri could have grown to love him as something other than a friend. If he wasn't as tall, if his features weren't as sharp, his personality as aloof. They could have been happy if Kaleb wasn't himself.

That's what Kaleb believed.

Staring at a photo taken when things weren't as complicated, Kaleb sighs. Dimitri has cut his hair shorter since graduating, grown more muscles as well, adorns more scars. Though, he's the same height, has the same emerald eyes, and stubborn demeanor when he's upset.

After all this time, this was the first instance Kaleb let himself regret leaving Dimitri.

Kaleb hears a rapping coming from his die door. Stuffing the photo of Dimitri and him back in his wallet, he sloths to the door. He finds Adam on the other side.

Once upon a time two weeks ago, Kaleb would have considered Adam a perfect doppelgänger of Dimitri. Now, with Dimitri's annoyed face fresh in his mind, Kaleb couldn't help but pick apart where every difference they shared lied.

"I thought I'd surprise you, I didn't expect you to look so ticked off though," Adam drawled with a slight southern twang.

"I'm not ticked off," Kaleb rebutted.

"Could've fooled me. So, are you gunna let me in or will I have to make myself at home in front of your entrance," Adam smirked, "Yknow I much prefer a different kind of entrance."

"You're gross," Kaleb said, letting him inside either way.

Adam b-lined for the reclining chair Kaleb had in the corner of his studio apartment, wasting no time in kicking off his shoes and ridding his coat. With his hands behind his head, Kaleb was reminded of why he once thought Adam resembled Dimitri to an uncanny extent. With loose waves shielding an underbelly of silk like curls closer to his neck, a relaxed smile upon his lips, and an aura that calmed his anxiety, Kaleb was reminded of the boy he once loved.