Dollhouse | scream series ²

I'm Still Standing

To say I had been avoiding Cici for the last few days was a bit of an understatement in the sense that I was actively avoiding her and everyone else. My sister had tried to talk to me a few times, but I wouldn't have wanted to talk to her even if I wasn't avoiding everyone.

Mickey was the only one I had been spending any time with, which was mostly filled with horror movie watching. He'd all taken me to the campus video editing room, where he showed me how he edited all the things he taped on his camcorder.

Finding out that my new friend's name was the same as my old best friend, who got murdered by my other best friend and boyfriend, rocked me. Casey is a pretty common name, and I knew I wouldn't have to avoid it forever, but what were the odds that it was Cici's real name.

While it did send shivers down my spine, the more rational side of my brain was nudging me to go find Cici and forget about it. The look of confusion on her face when I quickly made up an excuse to leave and then all but ran from her played in my mind on a loop.

It was like she knew something had happened, but she couldn't put her finger on it, and it's not like I gave her much of a chance to figure it out either. When she entered the room, I exited, when she called me, I rejected it.

I was being a sucky friend because of my trauma.

Sighing to myself as I pull my hood over my head, the weather looking the way I feel. Students were running all around me as I wandered the campus aimlessly. Kicking my converse through a muddy puddle and skimming a small rock with the toe of my shoe, I shivered from the cold of the rain.

Just as I was about to turn around and head back to my dorm in hopes of Tara and Willow being done with their 'special time,' I saw a very familiar figure leaving the theatre. Sidney was obviously doing some work inside, and as much as I wanted to let it go, my curiosity had gotten the best of me.

Slowly making my way towards the theatre, I peek through the doors, seeing no one; I slip inside silently. The sheer size of the room was daunting after having classes in a small space and tables almost touching. I could always hear Randy muttering some movie quote or sarcastic comment about a classmate if I was quiet enough.

Moving up to the stage, I carefully skimmed my finger over some of the instruments that people had left unattended.

Music therapy had been one of the most significant recovery aids in the hospital. At first, I wanted nothing to do with it – like everything else in there – but once again, Sue had managed to find something in me that not even I knew I had.

Talent.

Sitting at the piano stool, I glanced over the beautiful glossy black wood of the grand piano before placing my fingers down on the ivory keys. I didn't expect to ever play the piano after leaving Westin Hills, but here I was.

My fingers diligently moved over the white and black keys as the sound came from the grand instrument. My smile grew a little more as I instinctively played the songs Sue and I practiced over times when she had snuck me into the music room.

Without thought, my lips began to move along with the music "Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did / Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid / I'm still standing after all this time / Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind-"

The sound of clapping quickly pulled me out of the small jam I had going on as all my fingers clanked against the keys in shock. Turning my head, I noticed a tall gray man clapping while watching me from the seats.

My eyes widened quickly as I rapidly spat out words, none which made much sense, as I collected myself and stood. "No, no, you don't need to-," he began as I tried to make a quick exit.

Running down the opposite side of the theater to him, I could only hear concern and wonder his voice as he called me back. At least I knew that I wasn't in trouble for sneaking in.

Forgetting to pull my hood back up, I rushed through campus as my heart continued to beat rapidly, my hair began to stick to my face, and I could just tell that my mascara was running underneath my eyes.

"Kat?" crossing my arms over myself in comfort as my feet stomped in more puddles. "Kat!-" gasping, I turned in surprise when my arm was grabbed, and for a moment, my heart stopped as if waiting for something terrible to happen.

Closing my eyes in relief when I see Cici, my hand automatically clutches my chest over my heart. "You scared me," I admitted as she gave me a sad smile. Glancing at me, she gently puts her arm around me and leans her bright pink umbrella over the two of us.

"Come on, I'll take you back to your dorm room" I nodded silently at her words and let her pull me towards my dorm. The atmosphere around us wasn't awkward, but it had an air of sadness. I knew we were both suffering from my avoidance.

Opening the door to my room, Cici walked us in, and I looked up to see Tara and Willow cuddling on the bed, smiling at us until they saw the state I was in. "Oh Tara, I think I left something in my dorm. We should-".

My roommate nodded her head at her girlfriend, but her eyes never left mine. "Yeah, we should," she agreed as they gathered their bags. Tara pressed her hand gently to my shoulder as she and Willow passed by. "You know where we are," she whispered into my ear.

Closing the door behind them, Cici began to move about my room as I just sat at the end of my bed, leaving my wet hoodie to dry on the back of my desk chair. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, looking down at my hands, hoping she'd understand.

"Don't be," The blonde sighed softly as she began to dry my wet hair off with the dark red towel that was usually sat in the closet with all of my shower essentials. It was moments like these that made me realize how much I appreciated my friendship with Cici.

Even having a friendship at all.

Cici stops drying my hair and sits on the bed with me. "You have your issues. I don't want to force you to have to talk to me. I know you will when you're ready" I blinked slowly as I took in her words.

Why couldn't everyone be like her?

Even my own twin tries to force me to tell her my problems, but here's a girl whom I made friends with only a short time ago and already knows how not to push my buttons.

"It's was your name," I explained honestly as my gaze was stuck to the pattern on my bedsheets. "When you told me your name was Casey, I freaked out, and I just couldn't do it again," I whispered in despair.

"Do what?" The older girl in front of me questioned, leaning her head towards mine as she tried to catch my eye.

Taking her hands in mine, I played with the ring on her index finger as I tried to think of a place to start. "I had a friend called Casey-" my eyes met the blondes who was watching me with a frown "-she was murdered."