Lost and Unfound

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I sat in the room for at least an hour after Dr. Myers left, my eyes locked on the clock as the minute hand ticked by. The room's silence only fueled my dissociation until an exaggerated gasp shattered it.

"Oh, Katherine. I didn't realize you were still in here" My eyes stayed locked onto the clock as the minute hand passed 12, ready to do another minute. "Katherine, are you okay?".

"I'm fine" I couldn't even recognize my own voice right now; it sounded so void of emotion.

Watching the clock, I frowned to myself, thinking about the whole appointment with Dr. Myers. Something was nagging at me in the back of my head, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

I shouldn't have been let off what I did, everyone could clearly tell that I was very close to hurting Sidney, and I probably would have had Dr. Myers and Mickey not pull me away at the last minute.

Why was Sidney even allowed in here with us? My files clearly state no group sessions with family, not even my dad, and, most of all, no Sidney.

Dr. Myers left with an unusually soft pat on my head as she gave a rare smile stating she had to meet her son for dinner. I wasn't aware she even had kids; she didn't seem the type.

"Katherine?" I turned to look at the receptionist, who was watching me with a concerned expression as she seemed a little perturbed by my silence. "Do you need me to get anyone, Hon?".

"No-" Picking up my messenger back, I put it over my shoulder "-I'm fine. Just needed a minute" At her eyebrow raised, I rolled my eyes as I mumbled, "Or sixty."

Moving past her, I just waved my hand when she offered to find the 'handsome' gentleman I had arrived with. "No. I'm okay. Just going back to my dorm".

Playing with the ring on my finger, I realized getting back would be less inconspicuous than I thought, as every pair of eyes in a mile's radius stuck to me as soon as I exited the building.

I could feel their gaze and hear their whispers as I crossed my arms over my chest and walked through the rain toward my dorm. By now, I was used to being gossiped about, but it angered me that, once again, I came out as the villain.

Sidney has probably told her preppy little boyfriend and idiot friend of hers that I had attacked her for no reason.

Yes, I admit I wanted to spill her guts to the ground and fantasized about it a lot, but it wasn't unprovoked. Even years after our mother's death, she was finding ways to make me feel like an outsider.

Opening my dorm room door, I blinked, seeing Tara jump in fright. "Hey-," she said almost awkwardly, more awkward than usual. "I- uh, put your flowers in a vase," she motions to the colored flowers sitting in a mason jar beside my bed.

"Thanks," I mumbled, throwing my bag into the corner of my half of the room, kicking off my boots, and sitting on the edge of my bed, wet from the rain. "You should keep them thought. I'll only end up killing them".

Tara is silent as I stop to think about my wrong choice of words. I could tell she already knew about what had happened. It's not unusual for her to be fidgety, but I could practically feel her anxiety from here.

"I wasn't gonna hurt her," I say over my shoulder, which was a lie. Not that Tara knew that, but I didn't want my roommate to be afraid of me, especially since I kinda liked her.

"Did you want to?" Glancing in her direction, I said nothing as we locked eyes. Her face was void of any judgment or fear. It was like she was staring through me and into my soul.

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