Little Girl Blue - 𝐖𝐋𝐖

𝐈. Philia- TwentySix

Her fingers wrapped around a curl. "I love this." She breathed, further nuzzling her nose it the nape of my neck. I closed my eyes wanting to memorize this moment. How good it felt to be sitting in between her legs, coated in her warmth for the sun and flowers to see.

Tonight the air felt thicker. Maybe it was due to the rain still washing over, that sweet-salty mist in the air lingering. Perhaps it was the fact I could smell Jane's glasses of champagne on her lips and there was nothing stopping me from tasting it.

Temptation. That's what tonight was. Never mind everything else, something groped us and pulled us closer, and despite it being momentary, we didn't push it away.

I sauntered down between her legs, resting my head on her shoulder. We were watching the rest of the sun set, our food now had swarms of flies puckering the pasta. But our bellies were full and seemingly, our hearts, and there was no reason to be dissatisfied.

"Is this what you do when I give you a little freedom? You go and cut off all your hair." She had been in this light, joking mood for some time. Pestering me whilst in the kitchen, sticking a spoon in the sauce, coming around every five minutes to poke my sides and run her hand through my hair. It was like she was caught in a school girl daze.

Something happened, and all she told me was, "not now."

I shrugged off any feeling of doubt, wanting to trust this and her and not question when she was in a happy mood. Days like this we were rare. We were always floating in this tension of awkwardness and wanting to hold the other.

It was more than emotionally complicated but now there seemed to be rules—boundaries that neither of us verbally set.

They were the kind that said if you don't tell, neither will I. And as painful as that was: to have to dance around the others traumas all while falling for them, it was the only way this was feasible.

Of course curiosity won sometimes and then that served us well. Others, it made things crumble and fester. Those days are when Jane drinks. Those days are when I want to run again, scream.

She has taught me patience. Broken me down in subtle ways that made me want to start trying in my life.

And anyway, it was time I learned.

Too much time had passed when I didn't respond. I was stuck watching the sun descend, the weight of her arms now felt wrapped around my waist. I blushed, "you don't hug me enough."

"You don't always let me." She countered, snuggling closer and inhaling me. I wanted to tell her. Tell her how much I appreciated her, how much I wanted her. And yet how sorry I was.

Let it go. I tried shaking off this dirty feeling. Keeping up with the lies was starting to get to me.

"Don't use your teacher antics on me. I was just..stating a fact." I remained coy trying to calm my nerves.

"And that is you're hopeless romantic, how sweet." She gushed.

I rolled my eyes, slightly elbowing her. She had some nerve knowing she was a tease and using that against me.

"You should be nicer to me—" I wanted to add how I was the only one she had but I knew it was the other way around. She had Nicky and Kaylee and Greta.

She seemed to know this. "Stop thinking. You mean something to me, too. And maybe I should go a little easier on you," she chuckled, tickling at my sides. But I knew she loved to give me a hard time, see me shift beneath her gaze and control. She knew the extent of her power on me.

Finally dark, I could see the speckle of stars peek through the navy blanket of the sky. Ahead, the wilted and dried flowers made the air stink with something sweet. Extending my legs out from the cover, I ran my toes through the cool grass blades. Clearing my throat, I thought of earlier. "Speaking of teaching, how did today go?"