Lie of My Life

18 Time and Place

So it wasn't ideal.

I'd kept the secret for the entirety of our relationship, or whatever you might call the friends with benefits situation Carter and I had had, but a potential pregnancy on the heels of a break up that was never supposed to be possible was not something I was capable of handling myself. So I had asked Emma to leave the bar with me. I'd told her that it was an emergency that the guys could know nothing about. And I'd ignored Carter's eyes on me while she'd made up some masterful excuse about cramps and needing to go home for some self care.

Obviously, they didn't ask any questions. Men never did when it came to PMS.

So now I was dragging her down the street to the only pharmacy within a mile that was open twenty four hours. I didn't say a word despite her constant badgering questions. I needed her support but I didn't have the thought capacity to give her an explanation. Not yet. The only thing I could think of was the next step in the process. Step One. Buy a pregnancy test.

Her questions came to an abrupt halt when we entered the Walgreens and I picked up that little pink box.

"Okay," she said slowly, more gently, as I stared down at the label. 99% accurate. She went from interrogation mode to supportive mode in that split second, taking the box from me and heading for the register while spouting off orders. "You call a cab. I'll get this."

Grateful for someone telling me what to do, I pulled out my phone and ordered an Uber.

Minutes later, Emma and I sat in silence in the back of a Toyota Camry, small plastic Walgreens bag on the seat between us.

Step Two. Go Home.

She wasted no time when we arrived back at the apartment building. Thanking the driver, she grabbed the bag and hopped out onto the sidewalk. I followed after her, willing my legs to move as my brain whirred with thoughts I'd rather not yet face.

Emma took the steps two at a time, not even hesitating when she reached my door. Pulling out her own set of keys to my apartment, she turned the lock and let us in. I shuffled inside as she flicked the light switch and tossed the bag onto the counter. As she shut the door behind her, I stared out at the carnage that was my living room. The mess we had left behind. Ripped open bag of chips, empty beer bottles, a few forgotten popcorn kernels scattered on the rug. It all seemed so... normal. Just like the sports bar. Just like the pharmacy. It was so surreal. To see that the world keeps turning even when yours is falling apart.

"Ava," Emma said and I turned to find her holding the box out to me. I blinked at it for a moment.

Step Three. Take the test.

I reached out and took it from her. Taking a deep breath, I made my way toward the bathroom. After a brief overview of the instructions, I was ready. The process was simple enough. Uncap it, pee on it, cap it back, and wait. Such an insignificant task for such a monumental result.

I followed the instructions, setting it on the side of the sink, and stepping back. I stared at it for a moment, waiting for the lines to appear, but then thought that might drive me crazy, and turned to open the door instead. Emma was waiting on the other side, wringing her hands together.

"Well?" She asked.

"It takes three minutes," I told her and she nodded.

We stood there, in the hallway just outside of the bathroom. I literally counted the seconds, feeling like I could almost hear the sound of a clock ticking in my head. Finally, without a word, I pushed off from my spot on the wall and stepped back into the bathroom. I could feel Emma standing in the doorway behind me.

I reached for the small white stick, lifting it up to my eyes and reading the result. One line.

Negative.

I felt all the tension in my shoulders relax. It was as if I could breathe again. All of those thoughts, all of those worries about what I was going to do, how I was going to tell Carter after he'd made it perfectly clear that there was no future for us, dissipated in an instant. And yet, the void they created was simultaneously filled with a strange disappointment. As if my thrill at a negative test went against biology itself. Perhaps it did.

"Ava-"

"Negative," I told her and watched as Emma visibly relaxed as well.

She nodded and strode from the bathroom back toward the kitchen. I threw the test away, washed my hands, and went to join her. I knew I was going to have to answer for my actions even before I rounded the corner to find her watching me, lips pursed and arms crossed, from behind the counter.

"I owe you an explanation..." I started.

"I'll say," she snapped. "Look Ava. You know I will always be there for you. Whenever you need. But you sort of blindsided me with this. I mean, I didn't even know you were seeing anyone. At least, not seriously or consistently."

"I know. I know, Emma, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I told her and I meant it. "I was seeing someone but it... it just ended."

"Who was it?"

I hesitated here. This was the question I'd been dreading.

"It doesn't matter," I told her. "It's over."

"Ava."

"I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to wait to see if it went anywhere and, clearly, it hasn't so-"

"Whoever he is, he could have been the father of your child, Ava. What were you thinking? Were you not careful?"

We were. Every time. But there's always a chance and maybe I'd panicked a bit when I realized I was late.

"Emma, please don't yell at me right now," I said, my voice smaller than I'd hoped. Emma's anger deflated and she simply nodded. Then i made my final request of her for the evening. "Please stay with me tonight."

She nodded again without hesitation and pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Just let me call Shane," she said and I watched as she walked off into the hallway to make her call.

I pulled out my phone and did some correspondence of my own. Perhaps it wasn't the best time to be making important life decisions but I wanted to make this call before I changed my mind. So I opened a new text to Mindy and reread it only once before I hit send.

Call Max Jordan. Set it up.