Lie of My Life

19 Suitcase

Chicago. 5 pm on Friday.

That was today. Mindy had managed to set up what was perhaps the most important business meeting of my life the very day after I had requested it. So I was flying out today and Emma was helping me pack.

She'd stayed the night after the game, after my crying episode in the bathroom of a dirty sports bar, and after my negative pregnancy test. And now she was helping me pack, trying not to stare at me too hard in that concerned, motherly is she actually okay way. I tried to ignore it but after half an hour of silent packing I couldn't stand it anymore. I sighed.

"I'm fine, okay?" I huffed, shoving a pair of pajamas into my suitcase a little rougher than necessary.

"I know," she said. "It's just... are you going to tell him?"

"Who?"

"The almost dad."

I thought about it for a minute and then answered with certainty, "no."

She frowned at that.

"Ava-"

"Good morning party people!" Someone shouted suddenly, interrupting our conversation. Emma did not tear her gaze away from me as Wes sauntered into my bedroom wearing the same suit as last night. Aaron followed, collapsing onto my bed. Shane and Carter entered next. Shane went to Emma, hugging her from behind and whispering something into her ear that had her smiling despite the concern in her eyes. Carter hung by the door, watching me, unsure if he should be here. I just slammed the suitcase closed which drew his attention there. His brow furrowed in confusion and I could almost hear his voice asking me the question I know his brain wanted to. Going somewhere?

"What a crazy night," Aaron chuckled, looking over at Emma and I. "Where did you two get to?"

"We-" Emma started but I interrupted.

"Were tired," I finished for her, casting her a glance that I hoped she took to mean I didn't want to tell them either. "Just tired."

"I get that. I'm pretty beat myself," Aaron admitted, grunting like a middle aged man as he lifted himself off of the bed and stood. "I'm gonna hit the bathroom real quick and then we all thought we could grab some breakfast."

I just nodded, too busy trying to communicate with Emma via my eyes not to tell these guys anything more about last night. She was getting the hint but cocking her head to the side as if she didn't understand why.

"I know we're sold on the cafe across the street," Shane said innocently. "But there's this diner downtown that one of my coworkers said-"

"Dude, no," Wes interrupted, holding up a hand and shaking his head. "Cafe or bust. You don't mess with tradition."

"I just thought, with the hangovers you and Aaron are bound to have, that some greasy diner food might-"

"What does one line mean?"

We all whirled around to see Aaron standing in the doorway, face pale and jaw clenched, holding the discarded pregnancy test in front of him between his fingers.

It was like the air was sucked out of the room. You could hear my grandmother's antique clock ticking in the corner. All eyes went wide and then slowly strayed to Emma and I. Shane backed away, turning Emma so she was looking in his eyes and I realized then what they must have thought. Right. Emma was in a steady relationship. Emma had a man in her life. Ava, as far as most of them knew, did not. But I could not ignore the one pair of eyes bulging out of their owner's head, staring at me in a way that was begging me to look back. But I did not.

"Em-" Shane started slowly.

"Negative," I answered my brother's question. I couldn't let Emma take the heat for me. I sighed, reaching out and taking the test from Aaron. "It means negative."

As the others reacted with a mixture of shock and relief, I became the one silently begging Carter to look at me. But his eyes were glued to the floor and his expression was the perfect impression of a fish, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing softly.

"Ava," Aaron said carefully. "This is yours?"

I just nodded.

"Who?" He asked, this time the word came out strained and I looked up to find my brother furious, barely restraining rage, face turning red in anger. Carter's gaze snapped up to him as well and his lips parted in something akin to fear.

"What?" I asked, more to buy myself some time than anything else.

"Who the hell is the bastard that nearly knocked you up?" He snapped. I cringed.

"Alright," Emma said, thankfully coming to my rescue and stepping between Aaron and I. "I think it's best if we all respect Ava's privacy. It was a pregnancy scare. It happens. But it was just a scare. So we can all move on, okay? Shane, you said something about a diner?"

Aaron didn't say another word. He just stormed from the room. A moment later, I heard my apartment door slam closed behind him. I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears, as everyone else fell into an awkward silence.

"I've actually got to get to work," Wes said quietly before slipping out of the room himself.

"Are you okay, Ava?" Emma asked, gently placing a hand on my arm. "I can help you finish packing if-"

"I got it," someone else spoke and I looked up, finally meeting Carter's eyes. He was fighting to maintain a neutral expression but I saw the emotional turmoil there. I knew it was reflected in my own. "I'll help her."

Emma nodded and gave me a hug before allowing Shane to lead her out of my apartment and towards one of theirs for, I imagine, some much needed rest.

Carter and I stood in silence long after we both heard the door shut behind Emma and Shane as they'd left. I stared at my suitcase, knowing there was more I should pack but unable to remember for the life of me what it might be.

"Ava-" Carter tried but I turned my back to him and went to my suitcase.

"Don't," I snapped.

I opened the lid and just started throwing clothes into it. I'd buy toiletries if I had to. I just needed to get out of here. Now.

"Please, Ava," he begged as I packed feverishly. "Talk to me."

"We broke up," I reminded him. "The test was negative. It's over, Carter. What is there to talk about?"

He blinked at me as if somehow caught off guard by what I'd said, as if any of it were something he wasn't already aware of.

"Ava, I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know."

I did know. We'd had an agreement. I was the one who caught stupid feelings halfway through. I was the one who put too much of my heart into it. I was to blame. Just me.

"Our friendship is important to me," he said then and I could practically hear his voice cracking with concern. I turned to face him.

"It's important to me too," I told him.

"So," he started, eyes glistening in the morning sun. He was so beautiful that it hurt. "We can still be friends."

I tore my gaze away from him, zipping up the suitcase and pulling it from the bed.

"Yes," I told him and he visibly relaxed. I couldn't even look at him. I couldn't imagine a life without Carter in it, even in some small way, but right now I couldn't even look at him without wanting to cry. "Eventually. But not right now. Right now, I need some... time. And some space."

It was as if he noticed the suitcase again for the first time.

"Where are you-"

"Chicago. It's best that you don't call me or text me while I'm away. Just... let me get over you, get over... this."

I didn't wait for a response. I just walked away, pulling my suitcase behind me, and left Carter and all that was between us for another day.