Rekindling

Chapter 2 - Bad Dream

Those first few moments after waking up are pure comfort.

For a few seconds, my constantly preoccupied brain with its rapidly turning wheels, is blissfully unaware of anything bad or upsetting – or really, anything at all. It feels like I am floating on a soft cloud, somewhere unimportant. Nowhere specific. It doesn't even matter, as long as it is anywhere but reality.

Unfortunately, this state of complete, blessed ignorance is very short-lived.

A few seconds after I wake up, it is so quickly replaced by a wave of unpleasant thoughts and memories that I almost get whiplash. Without warning, everything that happened when I was last aware of my surroundings washes over me like a tidal wave, brutally chasing away the last bits of cozy comfort that I was enjoying.

Sam had a biking accident!

I blink rapidly as this painful thought invades my mind and simultaneously rams a stake right through my heart. Gasping, I curl up in a tight ball, trying and miserably failing to get rid of the physical pain this one memory causes.

But my brain ignores any of my futile attempts to make it stop repeatedly playing these haunting images of Sam falling over on his bike, disappearing right in front of my eyes into nothingness. Over and over again, my inner eye is forced to witness how he tumbles and falls over the edge. How that ocean blue shirted man just appears out of nowhere, viciously attacking my unsuspecting brother.

My throat constricts and the pain in my heart grows with every unwanted repeat of these horrible events. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take deep, labored breaths, willing – pleading – my exhausted brain to move onto more neutral territory.

Luke and Sean are here.

I almost let out a relieved yelp when it finally works and I remember this unexpected but exciting turn of events. Almost, because no sound manages to make its way past that meanwhile familiar lump which seems permanently lodged in the back of my throat.

Normally, knowing that my two mostly absent brothers are here would make me feel joyful and happy, giddy even. But now, with that dreadful uncertainty looming over my head, clouding my brain, all it does is make me feel a tiny bit less panicked than I would be otherwise.

They are going to tell Alex!

Just when I think that it isn't possible to feel any worse, this paralyzing thought pushes itself to the forefront of my mind. It has the questionable power to instantly cut off my airways, leaving me gasping for air like a fish out of water. My hands automatically fly to my throat as I shoot up from my lying down position, frantically clawing at said body part. Inhuman sounds escape my lips as black dots start to dance in front of my eyes.

I instinctively kick my legs out and pound my feet onto the semi-soft surface beneath me – where even am I? – forcing my lungs to remember their intended purpose and allow some oxygen to enter my body before I pass out. Or die.

Sam's dead.

This realization hits me with such force that I think it shocks my body right back into business. I cough as a big gulp of air finds its way in through my nostrils and mouth, completely overwhelming me because I didn't think I'd be able to take a proper breath anytime soon. My head spins from the sudden influx of oxygen and I let myself fall back onto what I have now identified as my bed at the cabin.

Has Sam really died?

As I slowly start to gain back control over my overly active brain, I am able to form more coherent thoughts. My breathing is still a bit off, but I can feel how it gradually becomes less ragged. Having fallen away from my throat when I laid back down, my hands are now placed on either side of me. Like lifelines, grounding me, my fingers curl into the linens which are a bit rough from having been washed hundreds of times over the years. I start to relax as I continue to take deep, soothing breaths.