The Magnificent Women of Rafael Silvestre

Lie #9: John Lloyd Cruz

"UNTIL WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO KILL YOURSELF?"

Akala ko ay mag-isa lang akong nandoon. Well, I didn't know Lincoln was there in Delano's. Hanggang sa car park ay sinundan ako nito, para mag-yosi.

"Ang pagyoyosi? Until I kill myself," I puffed after answering his question.

"No, 'yong paghabol mo kay Rafael. Hanggang kailan mo gagawin 'yan?"

I stared at Lincoln. "Bakit ba? Mahal ko siya."

"Kahit nasasaktan ka na kapag nakikita siyang may kasamang iba?"

I took a long puff before replying to Lincoln. "Hindi mo kasi naiintindiha—"

Iritableng pinutol nito ang sinasabi ko. "Sabog ka ba? Hindi ko maintindihan? Hindi ko pa talaga maintindihan sa lagay na ito? Does it not register in you, even in the slightest chance, kung bakit nandito pa rin ako?"

"Mahal mo ako," deretsahang pahayag ko. "Mahal ko si Rafael. Mahal mo ako. Sino'ng nagmamahal sa 'yo?"

"Wow," Lincoln scoffed. "ang sakit, ah?"

"Gusto mo pang saktan kita, Lincoln? Hindi kita kayang mahalin. Hindi kita mamahalin. At lalong hindi kita matututunang mahalin kahit pilitin ko pa ang sarili ko. 'Wag ka nang umasang magugustuhan din kita."

"Putang ina!" bulyaw ni Lincoln.

"Yeah, Lincoln. Kaya kong pumulot ng isang lalaki mula sa squatter's area para i-groom at gawing isang private investigator. Someone handsomer, sexier, more intelligent. Ayoko ng masyadong emotionally-invested sa akin. Like, wala naman kasing may sabing ma-in love sa 'kin, hindi man lang pinigilan ang sarili." Then I had another long puff.

Lincoln grinned crazily. "Ah, I know what you're doing. Akala mo makukuha mo ako sa reverse psychology? Akala mo, when you push me away, I'll leave?" Lincoln moved closer, as if he was about to dominate me. "Ngayon mo pa talaga ginawa 'yan? Ngayong marami nang nangyari sa atin?"

I chuckled. He got me. "Lincoln, please. Ayoko nang umasa ka sa akin. It would be better if you find another woman who is deserving of your love. 'Wag na ako. Hindi ako karapat-dapat sa pag-ibig mo."

Humalakhak nang malakas si Lincoln. "Sabi ko na, eh. Dinadramahan mo lang ako! I'm hurt, actually, pero something in me tells that it's not real. Lolli, matagal na tayong magkakilala. Alam ko na ang likaw ng bituka mo. Dapat ako ang asawa mo, eh."

Naubos ko na ang isang stick ng sigarilyo ko. I lit another one because God knows when Lincoln will stop being so goddamn crazy about me. "Eh, kami nga ni Rafael ang ikinasal. Ayaw kasi ng daddy ko sa 'yo."

"False. Gusto ako ng Mommy at Daddy mo. You know how fanatic they are with success stories. Gusto nila ang pagsusumikap ko na makatapos ng pag-aaral, unlike their daughter who always has everything but is still seeking for something more."

"Yeah, Rafael is something more," sabi ko.

"Sus, sigurado akong mas malaki ang burat ko sa kupal na 'yon!" he proclaimed.

Napailing na lang ako. Here he goes again with the dick competition. I never told him but he actually won in that aspect.

"It's not about that. Anyway, puwede bang umalis ka na? Thanks for the tip on Carnation. Bawi na lang ako next time."

"I wanna be with you. Bawal ba? Kahit walang sex. Although, mas okay kung may sex. Tsaka kung mahal mo ako," he jokingly uttered.

"Leave," utos ko.

"Nope," giit nito.

Napabuga na lang ako. "You know what, Lincoln... Just a thought. Kung pagbibigyan ba kitang mahalin ako, hindi mo ako sasaktan?"

"Aba, oo naman!" agad na sagot niya na surprisingly, I even heard a tone of Robin Padilla on it. "Since college, prinoprotektahan na kita. Tingin mo, magagawa ko 'yon sa 'yo? Nevah!"

Although it pains me to do this, but I threw half of the cigarette stick on my hand. I walked closer to Lincoln and slowly brushed my lips on his. Soft and supple, his lips are. He then accepted my kisses and rebounded with a harder smooch. He even held both my jaws, to make it more romantic. No tongue, just mouths.

"I love you," I whispered.

Lincoln was about to brush his lips on mine, but he chuckled. He let go of my face and started giggling.

"Bakit?" I wondered.

"Gusto mo bang sabihin ko 'yong line ni John Lloyd Cruz sa 'The Mistress'?"

"I can barely remember the movie," sabi ko.

He smiled and delivered the line subtly. "You tell me you love me, in the same breath, you tell me you care for another man."

Nalaglag ang panga ko. "Sinabi ni John Lloyd 'yon?"

Lincoln just flashed a faint smile. "I think I need to go."

"Wait, bakit?"

He can't even make a straight face. He was deeply hurt and his expression demonstrated it. "Come on, Lolli. I've been waiting for this long to hear that from you. Pero parang hindi pala 'yon ang ine-expect kong mararamdaman ko. It sounded... untrue. Awkward. Insincere."

"So, hindi mo na ako mahal?"

Umiling lang si Lincoln at ngumiti. "I, ah... I can't think properly right now. Let's just call it a day. By the way, may ie-email ako sa 'yo mamaya." Then, he walked away.

I guess, of all the things I've said, that was the most hurtful. But I gotta do what I gotta do. Ayoko na ring umaasa siya sa akin.

I know I should not be doing this dahil nakakawala ng urbanidad, pero pinulot ko ang natirang yosi at sinindihan iyon. Sayang, eh. Upon having a puff, my phone rang. Sinagot ko agad iyon. It was from an unknown caller.

"Hello?"

"Lolita Silvestre?"

"Who's this?"

"Huwag kang aalis sa kinatatayuan mo. May dalawang lalaking lalapit sa 'yo. Pagdating nila, sumakay ka sa back seat at ang isa sa kanila ang magmamaneho. 'Wag kang magpapahalatang may kung anong nangyayari."

Biglang kumabog ang dibdib ko nang malakas. I puffed my cigarette so long that I almost reach the bud. Who is this guy?

Butil-butil ang pawis ko habang nakatitig ako sa dalawang lalaking papalapit sa akin. I followed the instructions of the caller and God knows what happens next.