Toxic Love!

Chapter 5

(B/n)'s eyes widen in surprise when you actually speak to him. Sure, it's nothing nice, but he'll take what he can get. Quickly catching himself, he shakes his head, "no, (y/n). Tell me what the fuck is wrong for you to go so cold on me!" You shake your head, "I shouldn't have to tell you anything. It's really fucking obvious what you've done wrong! Now stay the fuck away from me!" (B/n) seems surprised about just how genuinely mad you are at him. He hesitates for a couple of seconds, but then he lets you go. He watches you walk away, a frown forming on his face.

You hear people mumble about you and (b/n) for the rest of the day. Some have even asked what he did, but you never tell them, you don't think you could handle the added gossip and the varying stares of pity and smugness from everyone.
When you get home, you plop down on the couch. You feel ready to burst into tears. The day's events have brought forward the memories of kissing (b/n). Something you wish you could forget so you didn't have to live with this constant pain in your chest. You start to cry, curling into a ball with a pillow over your head to muffle the sound. You end up crying yourself to sleep.

When (b/n) gets home, he sees you asleep, cheeks streaked with tears and holding on to the pillow for dear life. He'd convinced himself that you kissing him, only happened because you were drunk, so when you spoke to him the next morning, he was too angry and upset to answer. He couldn't even look at you, cause all he would see would be those soft lips he wanted so badly, and he couldn't have them. When you had gone cold on him, he'd been so confused. It isn't until today that everything finally clicked. You had kissed him because you wanted him, not because of the alcohol. He'd kept you safe and tucked you into bed, only to ignore you the next morning. Now he could see why you've been mad. Seeing the tears on your cheeks sends a pang of guilt through him. He caused them. He made you cry... and worst of all? He made you quiet. Something he never wanted you to be.
With a shaky sigh, he carefully picks you up and carry you to your bed. He's very careful not to wake you up. When he's tucked you in, he goes to his room and starts making plans. He needs to apologise, and the words alone are just not gonna be enough.

You wake up just before dinner, hearing quiet music playing from the kitchen... and then you remember that you didn't go to your room... which means (b/n) carried you here. You can't really figure out what to do with that knowledge, so you just rub your eyes, get up and make your way to the kitchen... and there you find (b/n) deep in pots and pans, apron on and hair messy. He's cooking? Since when can he cook?! When (b/n) sees you, a blush rises in his cheeks, "I'm sorry if I woke you up. I'm making spaghetti bolognese for you, it should be done in 10 minutes." All you can do is stare at him... he's cooking for you.

You've never seen (b/n) so shy about anything, and the fact that he's cooking, just for you, is melting the ice around your heart just a bit. "I know you're probably not quite ready to talk to me yet, but I would like it if you would just listen to what I have to say? To explain what's happened?" (B/n) looks at you with hope in his eyes. Since he's going out of his way to... apologise?... you let him talk.

With a nod, he starts, "that night at the party... that was one of the best kisses I've ever had... and it terrified me. It felt perfect... and nothing in this world is ever perfect, I know that better than most, so as soon as I'd gotten you tucked into bed, I started thinking about the whole night." He sighs shakily and continues, "I ended up convincing myself that you only kissed me, only tolerated me, because you were drunk. That thought built up, adding more and more to it. You'd been drunk, you'd broken up with your boyfriend, leaving you emotionally vulnerable. I'd been selfish, thinking I wanted more and just went for it... and I shouldn't have. I took advantage of you, and I hate myself for it." He's tearing up and he looks away to hide it, but you've already seen it. You don't say anything, letting him continue and take his time.
Swallowing, he looks up at you again, "the next morning I couldn't look at you because of how mad I was at myself. When you spoke in that raspy morning voice you have, so sweet and calm like you had no memory of what had happened, staying quiet was all I could do. I don't know what would have happened if I'd said anything, but it wouldn't have been great... not that it ended up great anyway." With a shake of his head and a deep breath, he continues yet again, "it wasn't until yesterday that I realised what my silence could have meant to you. I was so sure you were mad at me for kissing you when you were vulnerable... I didn't think my silence is what hurt you. Thinking back on it, I should of course have figured that out pretty quickly, but I'm an idiot when it comes to feelings..." With a sigh, he locks his eyes on yours, "I am genuinely so so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry I'm a complete idiot, and I'm sorry I hurt you enough to go quiet. The one thing I never want you to be, and I did it to you... I'm sorry."

You tear up a bit. The apology and honesty in (b/n)'s voice getting to you. He's laid everything out for you, and you realise you play a big part in how bad things have gotten. If you had just talked to him the first time he tried to understand you, you wouldn't be in this mess. With a shaky sigh, you decide you should be honest with him... it can't make him mad right? Looking at him again, you start explaining, "I have something I have to tell you... (bff/n) and I were never dating... he's actually gay." (B/n) look really confused, but he lets you speak, "ever since that morning where you touched my thighs, you started creeping into my head more and more often... and especially at night." You're blushing bright red but keep going, "I told (bff/n) about what was happening, about the time you decided to join me in the shower. I couldn't get you out of my head and it was extremely frustrating. (Bff/n) said there's no way you were unaffected by me, but he thought I should get back at you, plant myself in your head..." (b/n) snorts, a smile on his face as he shakes his head, "if you knew how many old, saggy balls I was thinking about..."
You smile, happy to see (b/n) with a smile on his face again, and you continue explaining, "well it worked, cause I had no idea anything was going on in your head. Anyway, we came up with a plan. First the whole couple thing. (Bff/n) thought that seeing me in an actual relationship might make you jealous. Then I had to start wearing more revealing clothes, showing off my body to you... and then I didn't get any further, cause I realised I actually like you, and seeing you kissing some girl's neck at the party made me jealous... and you know everything else."

(B/n) is watching you, a smirk spreading on his lips, "so you like me, huh? You could have just said so!" Dropping everything in his hands, he walks around the island to you and kisses you softly. As soon as (b/n)'s lips touch yours, relief washes over you. He likes you. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you kiss him too, tilting your head back since he's quite a bit taller than you.
When (b/n) pulls back, smiling and biting his lip as he rests his forehead against yours, you feel happy tears trail down your cheeks. You start laughing and kissing him again.