Until There Was You

The ending

I stared at him, his piercing blue eyes radiating genuine concern. He was crouched down in front of me, his hand leaving an invisible imprint from the searing heat on my arm as he steadied me. He gave his blonde locks a toss.
Good God.
"Here, let me help you up."
Had I not already been flat on my ass my knees would have failed me right then. He offered his other hand and I took it without hesitation. The laughter that once engulfed me started to dissipate but I wasn't sure if it was because I was lost in the endlessness of his eyes or because everyone else had been stunned into silence.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed, my focus shifting to the throbbing in my right arm.
My elbow oozed blood from an open gash and had doubled in size.
"Damn. You did some damage. You should probably have the nurse take a look at that," he said, taking my right hand in his and more carefully inspecting my arm. It felt soft in my much smaller, calloused hand and I couldn't help but wonder if he was put off by its roughness.
"Uh, yeah probably," I stammered.
I watched as he gently caressed my arm with his thumb, careful not to touch the wound but enough to dull some of the ache. I couldn't help the butterflies frantically trying to escape their cage.
Please don't let go.
"You gonna be ok?"
"Yeah, I think so."
That was all I could think to say.
Finally letting go, he smiled at me again tucking his hands in to his pockets, the coldness instantly suffocating the blanket of the warmth they had provided.
"Ok, good. I'll see you around okay?"

I watched as he walked out of the lunchroom just as stunned as everyone else. If he only knew that for a split second as he held my hand in his, I thought maybe I could stick around for a while longer. The butterflies. The racing heart. The feeling of being the only girl in the room wrapped in the safety and comfort of someone else's gaze like you were the only thing tethering them to this earth. These were the feeling I had longed for. This must be how Molly Ringwald felt in that epic scene at the end of Sixteen Candles. An ember of hope sparked in my chest. Even if it wasn't with Cam; with someone. It took one glance at Janey for that tiny ember of hope to be snuffed out like rain on an open flame. She glared at me from across the room, her rage palatable. I might have reveled in her jealousy if just for a second. But neither her anger nor her jealousy mattered. I wasn't going to be around much longer for her to unleash her fury anyways.

I rode the bus home in silence. There was no one on the bus I wanted to talk to anyways. How was I going to explain my arm to my mom? I had a volleyball game that night too. I'll just tell her I fell during pickleball in PE. That should suffice. I kept playing my moment with Cam over and over again in my head. The way his eyes looked into mine. The way he tossed his hair away from his face so you could see his impeccably perfect jaw-line. The feel of his hand in mine. And the sweetness of his voice when he spoke. I couldn't suppress the sigh the escaped my throat. The bus screeched to a hault in front of my house. As I walked up the driveway I dreaded the everyday question my mom would ask us when we got home from school,
"How was your day?"
It's not like I expected her to ask me anything else but I really didn't want her to ask me today. I knew I would come apart. I had been holding it in since I got that note and it was eating away at my insides.
Damn-it! Where is that stupid note?
I stopped when I got to the garage and rummaged through my backpack. There it was. I had shoved it in between two of my notebooks at the very bottom. As I began to pull it out of my bag to throw in the garbage so my mom wouldn't see it, the door to the kitchen opened.
"Hey honey," she said enthusiastically drying off a drinking glass with her dish towel. I frantically crumbled the note in my hand and hid it behind my back.
"How was your day?"
"Fine," I lied.
"What's that?" she said motioning to the shattered world I now hid tightly behind me. "And what happened to your elbow!" Her enthusiasm had now taken a sharp left to vexation.
"It's nothing," I said as I flung my backpack over my should, shoving the note in the trash can. I made my way up the steps and passed her as quickly as possible.
"Mara!" she called after me.
But I didn't stop. Tears flooded my eyes as my whole body ignited with indignation. My heart pounded in my ears like a stampede of wild beasts and my breathes grew quicker and more shallow. Here it comes.
I ran down the hall to my room, threw my book bag on my bed, and slammed the door behind me, locking it as I slid down to my floor. I placed my head between my knees and sobbed, the tears cascading in endless waves down my face. I could barely catch my breath as my shoulders heaved up and down with the weight of my emotions.