Night Lights and Dark Places

Chapter Nine - Unsaid

She was quiet when she got off her bus, but when they were a comfortable distance away from the stop, she stopped suddenly and let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. Already grinning, he regarded her with a raised brow. Despite having not said much beyond a greeting, her joy was immediately infectious.

"You've reached midterm?" He asked, and she nodded, beaming.

"I'm free! Completely free!" Tolly exclaimed gleefully, throwing her hands out. "Oh my God, it felt like this day would never come."

"I suppose it's safe to assume that your exams went well." She whistled sharply in response, making him cringe.

"I have kicked many asses, but never any as hard as my midterms. Four-point-oh, baby!"

James laughed and waited for her to proceed before following. It was becoming colder and the pavement was dusted with fallen leaves. She briefly expressed disappointment that the air was too moist for the leaves to crunch under her feet, then looked up at him.

"Campus is gonna be closed for the rest of the week, which means no work, either. What am I gonna do with myself?" She wondered aloud, kicking at a pile of wet foliage. "And it's Thanksgiving, so everything else is closed, too. Ugh."

It didn't take long for him to put the pieces together. "I suppose my services are on hold as well? Seeing as you'll not be making your daily commute." It sounded more pathetic than he'd hoped, and her lack of immediate response further bolstered his embarrassment.

"We could hang out. I mean, I'd like that." She muttered, shrugging. "It's been how many months and I don't think we've spent more than an hour and a half together."

"That bothers you?"

Tolly scoffed. "Of course it does, you're my friend and I like you."

Would he ever tire of hearing that? It was unlikely. He fought a smile and cleared his throat. "Did you have anything in particular that you wanted to do?"

"Not really," she admitted. "Worst case scenario, I pop by your place and we walk back to mine like nothing's different."

"My place?"

"Yeah, you said you live near my stop. So it'd just be the same route and everything." Tolly paused and licked her lips, her expression suddenly souring. "Where are you staying, anyway?"

And so began the conversation he'd dreaded having. He did not answer her. They both were quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time until she stopped dead in her tracks, grabbed his sleeve, eyebrows knit.

"Where are you staying, Jamie?" She repeated firmly, to which he still did not respond, only stood there awkwardly avoiding her gaze.

"Near your bus stop." He managed.

"Oh my God, I am so done playing this fucking game with you!" Though she hadn't raised her voice much, he winced at the inflection. "Jamie, are you homeless?"

"Does... does a home have to be an enclosed space?" He asked tentatively. The face she made was incomprehensible. "Because sometimes I have the bin lid propped overhead when it rains."

Tolly blanched. "Have you been homeless this whole time?"

"Since the day we met, yes."

"And you didn't even tell me?!" Oh, God, she sounded furious. He expected her to sever their friendship then and there. Maybe he deserved it. "Jesus fucking Christ, Jamie!"

"Isn't being homeless a taboo? I thought you'd be angry, which you are, I'm sorry." His throat burned, chest hurt. She was still gripping his sleeve with white knuckles. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't want you to know."

"I'm not angry! I'm..." She floundered for words, licked her lips. "I'm sad. You should've said something. I wouldn't have..."

Her hand fell away and her gaze followed. He forced a smile. "There's nothing to be sad about. I don't care where I live as long as I get to see you everyday."

Tolly stared intensely up at his face, her lips pulled into a tight grimace. It almost looked like she was about to cry, but then she hardened her expression just enough to disguise whatever she may have been thinking. He clenched and unclenched his hands nervously, praying that the conversation would be dropped. Finally, she shook her head indignantly and narrowed her eyes. Again, he tensed, expecting the worst.

"You should stay at my place for a little while."

The suggestion took him completely by surprise and he nearly choked. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm afraid I must decline. I don't wish to impose."

"Guess we're at an impasse, then, 'cause like hell I'll be able to sleep at night knowing you're out on the street in fucking November."

"You'll manage."

"I refuse."

"Tolly, don't be difficult."

"Fuck you, I'm gonna be as difficult as I want, I just found out my best friend lives behind a dumpster!"

Best friend? That was new. The slip-up went unacknowledged. "I don't understand why you're upset."

"Because you're nice and I like you and you don't deserve to be sleeping out in the cold." She sounded genuinely sad, almost mournful. "It doesn't have to be forever. You could look for your own place too, even, I just... don't want you back on the street. Okay?"

"I..." James swallowed his apprehension and studied her face. The warmth of her voice, the sincerity of her expression, and a hopeful little smile tugging at her lips broke him down far too easily. "Alright. If it would make you feel better."

Tolly sighed and smiled, reached up again to pet his forearm apologetically. "Yeah, it would. Sorry for yelling. I'm allowed to bully you if it means you'll take care of yourself as a result."

She turned on her heel and trotted off along the sidewalk, and he followed after her. It was likely, he assumed, that's how it would always be.