Salvation | Severus Snape

Chapter 12 - Remembering

It was time to go back to his home in Cokeworth. Severus walked along the cold, deserted street, glancing at the worn brick houses he passed by — many were long abandoned, and his house was one of the exceptions. Broken streetlamps lined the dirty streets, which grew worse every year with dust and garbage spilt all over the sides.

When he entered his home, he was hit with the smell of dust. Some would say the first room felt like a prison cell, and Severus wasn't sure he could deny it. At times, he felt like a prisoner in his own home — the only solace being the bookshelves lined with novels he read from time to time, along with the large study he'd turned into a room for brewing potions. This had been his house since he was a child, yet it still seemed so foreign and lifeless, like he would never understand its importance or appeal.

He supposed it was the dreadful memories of his parents arguing and his father storming up and down the house, rummaging to dispose of any magical items his mother brought in. Apart from eerie silences and disrupted meals, that was really all Severus could recall about this place, since he preferred to spend his time in the neighbourhood, especially the local park. His parents had never paid much attention to him anyway, except when his mother would send him off to Hogwarts with one of those rare smiles, give him a late present for his birthday or try to reassure him that his father only acted out of his best interests for them. While he never believed her, Severus didn't blame her either, wondering what the man had been like before he married Eileen and found out about the Wizarding World. Probably much better, considering he was able to marry someone of the Prince family.

He hated the way Tobias Snape controlled his thoughts. He hated how vulnerable and helpless he felt when he could curse and throw objects at him. He hated the smell of rum lingering around, especially outside his father's room. Whether it was real or all in his head he didn't know, but it angered him so much he would at times smash his fist against the wall. As a teenager, Severus had wished he was strong and brave, with the ability to fight for himself without anyone else's help. So much that when someone had finally accepted him for who he was, cared for him and tried to defend him... 'Mudblood,' he'd called her. Why? Why couldn't he ever do something right for once?

There it was again, the image of his Muggle father twisting his mind. The man who'd tainted his views of the non-magical world, loathing every inch of it. Occasionally, the fights between Eileen and Tobias would move to the streets outside their home, and what did the Muggle neighbours do when they saw the woman being hit by her husband? Absolutely nothing. Bastards, they all were... until he met Lily. Yet, he'd let the remnants of his past ruin it with her too. It was only when he changed allegiances that he truly had a chance to appreciate the existence of Muggles.

It was always disturbing to go through the house every summer, as if it were a new place. As much as he hated being here and remembering these awful things, Severus couldn't imagine selling or leaving this place either. He couldn't help but feel as if he hadn't experienced it to the full extent... it sounded ridiculous, but there was an emptiness gnawing at him every time, urging him to search for answers. Answers to what exactly, he had no idea, but he just couldn't let go of it. Don't turn into a dunderhead, he chided with himself, This is just a poor, shabby home. You're foolish to stay here.

But when he crept up the narrow staircase and turned the corner, he remembered the room he never dared to enter: his mother's room. After her endless years of sorrow, Severus was informed in his seventh year that Eileen Prince was dead. They didn't tell him the exact cause, but he had a feeling she'd had enough and finally decided to escape from the world of living. Since then, he was afraid to enter that room. A part of him blamed himself for her misery, thinking this wouldn't happen if he wasn't born and Tobias hadn't found out that they were magical. She could've still been happy if it weren't for him. "You're always causing problems!" his father's voice echoed in his head.