Bloodsport

chapter 23

Harry left the house and met Zayn on the lawn outside. It was fairly late, and the December cold instantly bit at his cheeks. He found his beanie in the pocket of his winter jacket, a black puffer that squeezed around the dark blue hoodie beneath it. He crammed the hat down over his ears, and let Zayn lead him to the backyard. Behind the house was an old swing set. It didn’t look like it had been touched in years, and there was a layer of frozen ice on the seats of the swings. They sat down on one each after brushing off the ice, the cold seeping in through their jeans and down their thighs. Zayn lit the joint, and blew crystallized smoke into the air.

“What I don’t get is how,” he said after a while, and Harry stared grimly at the ground. “What changed to make you want him. I mean, of all the nice guys out there.”

Harry didn’t fucking know that. If he had known, he wouldn’t have felt so torn up about it.

“I didn’t even know he was gay,” muttered Zayn.

“You can’t tell anyone that.”

“Of course not,” he snapped. “But why are you so bloody adamant to protect him? I don’t get it.”

“It’s just…” Harry said, breathing in the icy air. “Sometimes… he just gets it. What I need. I know he’s a freaking idiot most days, but then there are those moments where he makes me feel like —”

Fuck.

Zayn’s voice was quiet. “Feel like what?”

“Like…” He squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t go on. He didn’t want to explore what could come out of his mouth if he let his mind continue down that path.

They were silent for another few moments. The cold spread down to Harry’s calves. Zayn continued to smoke, and Harry nearly finished his fourth beer of the night. He glanced over at his friend, who looked back at him with a frown.

“I don’t like it,” said Zayn gravelly. “I think he is mean, and weird. I don’t want you to be together with someone who doesn’t care about you.”

“We’re not together, though.”

“Whatever that means! No matter what, sex puts you in a vulnerable place. Being that close to someone isn’t without risks. You must know that.”

Harry glared at the ground. He didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t want to feel what he felt when Zayn spoke those words.

“Do you have feelings for him?” asked Zayn. He didn’t seem like he wanted to know the answer unless it was negative.

Harry’s bottom lip quivered. “No…,” he whispered.

God, why? He wanted to scream. He didn’t want to feel that way! Zayn was right about all of the things he had said that day, and yet all Harry could think about were the short moments where Louis was still and quiet, and gentle. It was pathetic!

“Whatever you do, Harry,” said Zayn, “I will support you. I just don’t want to see you get your heart broken.”

“It won’t get to that.”

He wasn’t even certain of what he felt. All he knew was that he’d never felt in any way like this before in his life. Jasmine had never made him feel anything, and still, he’d thought he loved her. Who was to say he wasn’t completely wrong once again? He felt the anxiety transmit through his whole body. Why had everything suddenly come to this?

“I love you, mate. Just promise me one thing.”

“Okay?”

“Do not let him take advantage of you. Do not let him, or any other guy for that matter, fuck with you. If you like him, then you deserve better than being used.”