Bloodsport

chapter 31

Zayn knew everything that Harry had been through. He was supportive, and nearly always there when Harry needed him. However, Louis Tomlinson was the one who had truly comforted him. Through those last months of pain and exhaustion from everything that kept happening in his life, Louis had been the one person whom he didn’t need to feel that pain with. Sure, Louis was offensive and unkind frequently, but the true and honest pain that Harry most days felt had never come from him.

Right then, standing in the classroom, it did. It was an honest and solid ache that was spreading throughout him. Harry had been warned that being with Louis could be a mistake. He had felt a twang of hurt when he’d randomly turned on him a few days before, but it was nothing in comparison to this. That was silly. Old school archenemy stuff that Harry had used to be able to brush off with ease. This was more. It was… It felt real. It felt like Louis meant the words. Like he was speaking clear and pure truth. Harry just hadn’t expected that Louis’ honesty would hurt so badly.

His hand fell off Louis’ waist. His skin felt frozen. Louis looked up from beneath his fringe, his mouth open as if to say something more. Go ahead, Harry wanted to say. Say it again. Louis’ mouth closed. Harry’s arms wrapped around his own stomach, needing them to keep his body from falling into irreparable pieces. His voice was something he couldn’t recognise when he finally spoke.

“Train wreck?” he repeated. That Sunday when Harry had escaped his own house, Louis had been the one to care for him, in the only way he could. Louis had seen that vulnerability in Harry. He must have known that life wasn’t so easy for him. He must have noticed, in some way. Still, he stood there, standing by his words. “Well,” Harry whispered, forcing his voice not to break. “I guess you know me best to know that, don’t you?”

He grabbed his things and strode out of the room. His throat was closing. His chest was aching. Inhale, exhale. It wasn’t working. He couldn’t breathe. He felt nauseous. He walked swiftly to the car, where he sat down and shut the door. He wanted to drive off, but didn’t know where to go. Without Louis’ house, he didn’t have many places that felt inviting. As he sat there, he felt like his chest was shrinking. His breathing hitched, and he covered his face with his hands.

Did Louis think that Harry was made of stone? He wasn’t. His body resembled a house of cards at best.

Train wreck.

It was the truth. Harry agreed. Everything he had done the past school year felt like a mess of emotional decisions that he would always come to regret. His life was a mess, complete and utter wreckage. Yet it chewed on, like a train that didn’t know how to stop. Eventually, there would be bloodshed.

Harry had never wanted things to end up like this. He had never wanted to share his sexuality in that way, and he had never wanted to hurt Louis. Even after everything that Louis had done and said, hurting Louis was the last thing he’d ever wanted. Not Louis, who had turned into one of the most weirdly consoling individuals in his life.

Harry’s fingers squeezed around his hair, pulling in frustration. He wanted to scream. Despite the fact that Louis’ words were tearing him open, and no matter how much Louis could hurt him — and how effortlessly he could do it — Harry couldn’t pretend that he wouldn’t go back to him. Harry needed him. He recognised that, but he didn’t want it to be that way. Especially not now, when Louis had shown him exactly where they stood in this relationship.

Zayn had been right. It was a mistake. That day before school started again, when Harry crawled into Louis’ bed and let Louis make the choice for him, Harry had made a mistake. Having sex with Louis had made him blind to the callous side in him. The one who did things and said things, not caring who or how much they would hurt.