Speak Out

A phone call away

Felin swept the floor till it shone bright. Evening and day passed, it was the first day. He took the same pail of water, the same bucket with the same detergent and swept the furniture. Evening and day passed, it was the second day. After opening a new packet of new detergent, he set to conquer the bathroom with sweeping. Before evening and day passed to make it the hundred and tenth day, just barely, a call rang.

The call he had never thought would ever arrive.

With trepid anticipation, his shaking hands took the receiver device and held it to his ears. The silence of his room made the call ringtone even shriller.

"I need you." The well familiar voice of Levie cracked threatening to erupt with the sobs he never wanted to hear. He hated making his love sad at all costs.

It wasn't a rocket science. This was a recurring loop of no ends or beginnings where they crack the fissures open and try to glue them up and with the smallest barest amount of tremor it breaks, and they patch up yet again. He wanted to stop the chain. He wanted to get the waves to rest forever. But how could he possibly say all this 'depressing' talk to his loved one who is suicidal as well? How could he leave the other half of him? Isn't that like not taking care of himself?

"Me too, believe me please. I just can't—" he cut the call before he could let him hears his hiccups and howls; groans and "I hate myself's".

"I need you too Levie, I soo sooo do, I miss you so much that I started hating the word because just a mention of it brings me pain.
Misery. Unfairness of love.
We love each other but why, why is it never enough for us to work out? Why did you make me enter into this bittersweet world? Wasn't I happier with nothingness?

This craving for more – it shattered me I hate it! I hate the baggage that our love brings along!
But I love you for Pete's sake! I want to be there for you! I want to share things in your world too!
I need you more than you need me but you keep abandoning me for yourself and this hurts even if I get a temporary injection of high-ness from your weed, it hurts! I just can't anymore. . ."

Felin he kept his finger on the end button as he talked—he had to talk, he had been bottling up for so long, but he can't allow Levie to hear cause Levie is the person who would go back to amplifying Levie's own pain while not acknowledging Felin's .

"I hear you. . . I'm sorry Felie " Levie's voice struck like a lightning but softly. But how is that possible? Didn't Felin cut the call?

Levie continued,  "I won't abandon you anymore I'll go to therapy or counseling or anything with you. . . Just please subtract me away"

"I'll add you back Levie slowly though cause I'm so done with your instability"
It took a moment for Felin to realize, Levie was standing next to him!

 "How did you come in? When? How? I- . . ."
Before Felin could complete, he found himself in the cosy warm cocoon of Levie's blanket .

Levie's arms wrapped around his sides tight.  "I haven't earned the right to hug you, I'm just a lucky guy cause you haven't kicked me out yet."

Taking in the scent of Levie's blanket, camphor and mint, Felin savoured the moment. "I appreciate this moment that you brought by well and yes i agree to the counselling plans. We used to be too proud for that once didn't we?"

A lone cricket hopped onto their sofa, watching the two  humans take strides slower than a snail. 

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