Fixation (Jeff the Killer x F.Reader)

002

Jeff's POV

October 21st

She's so pretty when she's frustrated.

Yeah, but her annoying fucking roommate just had to ruin the view.

I kick at the ground, mud-slinging onto my boot. I reach into my pocket for my cigarettes and lighter.

"Where the fuck is my lighter!"

If I don't smoke right now I'm going to ruin everything. I have to be patient, I have to be careful. It's not time yet.

I open the pack and pull a cigarette out with my teeth. I frantically pat down my jeans for any sign of the lighter before I remember it's in my hoodie.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"

I'm getting really pissed off not being able to know what they're talking about. It's not like I can't just follow them, and it's not like I don't know her class schedule or the places she likes to frequent. I'm not crazy, I didn't find this out all by myself. I had Ben hack into the college's security system. I swear I'm not crazy and I'm not trying to hurt her. I just want her to notice me again. I want her to be mine.

She has to be mine. SHE HAS TO BE. The way she looked at me that day... it was like the heavens themselves dropped her into my life just for me, and ONLY me. She's so fucking beautiful, it really fucking pisses me off. But she... the way she looked at me that day... FUCK! I WANT HER SO BADLY! I JUST-

Come on Jeff, you fucking idiot, just calm down.

I pull myself away from my thoughts when I notice she's no longer in her room. Where the fuck did she go?

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I search half the surrounding area for her before giving up. It's still raining, and it's fucking cold, and I need to take a piss.

I break out into a quick jog toward the public restroom nearby.

Okay good, no one is in here. It's fine, it's fine, just dry off and get your shit together.

I pull my hoodie off and wring the water out over the sink. I look in the mirror and get pissed off again. I can't stand the way I look, I can't stand the way people look at me.

I mean you're a monster, and you've committed a lot of crimes.

Yeah well, no one knows that, they just think I'm some burn victim when they look at me. They look at me with pity or disgust. I hate people, but not her. I don't hate her, I love her.

Are you even capable of love?  You don't even know her, how could you possibly love her? Are you sure you're not just some sick fuck stalking some chick who is way the fuck out of your league? What do you plan on doing when you do get to meet her again? You're just obsessed with her because she's the only person who hasn't looked at you like you're some monster like she wasn't disgusted or scared of you. And now you're acting like a fucking simp?

I'm just trying to find the right time to talk to her. I don't even know if she remembers me. But I want her to be mine, and I'll do anything to make that happen. I don't care about the consequences.

I blink twice realizing I've zoned out again. My hair clings to my face, it feels gross. I feel gross. I look gross. I'm in desperate need of a haircut and a change of clothes. I can't fucking think straight with cold, soggy clothes clinging to me like a second skin.

I look like I've been strung out for days on coke. I wouldn't look so fucking ugly if I didn't have these scars on my fucking face. A Glasgow smile, that's what they call the faded scars that travel from the corners of my mouth and below my cheekbones. The fact that I'm so fucking pale doesn't help either. My blue eyes just seem to draw attention to the light scars around them. I'm a fucking freak.

I want to punch this mirror so fucking badly.

Then do it, who's going to stop you? I mean look at you.

Would you just shut the fuck up! I have to go find her, I don't have time for this shit.

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It's almost 1 am now, and I'm out here wandering the streets and it's fucking cold. I'll find her at some point, I have to, just to see that she's okay. It's not safe this late at night, weird fucking people lurk around in the shadows. What if someone tries to hurt her and I'm not here to save her?

Oh? Are you going to play the hero now? Do you want her to be your pretty little damsel in distress?

I groan and wipe my hand down my face as I continue walking. I can't go back to the mansion and sleep until I know she's okay, that she's still alive. That I still have a chance with her. I'm kind of on a time limit though considering Ben will most likely get so stoned he won't be able to open a fucking portal for me.

I finally see her, and her annoying fucking roommate stumble out of a nearby bar. I'm relieved but pissed at the same time. She looks drunk and so pretty, and her giggles are like a dagger to my fucking heart. I want to run up to her so badly and just pull her into my arms. I want to know if she remembers me or not, if she remembers my touch, remembers that night.

But I can't do that, I just need to keep walking. This isn't the right time. 

I'm pulled out of my thoughts again when something warm and soft hits my shoulder.

It's her. It's really her. She's touching me.

"I-I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine."

I reach my arm out to help steady her. God she smells so fucking good, she feels so soft. I clear my throat and turn away from her. She's probably grossed out, I should give her some space.

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"It's fine." "It's fine." "It's fine."