paradox | mischa bachinski x female reader

one last time

 (a/n: okay, this will be one of the few notes at the top of a chapter in this book but before you read, if you didn't see, i edited the two chapters before this, just a bit and towards the end. you don't have to go back and read it but i kind of just wanted to let you know because it might make more sense when you read this chapter. it'll just flow better is all. don't blame me if this whole new character trait seems out of the blue.)

...

    the weeks leading up to competition were hard. not necessarily the actual chorus part of it, but being in the same room, less than five feet between you and he-who-must-not-be-named, was safe to say, mentally taxing. you despised him, loathing at how he could be so nonchalant. of course, that's how you were acting as well, but you had a right to be. he should be fighting for your love right now.

     the trip to kiwanis was long, and so, so boring. you listened to music the whole time, or actually tried to be productive and read for like an hour. you had also brought your laptop with you, to watch movies. you were currently streaming love actually, a film you had adored the day you first watched it. although there were two months left before it was actually the appropriate time to watch the movie, seeing people in love was so comforting to you. ironic, since you had recently had a mental breakdown about how love was killing you inside. maybe you could pull a mark, a character in love actually, and stand outside mischa's door with cue cards, declaring your love to him.

     your head hurt like crazy, and you looked like crap, too. you had to wake up at four in the morning to catch the bus. being away from home was going to do a whole other number on you too, even if only for three days. you always got homesick when being away from your family for too long. you weren't doing your best, but you were willing to put your issues aside for the sake of the choir. screw cue cards, screw love! maybe you were just bipolar, but you weren't going to let mischa think you were bothered by him. aside from the fact that you were going to avoid him at all costs. petty, yes. practical, no. you sat alone on the bus, as there were only seven total people on the bus with you. everyone could have their own seat, but of course, ocean chose to sit across from you, with ocean right in front of her. out of all the twenty rows on the bus, they chose to sit in the two right across from you. perfect.

     after about ten hours of driving, you had finally managed to reach the motel. it wasn't rundown or nasty by any means, just austere. the walls were a dark terracotta color, and the color paired with it was a slimy colored green. you stretched as soon as you got off the bus, happy to finally have fresh air that didn't smell like stale fast food. 

     you grabbed your bags and followed father marcus to the lobby of the motel. it was plainly decorated, the walls were adorned with blurry pictures of many different people. a minute passed, and you got the key to your room. constance, ocean, and you were rooming together, ricky, mischa, and noel were sharing a room, and father marcus had a room to himself. you were all rooming on the second floor, taking the stairs instead of the shifty elevator. ocean unlocked the door to the motel room, and the three of you stepped in. the air conditioner was running, causing a breeze to hit you as you walked in, it was also quite loud. there were two queen sized beds, and you assumed ocean and constance would be sharing one as they were closer. you put your bad down in front of the bed next to the wall, leaving constance and ocean the one by the window. you hadn't been unpacking at hotels lately, so you just left your clothes in your bag but grabbed all of your toiletries. constance and ocean were getting themselves situated as well, doing their usual hotel routines. the three of you worked in a comfortable silence.

     you jumped onto your bed, slipping your shoes off and un-tucking the comforter from the mattress. you slipped under the covers and sighed. you could feel your body relaxing under the cool, cotton sheets. you had a big day ahead of you tomorrow, and you wanted a good night's rest, as you were sure ocean would wake you all up bright and early to get breakfast and warm up with her. it was currently 8:30, and you were too tired to get up and do anything, so you decided to put it off until the morning. you set the alarm clock on the bedside table to way before you actually needed to get up, just so you could have time to get ready. 

...

     morning hit, and you got ready, slowly but steadily. you were infromed that you would be performing at twelve pm, and going to the fair at one pm. the three of you in the room had finished getting ready by 10:30, so you spent the rest of the time preparing yourselves until you met with the rest of the choir, at 11:00. you had to walk to the competition, which was a decent mile away. it wasn't that bad of a walk, as the weather was nice and sunny, but not too hot. at twelve, nerves had struck you just a tiny bit, but not by much. this wasn't your first rodeo in choir, but it was your last. the thought made you sentimental. you had known most of the choir since pre-k, and had performed along side them for three years, going on four. this was your last high school concert. you looked around at the original choir members and a small smile slipped onto your face. ocean grabbed your hand and squeezed, smiling back at you. no matter how annoying she was sometimes, she was like family to you. they all were. you took a deep breath and got yourself situated to perform.

     "i thank you, dear adjudicator, for considering the saint cassian chamber choir for our senior concert! we are thrilled to be here, yet again, at the kiwanis international singing competition. last year we came in second place.. this just shows the high standards of excellence here at kiwanis. even in competition against yourself, you can still come out a loser. constance?" ocean spoke bitterly, remembering last year's competition.

     "our first song is by father louis p. marcus, our choir conductor. he was inspired by traditional african folk music, specifically the lion king.." constance looked at ocean for reassurance. "it's about our hometown uranium. enjoy!"

...

(a/n: sorry, this one got kind of random again but i had to put the lovey dovey character trait in just so i can develop the plot so just deal with it. i recommend just rereading the last two chapters just so you can get the feel of it, y'know? just pretend y/n is like bipolar with her feeling and cries in the shower to "i don't know how to love him" from jesus christ superstar. that's what i do as a fellow claims-to-love-love-but-doesn't-know-how-to-function-when-she-has-a-crush girl.