Chapter 1

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WARNING: this story may contain scenes, events and language that can serve as triggers for eating disorder and self harm.

Please please take care of yourself and know that you're so so loved and perfect just the way you are!

It is said that an average person spends about 20,160 minutes kissing in their lifetime. Over twenty thousand minutes and I haven't used up a single second of them.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I mumble as I push my food tray away from me and towards the center of the table.

"Sometimes I wonder if they ever get afraid that they might drown in their own saliva," Taylen admits as she unscrews the cap of her soda and takes a sip, before she adds; "I know I would."

"That has to be the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," I declare as I stare at the couple three tables down from ours. They're too busy with each other to notice that we're staring at them. Samantha, the wicked witch of the west, is comfortably seated in the lap of dreamy Justin Bieber. Her hands are locked around his jaw and his around her waist. Their lips are locked in a kiss so aggressive that it could only be categorized as inappropriate. I'm surprised that none of the teachers has told them to break it up already. I would do it, if it weren't for the fact that I'm trying my best to make them forget that I exist.

"What about Mr. Baxter's chest hair?" Taylen asks as she raises her eyebrow at me.

"You're right," I admit with my eyes still locked on the couple. I don't want to look, but it's become impossible for me to look away. "It's the second most disgusting thing I've ever seen."

Taylen tilts her head to the side as she studies the lip locked couple. "It kinda looks like she's trying to eat his face." She is right. It does look like Samantha is trying to eat Justin's face - either that or she's trying to drown him in her saliva.

"I don't think she would eat his face." My statement earns me a confused glance from Taylen. "She's on a new 'zero calorie' diet," I explain with a shrug.

"Right," Taylen says as she diverts her eyes back on to the two, before she changes the subject from the high school sweethearts and onto me. "What do you have next period?"

"Gym class," I sigh. I hate gym class - I always have. To me gym class is just another stupid excuse for teachers to humiliate their students without getting in trouble for it.

"Luck you," Taylen groans. I never understood why she likes gym class so much. I have this theory that she likes the sight of the sweaty high school boys more than she likes to actually get sweaty herself. I'm probably not too far off from the truth. "I have chemistry with Mr-chest-hair-Baxter." We both shudder at the thought of Mr. Baxter and his untamed chest hair, sticking up above the color of his usual low cut V-neck shirts.

"As much as the thought of the chest hair jungle horrifies me, I would gladly trade with you," I admit. I'm pretty sure I would be willing to do anything to get out of gym.

"That bad, huh?"

"Always," I sigh in defeat.

"Just try to dodge the ball and you'll survive," Taylen jokes, but I don't find it as amusing as her normal jokes. I know she's just trying to ease my mood but there's nothing that can ease the feeling of my internal organs doing backflips in my body. I feel like I'm going to throw the little bit of lunch I've eaten up again and all I want to do is flee from the school instantly. But I already have three warning this month for having skipped gym class another warning will result in a phone call to my parents.

"I'll try." I force a smile, so she won't see exactly how much the thought of going to gym is killing me inside. Then the warning bell rings and as if on cue the majority of the students rise from their seats and head for the exit.

"I guess that's my cue," Taylen states as she gathers her things and stands from her seat, blocking my view of the lip locked couple. "Are you coming?"

"I guess," I sigh in defeat as I stand from the chair and grab my book bag from the floor. I leave my half filled food tray on the table. It's unusual of me and it earns me a couple of weird glances from Taylen. But I ignore them; I have enough on my mind already.





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Sometimes I wish I could disappear; vanish into nothing but dust and ashes or become an unnoticed fly on the wall. This is one of those times. But, like always, I'm as existing and noticeable as an elephant in a porcelain shop.

I keep my eyes locked on the ground as I make my way through the locker room and toward my gym locker. I'm lucky enough to have been assigned one of the old lockers, which are hidden away in the very back of the locker room.

I turn my locker combination on the lock and dig out my gym shirt, from where I've stashed it in the back. Without hesitating I grab the hem of my sweatshirt and pull it off my body in one movement, exposing my naked stomach and bra to the chill air in the room. I reach for my gym shirt, but before I have the chance to grab it, it's snatched from right under my fingertips.

"Look who we have hear." Samantha is leaning against the lockers next to mine. Her eyes are blazing with humor as she stares at my, practically, naked upper body. I feel uncomfortable underneath her scrutinizing glare, so I try to cover up with my arms, but it's impossible to cover all of my stomach and my bra at the same time. "Nice underwear," she smirks and my confidence drops from zero to negative thirty. "I think you're missing something," Samantha laughs as she nods towards someone behind me.

Hannah, a skinny brunette with a pointy nose and a body to die for, is holding my gym shirt in her hands. I try to grab it from her, but she's too quick and before I have the chance to get ahold of it, she has dodged my hand and passed me. Hannah takes a stand next to Samantha and I shrink to half my size in their presence. They exchange looks before Hannah finally opens her mouth to speak. "If you want it, then come and get it," she challenges me. Then she raises the hand that's clutching my shirt as far up in the air as she can reach.

I stand on my toes and stretch my arms as far as I can in my desperate attempt to retrieve my shirt. I feel more exposed this way, but I find comfort in the fact that Samantha and Hannah are the only ones who gets to see me right now; although they're the worst people I could ever imagine seeing me like this.

It happens so fast that I barely have time to register it all in my head. The mechanical click of a camera fills the locker room. It's followed by a victorious, evil laughter and then my gym shirt falls to the ground.

"You know what they say," Samantha smirks at me. "A picture lasts longer." She tilts the screen so Hannah can see it and then they both burst into laughter.

I don't wait for them to stop laughing or leave me alone, before I pull my sweatshirt on again and slam my locker shut. I don't care that they see how hurt I am, as long as I get out of here before the tears starts to roll in.

Without sparing them, or my abandoned gym shirt, a single glance I shoot for the door at rocket speed.

The hallways are vacant, as they always are during class, and I'm grateful when I make it to the parking lot without having stumbled upon a single teacher. I don't bother to sign out in the office, even though I know that it will only cause me more trouble than I'm already in. But in this moment I don't care if they call my parents and I get house arrest, just as long as I get away

I can feel the tears pressing at the back of my eyes, desperately seeking some kind of release as I maneuver myself between the parked cars in the parking lot. I manage to make it to my car before I break down and turn into a sobbing mess of a broken hearted girl.

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