Whiter by the rain ( A Lana Del Rey FanFiction)

Autumn Sonata.

5 years later.

POV Lana.

I get off the stage after 30 minutes of singing almost the whole Ultraviolence album,quickly I take some photos with random fans that have been waiting all the concert to just grab my hand or tell me how much they loved all my previous albums and how I help them getting away from dark moments.

How lovely.

I would love to spend time with them but my head is spinning around and I can't wait to reach my hotel room,so I sing some more cards and make my way to the car waiting me out of the gates,today has been quite a long and difficult day,I've had some interviews to do and one in particular thirilled me filling my head with old memories.

Memories of him.

I couldn't help but split a few tears during "Video Games" wondering about how he's doing or where he is.

Everything I do is all for him,at least in the music category,everytime I have to write even when I don't really mean to,my head goes back to that godamnn person,how I would be hopless if he didn't help me all those years back,sure as hell I wouldn't be here right now.

The car ride is silent and painful,there's nothing to distract me,nothing that don't make me think,my boyfriend isn't even around,which right now,I deeply grateful,I wouldn't know how to act whilist crying about the biggest love of my life,the one I lost forever,suddnly my phone buzz and as I reach out for it,the car stops abruptally,I lean toward the window to see what's going on outside but the darkness eats me whole

< I'm sorry,there's some problem with the wheels > the driver's words don't even bother me,I slowly open the door and get out of the machine staring at my phone:

Some sort of real freak caught me crying on stage and my twitter feeds are all full of those cheesey photos of my weeping my eyes off.

How wonderful.

Without realizing it I rest my back against the cold wall and slowly close my eyes trying to breath out

<Always the bad girl,hungin' around the wrong places >

I froze,a deep paniful shiver runs down my shoulder as my throath stiffens

my hears collapsed as I recognize the warm velvet voice that still makes my eyes fill of lust and desire.

<Fancy seeing you again> Zachary's says.

I slowly turn around facing it once for good.

He's always the same handsome guy,tall,toned,calm and incredibly seductive.

His eyes make me want to fall at his feet,but there's something different in him.

<How's going?> he keeps asking me questions as I try to undestand what changed

<You look older > I whisper,my voice cracks down as I moves closer to me,his hand grabbing mine.

Memories fly in front of my eyes,his gentle touch enchants me as his bedroom eyes make his face look luscious,I can't stop making eye contact.

<It's been five years > he looks incredibly sad as I squeeze his rough hand

<I missed you > words treaming out my mouth without me realizing

<How are you?> we're so close by now,my head is resting on his still totally bare chest and his hand is caressing my hair pulling my nearer and nearer

<I'm f...oh fuck this bullshit.I'm not fine,I've missed you like hell an back there I just kept waiting for you to come,but guess what you never did >

The realitly hits me rawly,he never shown up,I awaited and awaited but nothing,every weekend I was left alone,no notes,no letters,no holidays.

As the time went by,I convinced myself we never had nothing serious,we just shared a season together,but still I loved him and wanted to go back to our old life,no matter how horrible and hard he was,as long as he was with me even hell could feel like paradise.

I try to push him away,but I only feel his grip being held more thigtly by his strong arms.

<Stay out of those dark corners and walk towards the light..> he places a kiss on my forehead,inhaling my parfume

<Zach,answer me > I beg him,I just want an explanation,it can't be like that,if he left me there must be some sort of a reason but before I know it his lips are on mine as the only thing I can think about his how the whiskey on his tounge smells familiar and the cigarettes stink from both the two of us makes me feel dizzy.

< We can't be together and you know that,I really loved you Lana and forever will,everything I do is for you too and I just can't stop thinking that breaking up with you was the best thing I ever did,because it took you here,you're happy know,you got a decent life and you can't paint it as if it was a work of art,stop wasting time any other time>

His voice too cracks down as a small tear rolls down his cheecks,I softly wipe it away,placing my lips on his pale skin,I know he's right,we can't be together I got it long time ago but sill..

<Tell me you loved me,tell me you love me and forever will > I ask,no bothering to hide my own tears for him,this is it,the very end,the goodbye I've been waiting all my life.

<That's what you've been waiting? > his hands cup my face

<Yes,that's everything I always wanted to know > our eyes interlocked,our skin touching dengerously,my hands on his face.

<I loved you like crazy Lana,and forever will >

And that was it, a dark lonely kiss,lied on our lips,soft,rough,cold,warm,gentle,ultraviolence,easy,difficult,forgettable,unforgettable,

Horrible,beautiful,his,mine.Ours.

And as the night eat us, I can see his trimmed figure walking away,our hands finally letting go,he turns back . And soon I can't see him anymore.