A letter to my younger self:
You fell in love. And then they left. And that's okay. You may not think much of it now - but it's one of the greatest journeys you've been on. You will learn a lot, you will grow a lot and your life will turn out much better than you anticipated.
I know you don't ever feel like you fit in. You suppress parts of yourself and hide away in the darkness because that's where you felt accepted. And that's okay. If I could tell you anything it's that it really, really does get better. You've made more amazing friends and you're able to live fully as yourself. Of course, it's a process to re-remember who you are after suppressing it for so long. Remember that you will fall in love? Yeah, that person will be a massive point in your life getting better. Even them leaving is what will benefit you - even if it won't seem that way.
Shit hurts, it always will. And that's okay. You're allowed to be happy, you know? There will come a time where you don't rely on YouTube for distractions and to get you through the day. You will learn to have yourself get you through the day. Your skills will grow in all aspects. You will work alongside so many amazingly skilled, talented and phenomenal people - and they all give a shit about you. High school is filled with a bunch of assholes - but you will learn that they aren't the whole world.
You will cry. A lot. From sadness and from joy - I know, I still can't believe we can do that. But re-awakening your emotions will be overwhelming but it will be so worth it. Don't rush yourself, though. The process is all part of it.
That love you found? They will always be such a massive part in your life. You will know that from day one. But, you will also be right from day one, that it may not last forever. But, again, you will learn so much - about love, relationships, the self, independence, codependence, interdependence and so much more. I don't know if they'll ever come back again. But, it doesn't matter if they do. You don't need them in your life - you knew that from the start, it just took some time to fully realize. You will always want happiness for them. And you will always hope they grow and find their true self, free from the control and suppression of their ego and others around them.
Your friends make you happy and you make yourself happy too. You've always known your purpose - make cool shit. And that will never stop. You will make so much that will touch the heart of others. You will make beautiful things alongside others. You will make cool shit.
I know it all feels like it fucking sucks. It will, for a while. Things will get better, then it will suck again, then it will get better again. Things get better and they will always suck again, but you will learn to pick yourself back up.
Give yourself a hug, you're doing great. You will be able to live as Aidyn. And you will be happy.
I love you.
P.S. - You look way cooler than you thought you'd end up looking.
YOU ARE READING
Notes from the Mind
PoetryI often have many thoughts on my mind, so, here are most of them trickled down into perceivable words. And maybe you can find yourself in them too.
