SPOTLIGHT

chapter 47 | what does love really means?

Y/n pov

The medicine eventually and finally sinks in and so i decided to go and visit Scarlett..i went to a flower shop first before heading at the hospital..

As soon as i arrived everybody was looking at me taking pictures but i couldn't care less. "Y/n y/l/n.. oh my god..can we have a picture together?" One of them suddenly came to me

"I'm sorry...i.. i can't.. please don't post anything, i would really appreciate my privacy right now.. just ones.. let me have it..im really sorry" i shook my head forcing a smile before leaving and just went straight to the elevator.

Upon looking at the mirror.. i suddenly saw Scarlett... she's just looking at me with pity on her eyes.." s-scar..? No... N-No.. calm down.. it's nothing.. you're making it up" i sigh closing my eyes trying to catch my breath..

As soon as the elevator door opened i quickly ran my way to Scarlett's room with a pounding heart worried that seeing her was a bad sign..

I stumbled at the fixed window seeing she's actually fine.. she's still peacefully sleeping while her vitals were normal...the amount of relief i felt..

I put on some protective clothes before going inside "I'm back..also..i got you some flowers" i sigh kissing her forehead putting the roses on the bedside table

"How long are you gonna keep me overthinking?... Scar..." I mumbled underneath my breath holding her hand.

"Uhm...m-my day was.. great" i Force a chuckle trying my hardest to stop myself from crying knowing she doesn't like it when i do..

"I-Im.. still hearing the voice.. he's still trying to tell me horrible things and yknow you would really be proud of me..i fought it...i didn't hurt myself..well.. not that much" i giggled

" Hailee came... And if i were you I'd wake up now coz i think we're getting more closer" i Playfully says cheerfully but as hard as i try.. i still ends up getting tears building up in my eyes..

" U-Uhm... Yeah.. i also told buzz light-year and mr journalist what happened.. don't worry about the kids.. we can handle this for now...all we can't handle is l-loosing you.. so please.. we're all waiting" i breathe out squeezing her hand

I lay my head down beside her hand just to place it on my cheek moving her thumb like how she does it to calm me down..

i quietly cried biting my own lips.."y'know hailee goes to sweden to get koko...i miss him too...and i think he would be happier if we greet him together..i mean it's his first flight.." i mumbled.

A nurse suddenly came and i quickly fixed my self wiping my tears looking away " I'm sorry.. it's time for her bath" she smiled " oh.. uhm y-yeah..ok" i nodded..

The nurse look at me seemed worried.. as she started putting a wet towel on Scarlett she suddenly cleared her throat " she's gonna be ok " she reassured earning my nod

"i think she can hear you.." she mumbled looking at the vital signs monitor

"i mean.. i hope so" i looked down still trying to get myself together

" Look at this" she pointed at the monitor

" We've been monitoring her 24/7 since yknow she's a vip patient.. when you were away her vitals seemed to he normal...now.. look..her heart is beating fast.. not in a bad way.. like normal way but Kind of fast from average"

"her chest.. feels heavy?" I asked swallowing thickly

" Hm hmm...some comatose patients does that when their loved ones talks to them...she cares about you and your feelings.."

"First you you put her on a coma and now you're hurting her more..see what i mean when i said you don't deserve her love??? " The voice in my head stated clicking it's tongue

"What happens if she... didn't woke up in 4 weeks and...she got b-brain dead?" I swallower thickly asking questions I don't even wanna know

"She's legally dead.. but still breathing thru a life support machine"

"But is there a chance she'd still wake up then?"

" I'm sorry... No one ever recovered after being declared brain dead.." she looked down continuing what she was doing avoiding to look me in the eyes

"Ok..what if i kept her on life support..e-even if she's not gonna w-wake up anymore?" I shrugging sniffing learning all the alternatives getting myself ready.

"Her heart would eventually stop beating within 72 hours and.. even if you kept her on life support..it would still stop beating for a week or so.. and yknow.. her brain and heart won't function her body will start to decompo--"

" OK STOP...stop.. i-im sorry.. please stop" i quickly huffed not wanting to hear more..

"She's strong...she had some severe injury on her head that most patients just dies on the spot.. but she didn't.. she's gonna make it.. she's fighting.. and as we always say to their love ones.. her fight would be easier if she has an ally... that's you.. help her by helping yourself" she firmly says earning my nod

I know they're just saying things like this to make me stop overthinking and look at the bright side.. which is Scarlett still being alive... problem is.. i grew up in darkness that I'm having trouble even believing bright side exists.

And as i stare at the only person who i loved and loved me being in this situation because of me.. it's just proving me right.

It doesn't matter how long it takes.. I'll wait till i can't anymore..and so when the day comes..when a second chance would be given.. I'd do what's best.

If the people i love are hurting because of me what's the point of being with them. What's the point of enjoying their company just to put them in danger at the end of the day because of my stupidity.

Hard to say and digest but i love my self.. but i also love Scarlett.. and if it means i need to walk out of her life and make her hate me..i will...i will do anything.. whatever it takes just to keep her away from me..keep her away from..the pain i causes everyone.

I love her.. I want to keep her..protect her at any cost... im ok going back on watching her from afar...it Will hurt more than dying but as long as i know she's safe... she's a strong woman.. she'll eventually move on and probably find someone who could actually be what she needs.