The Beast Within

Congregatio Luporum: Chapter Five

When it comes to matters of romance, I admit I was a fool.

The only time I'd given any thought to marriage was with Ambrosia, but I was looking at it from a child's point of view. All notions of love I had died with her—or so I believed. Because of that, I never viewed anyone with an amorous eye, or entertained even a sliver of possibility that I could have a bond like the one Pa and Ma shared. 

Until I met a woman who was, if anything, persistent. 

 It was Faye who chased and courted me, though it took a long time for me to recognize it.

She came to the colony years after me, with two others she had met in the woods, and the story she told when she was the guest of honor was a tragic one. 

She was born with her gift, coming from a family of wolves who lived a good life in the woods. But she lost her parents and three siblings when their home was attacked by what she described as "pale-skinned, long-toothed ghouls". The monsters held her family captive, and over several agonizing hours Faye watched them devour her parents and siblings until a chance to escape presented itself. Barely alive, Faye fled and endured more hardship before eventually finding companions she could trust.

Despite her horrific past, Faye was friendly and laughed often, and was quick to make herself a valuable member of the colony.

"I'm happy because I'm alive," she once said to me when I asked about her sunny disposition. "Aren't you happy to be alive, Josiah?"

She saw a kindred spirit in me, for we had both stared evil in the face and survived, and were intimate with death and loss. She understood my cold and distant nature was an attempt to keep others safe. Faye knew that desire all too well. 

But unlike me, Faye did not wallow in despair by seeking solitude, no, she fought against it. 

While others enjoyed pursuits like painting and plants, Faye's passion was bringing a shy and troubled young man back to the light.

Ambrosia would have thought very highly of her.

To better understand what I had been through, she visited the library to learn my story. Years later she told me that the moment she concluded reading was the moment she decided to love me. 

There were many in the colony who advised against it, telling her that getting close to me was a fool's errand, for I was content to be alone.

"You would sooner capture the moon than Josiah's heart," they said.

This only spurred her on.

Knowing they had hosted me during my first days, she asked Ragnor and Celene about me and returned to the library several times to reread my story, determined to find the key to breaking down the walls around my heart.

"He's lost too many people," Ragnor told her, "and he's afraid of losing someone again."

I, of course, was completely oblivious and wouldn't know anything of her efforts until after we were married.

Faye's flirtation was subtle, though Ragnor and Celene would argue against that opinion. She made sure to sit beside me at every dinner and engage me in conversation, while I remained shamefully awkward and distant. I was never bothered by her attention, but neither was I flattered.

I assumed she was being friendly like everyone else in the colony.

When I spoke she often giggled, leaving me confused and wondering which part of what I said had been humorous.

After several weeks, I realized that she was always with me during my daily tasks, as if a miracle had paired us together in anything from hunting to cleaning to gardening. She would speak about a range of things, from her favorite season to memories of her family, and my resistance to offer any details of my own mind was only met with more attempts to engage me in conversation. I was not completely silent and talked as much as I wanted to, which, in her view, was never enough. There was even a secret contest in her mind, she later revealed, where she used every trick she could think of to make me laugh. I found her company charming and was happy when we were together for chores.