flower. || L.S

10. cigarettes and day dreams you were only 17

Louis's pov

it's been horrible without harry. as soon as the day ends i say goodbye to freddie and run to the cabin i need him fuck i don't even know what i'll do or say i just grabbed some tulips and roses from the flower field and ran there

i walk into harry's room flowers in hand he has another counselor on his bed and he's clearly crying to her "don't you know how to fucking knock?" he says aggressively and i clear my throat

"i'm sorry can i talk to you?" i say and the girl clears her throat awkwardly and i frown walking towards him as she leaves

i hand him the flowers "i'm sorry. i know it was horrible what i had done and i'm so sorry about that. please my darling if you let me explain ill do anything to make you like me again. i'm sorry i broke our bond like that." i say and he nods "go on."

"i'm going through kind a battle within myself at the moment half of me wants something the other half knows i shouldn't because it could really fuck me and freddie up and no this isn't about any drugs or anything like that. i thought if i distanced myself from you a person who id been probably the most vulnerable with it would like make it easier for me not to be weak around you or vulnerable i don't know why i kissed you and i wanted nothing more than for you to hold me and just let me cry to you but i felt like i was putting too much on you. harry you're not my therapist you're not anyone who should handle the shit i put you through. you're a camp counselor you should be teaching children about different kinds of butterflies not dealing with a parent who's struggling with some dark shit. i'm sorry please accept these." i hand him the flowers and he pulls me down for a cuddle

"i forgive you." he kisses my head "you got me roses." he smiles softly and i nod "promise you're not upset?"

"i'm not. thank you for apologizing. i appreciate it. but no i'm fine." he smiles and just holds me god if he only knew.

"i wanna ask you about something it's a little sensitive but i want to help if there's something going on." he speaks softly carefully. something is coming up and it's not nice.

"go on" i say curiously and he takes a deep breath "why were you scratching yourself to the point of blood? you know when i found you in the flower field when your thighs were bleeding i saw the blood in your nails and on your fingers. like you scratched it not just touched it." i take a deep breath oh boy

"erm. when i was younger i struggled with self harm. i stopped around 18 ish i still find myself doing it whenever i'm so close to relapsing or i'm too stressed i turn to it as a distraction a stress reliever. obviously i try not to but i can't help it sometimes it's the only thing that can help me in some moments." he takes my hands and kisses them finger after finger

"i'm sorry. you don't deserve that. please if you ever feel like you want to relapse again you can tell me please do tell me" he looks into my eyes he's so beautiful.

"i will i promise." i say honestly and he kisses my temple.

"can i request something from you? it's really weird but i don't know i want to you can say no of course but" i nod in response and he takes a deep breath

"can i kiss the scars?" i pause for a moment no one really has seen my scars before let alone kiss them i always hide them because i feel like they're not that good looking i guess?

"haz they're not pretty i don't think you want your mouth touching that." he looks at me offended

"are you joking?! i want to even more now! to show you how absolutely beautiful they are." he says and i sigh

"go ahead" he kneels down so he's hovering over my thighs he takes the piece of fabric off slowly then he plants a small kiss on them going from the top to the bottom

"these are beautiful louis. i'm not just saying that i mean it they're beautiful they all are signs that you're not a quitter you are still here still fighting not only for you but for your little one. i cannot be more honored that you trust me with such sensitive parts and feelings. thank you." he kisses them some more and at that moment i realized that i am in fact inlove with harry styles.

i pull his head up gently and lay him beside me so i can cuddle him without a word he kisses my head "goodnight flower." i smile softly and doze off.

"i love you."