Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 17

Khushi

"I can't become Arnav Ji's wife just because I'm wearing sindoor and mangalsutra... right?" I said. "Since we are not really married."
 
"Khushi, ho ca...?" Arnav Ji said as he stepped forward.
 
"Bitiya, what do you mean?" Nani Ji asked. Her face was worried.
 
"We... didn't take any vows... All Arnav ji did was put sindoor and mangalsutra... So that everyone thinks we are married." I answered as I looked at her while avoiding him.
 
"Hello-Hi-Bye-Bye! Then it means you were staying in the same room without marriage?" Mami Ji exclaimed as her eyes went wide with surprise.
 
The whole room fell silent as I said nothing. Because I had no excuse... She was right. We were living together without marriage.
 
"Why didn't you tell us anything? We... We could've helped you." Bua Ji said to me as I looked down.
 
"I told you... I told you to tell them." Amma spoke for the first time. I looked at her with surprise as she continued, "If you had listened to me and told them about Shyam ji, then none of this would've happened."
 
Why is she talking like this?... She knows why I did it. She knows everything.
 
"Amma..." My voice shook as I looked into her eyes. "You know why I did it. I... I had thought he would change if I said no. If I refused."
 
"Who told you to do this?... Why did you have to decide? All you should've done was tell them. The rest is none of your business..." Amma shook me by my arms. "Why can't you just listen to me for once? Is... Is it because I'm not your real mother?... You know, I would never want any harm to come to you."
 
"Yes, Phati Saree. Why didn't you tell us?" Mami Ji said, taking a step forward toward me.
 
But I just stared at Amma hopelessly. Why is she talking like this? Why is she bringing those things up? She knows better than anyone why I did it.
 
"Answer, Phati Saree. Or have your excuses finished?" Mami Ji added, turning me to face her.
 
I wet my lips as I looked at Jiji. She stood silent and didn't look up at me or anyone else.
 
"I should have told you?... Would you have believed me?" I asked as I turned my gaze at Mami Ji. "You know very well what happened when I told everyone." I paused for a moment. "I was called characterless for telling the truth. I was insulted because I tried to save Di from Shyam ji... Both Jiji and Nanhe Ji were insulted because they took my side. Akash Jijaji blamed Jiji because of me. Nani Ji told me not to come in front of Di. Di couldn't even stand me. Arnav Ji told me none of this would've happened if I weren't here. And you're asking me, Why didn't I tell you anything?"
 
I looked at everyone as they said nothing.
 
"But you're right. It's all my fault. I am to be blamed for everything. It's my fault that Shyam Ji lied to my family and cheated on Di. It's entirely my fault that I thought he could change and be loyal to Di. It's... my fault that Arnav Ji misunderstood and blackmailed me to marry him. It's my fault that Jijaji is blaming Jiji for everything." I said, nodding. Because it really was my fault. Everything was my fault. Everything... Maybe I should have just died with Maa and Babu Ji in that accident. No one would've suffered then. Everything would have been fine. Everyone would have been happy.
 
I took a breath as my vision blurred with tears, and I turned away from them. My whole body shook as I slowly started walking away... It was all my fault. All of it...
I pressed my shaking fingers over my lips as a sob broke through me.
 
"Khushi, Stop. Listen to me." Arnav Ji's voice came from somewhere behind, then his hand gripped my wrist and turned me. And I looked into his eyes and his face for a brief moment before stepping away and freeing my hand.
 
"Amma, let's go." I said this as I looked at Jiji. She was staring at me. Her face was sad and worried, with her eyes wet.
 
Amma looked at me for a second, then went to Jiji and took her hands before saying, "I... want you to come with us."
 
Jiji looked at her as a tear fell.
 
"Amma..." Akash Jijaji started.
 
"I don't want you to stay where people disrespect you in the name of love. I don't want you to suffer like Khushi did." Amma said as she cupped Jiji's cheek with tenderness.
 
"Amma, Payal is not going anywhere." Jijaji said, turning to them.
 
"I'll really appreciate it, Akash Bitwa, if you don't speak in between when I'm talking to my daughter." Amma said this without looking at him.
 
"Amma..." I started, but Bua Ji stopped me with a hand. When I looked at her, she just shook her head at me.
 
Jiji pulled her hands from Amma before turning to Akash Jijaji.
 
"Would you really have walked down on me if Arnav Ji had asked you to?" Jiji asked slowly, in a low voice, without looking up at him.
 
He didn't say anything but stared at the ground. Why aren't you denying it, Jijaji? You love Jiji... I know you wouldn't have done that even if Arnav Ji had told you to do so.
 
Jiji slowly nodded her head before looking up at him and saying, "That's why you never said anything when Maa Ji insulted me and my family at every step. That's why you never trusted a word I said in Khushi's defense. Because I... was too easy for you to let go." She paused for a second. "Did you... did you ever love me?"
 
Akash Jijaji's head snapped up, and he looked at Jiji like she had slapped him. Tell her na she's wrong. Tell her you love her. I fisted my dupatta as I internally begged him to say something.
 
"Payal, you know I love you. It's just that..." Jijaji stopped nervously.
 
Jiji waited for him to finish, but he never did. He just looked at Mami Ji before looking down again.
 
"It's just that I'm not important enough. You wouldn't be able to choose me above your mother, right?" Jiji said, as her words were wrapped in both disappointment and heartbreak.
 
She nodded at him while brushing her tears off before turning to Mami Ji and saying, "Congratulations, Maa Ji... You finally forced me out."
 
Mami ji opened her mouth to speak, but Jiji took Amma's hand and started for the door as Bua ji and I followed closely.
 
"Khushi, stop." Arnav Ji said loudly and tightly gripped me by my arm and stopped me.
 
"Leave her." Bua Ji said, raising her voice and trying to free me from him.
 
"Chote.." Nani Ji and Di gasped together.
 
"Bhai..." Jijaji called.
 
"You are not going anywhere." He said this, looking into my eyes while avoiding Bua Ji.
 
"Arnav Bitwa, leave her." Amma spoke loudly from beside Jiji.
 
"This is between me and my wife. Who are you to interfere?" He said, raising his voice while looking at her with anger in his eyes, then turned to me. I stared at him with disbelief as he finished. How... How dare he?
 
I roughly snatched my arm free from his before saying, "Don't you dare talk to my Amma like that." I pointed my forefinger at him. "Because I'm not going to stand and watch like your family does."
 
He stared at me with shock before the anger in his eyes completely vanished, and he almost looked apologetic.
 
"Khushi, I..." 
 
"I'm not Akash Jijaji who will stay quiet and tolerate while you behave like that to my mother or anyone in my family." I warned while taking a step closer to him and stared right into his eyes.
 
"It didn't mean to..." Arnav Ji tried, then turned to Amma. "A-Aunty, I'm sorry."
 
I stared at him as he tried to apologize. I fell for him? Someone who doesn't even know how to talk to people politely? Let alone elders.
 
"Khushi, you know..."
 
"It really was a mistake to fall in love with you." The words slipped from my tongue before I could stop them. I slowly shook my head in disbelief as I stared at him and tried to believe what was actually in front of me.
 
"You're still the same." I whispered with a sigh, loud enough for him to hear, as tears slipped down from the corner of my eyes while I stared up at him for one last time and wished to never see him again before walking away.