Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 21

Khushi

It's been two days since I left him.
 
It's been two days since we were all trying our best to help each other cope with the things that happened in Shantivaan. We might not be laughing like before, but we are trying.
 
Since that emotional breakdown of Jiji, she hasn't cried. She also hasn't smiled, but at least she's with us. At least we are all together.
 
Amma doesn't even speak of that day or of those people. She's looking after us like we are kids. It feels good... but I know that deep down she's feeling guilty and blaming herself.
 
But Bua Ji has her complete energy. She keeps talking about that day, like we gossip about our neighbours. And she's been trying to distract us. She even took us out to eat Gol Gappe. And I'd be lying if I said that we didn't enjoy it.
 
And as for me... I'm still heartbroken... but slowly I'm feeling like myself again. I can feel my old humour coming back. I can feel my old positivity about everything coming back. I feel like Khushi Kumari Gupta again.
 
"Bua Ji, should we go out to eat Chatt today?" I asked loudly as I sat on the sofa in the living room while eating Chanay.
 
"Hai re Nandkishore! Why can't you tell before ha? Who will eat my Mutur Pullao now?" She replied more loudly from the kitchen. "Your ghost?"
 
"Arre, we will eat na." I replied as I sat up straight and propped my feet on the table. "And also, Mutur Pullao is for dinner, and Chatt is for the evening."
 
"But, Khushi..." Jiji started as she sat on a single sofa.
 
"Promise you'll eat?" Bua Ji shouted back.
 
"Of course, Bua Ji."
 
I heard her mumble something before she said loud enough for me to hear, "We'll see."
 
I made a face at her words before turning to Jiji, who sat with a small smile on her lips and shook her head.
 
"Khushi?" She called as she twisted her dupatta around her finger.
 
"Hmm?"
 
"Just because we aren't graduates, people insulted us a lot na?" She asked without looking at me.
 
I stared at her for some time before sighing and nodding in agreement... It was true. Everyone looked down on us. Everyone treated us like we were not even humans.
 
"Do you.. want to... be a graduate and... get a job?"
 
I was caught surprised by her question, but I thought about it for a moment before answering her.
 
"I do." I said while nodding my head. "Do you?"
 
She looked up at me, her eyes glinting as she said with eagerness, "I do."
 
"Should we try?" I asked, smiling as I jumped up from my seat as excitement gripped me while Jiji flinched at my sudden reaction.
 
"We should." She gave me a full smile, but soon her smile fell, and she added, "But we can't afford it."
 
I slumped back in my seat as my excitement melted away in a blink as I looked at her. I unconsciously reached for my mangalsutra to fiddle with it but found it gone. Clearly, Jiji had also noticed it since she stared at my neck for a second before looking at me with questions in her eyes.
 
"You... took it off?" She asked as hesitation laced her words and face.
 
I nodded before pulling my hand back from my neck and looking down at my lap.
 
"Why?" She asked carefully as I felt her staring at me.
 
I swallowed slowly before looking up at her and saying, "It wasn't a real marriage... It was just..." I paused. "For show."
 
She looked at me as her head tilted a little to the side with sympathy. I again looked down at my hands and bit the inside of my cheek.
 
After a long silence, without looking at her, I asked slowly, "Do you want to go back there?"

I swallowed deeply as I nervously waited for her to answer, but before she said anything, Bua Ji called her, and she left without answering.
 
Why am I nervous about Jiji's answer?... Why am I feeling scared?... I shook my head to get rid of these thoughts, took a handful of Chaney, and put it in my mouth.
 
Shouldn't Jijaji have come to get Jiji?... Shouldn't he have at least try to talk to her?... I munched down on my Chaney harshly as anger wrapped around me. Didn't he say he loved her? Then why isn't he doing anything?... He didn't even call in the last two days. Does he even care about her anymore?
 
I inhaled and exhaled deeply through my mouth while deciding not to think about it. I will not think about or care about Jijaji. All that matters to me is Jiji and her happiness. And I'll support her with whatever decision she makes. Even if she wants to go back there... I nodded to myself as I sat on the sofa with my legs crossed under me.
 
What if Jijaji doesn't come but Jiji wants to go back? Then? What will happen then?... I bit my finger nails. What if Mami Ji doesn't want Jiji to go back?... What if Bua Ji and Amma don't let Jiji go?... Hai, Devi Maiya! Please help us. Please fix everything. I don't want Jiji to get hurt anymore... But what if...
 
"Khushi?" Amma called from the kitchen. "Open the door. Someone's knocking, Bitiya."
 
I jerked back to reality as her words finally reached my ears, and I answered loudly, "Hmm, I'm going."
 
I stumbled on my way to the door while fixing my dupatta and opened the door as the bell rang again.
 
It's him...
 
I swallowed dryly as my lips parted, and I stared at him.
 
"I want to talk to you." He said it calmly as he stared deep into my eyes.