A Court of Blood & Mercy || Elriel Dual POV

Chapter 17 - Never Meant to Live Forever

Elain looked up at Azriel, her eyes watering and tight as she felt another wave of dread cascade across her chest.

How many minutes had it been? Or was it hours now? Hours since Penelope had gone missing? Hours or minutes... it didn't matter. It all stretched before her like an eternity. As if her daughter was worlds and centuries away from her— the unending loop of horrid scenarios rocketing through Elain's mind as she felt her hands shake.

Why would Penelope do this?

How could she be so foolish? So naïve!

It was a mistake to come here; to Velaris. Nothing but regret filled her soul as Elain found her heart yearning for the safety of Autumn: crying and screaming out for the security of her estate... wishing she could simply pull her veil back over her eyes and this nightmare would be over— that she would be back in her window seat, listening as Penelope recited ancient Prythian history with her tutor, with nothing but a kettle whistling in the background as Dunya purred on her lap and the red deadened leaves bristled across her amber-lit backyard.

Because Autumn, for all her faults and all her trespasses... was home. It was warmth and security and her daughter and safety and everything Elain desperately wished she could grab hold of now that she was standing on this frigid ledge in a hissing dark cavern beneath a wretched mountain, with her only daughter just... gone.

Elain felt the torrent of thoughts ricochet and tear through her mind as she wept, realizing she was whimpering aloud, her tears soaking into Azriel's leathers as he patiently held her. She could vaguely feel his hands tighten over her shoulders, holding her to him as her world continued to crash and break around her.

The images that had slain her to the ground in the river mansion continued to play on a loop behind her eyes— Penelope in the distance, running through a dark corridor, her hands grazing and pushing against the walls of the cavern as she tried to find her way, stumbling through the darkness, calling out for her mother as distant shrieks echoed off the cold stone.

Elain shuddered, letting another volley of tears release from her eyes as her ribcage shuddered, sinking into Azriel.

She hadn't a slice of visions in nigh-on twenty years. She had almost come to believe that she was incapable of magic... of "seeing." And the fact that her powers had seemed to reach out from beyond the veil at the moment she realized Penelope was missing? It terrified her. It felt like a warning and an omen the way her other visions were— of death and destruction.

Elain felt her heart beat faster as her fingers shook before curling tighter into the embrace of the Shadowsinger and squeezing her eyes shut so tight the muscles across her forehead began to hurt.

She couldn't remember the last time she had ever felt like this— terrified beyond any measure. It reminded her of those hours after her daughter's birth—hemorrhaging and crying out to the Mother and the Cauldron to spare her babe.

She hadn't even felt this terrified during her own capture and kidnapping.

She had just hung in that camp, dejected and resigned to her fate... like she wasn't even worth saving.

Elain was not a fool: she was aware that it would be simpler if Azriel had abandoned her in the river mansion: if she had let her sisters or the wraiths tuck her into bed with a wet cloth upon her forehead and a glass of brandy slung down her throat, resting and being fussed over while she waited for the true warriors to find her daughter.

She began to peel herself from Azriel's leathers, dragging her hands across her tear-strewn face as she let out a small hiccup. Pulling away from his heat felt like she was taking off a warm blanket and stepping into a winter night with nothing but a slip on. A shiver ran down her spine as another shriek pulled up from the city lurking beneath the ledge.