A Court of Blood & Mercy || Elriel Dual POV

Chapter 23 - Gods Help Her

Elain wasn't sure what she had expected of her first foray into spying, but it wasn't whatever had just occurred.

She tumbled down the marble staircase of Morrigan's home, clutching the furred hem of her coat up from the drifting snow before allowing a waiting male servant to assist her over the blackened ice. She stepped gently as she felt the chilled air whispered against her flushed cheeks, folding into the magically warmed carriage sleigh with ease as the male sealed the door behind her with a click.

The horses began moving immediately, jolting her shoulders gently into the tufted bench behind her as she lifted her gloved fingers to her hairline, pressing her temple as her eyes settled on her lap. Untucking her hair from the hood of her velvet overcoat, she let out a small breath, allowing the steaming puff of air to float in front of her as she tried to calm her beating heart.

The day had unfolded so strangely.

In fact, the entire trip had unfolded strangely. From the moment Eris had invoked the threat of the Third Rule, Elain had felt like she was swimming underwater— her senses dulled and blinded by the thick unreality and whiplash of Penelope leaving before traveling to Winter.

The bandits accosting them on the road to Vanessa's palace had left her in such a state of surprise that Elain had all but fainted on top of the ornate ivory silk comforter, stretching her limbs across the four-poster bed as her heart threatened to burst from her ribcage. Vanessa's maidservants began hanging her gowns and tucking away her jewels in the various wardrobes and dressers as Elain rolled to her back, her eyes unblinking as she stared at the vaulted ceiling looming above her. It reminded her of some of Feyre's more abstract work, the swirling tones of violet and indigo dancing across the painted clouds and stars. She felt her vision go blurry as she scanned the colliding colours, her mind playing and replaying the picture of Azriel standing outside the carriage as the scent of cedar and mist stung her nose.

Perhaps she should have been afraid— in another life or if he was anyone else, as her gaze flashed across his blood-flecked skin, his boots all but dunked in a pool of blood. It should be terrifying to have seen the blackened shadows swirl and pool over the carriage as the sound of death swallowed her pointed ears, but the truth about shadow was that to Elain, it was as comforting as pure daylight.

Because shadow was the symbol of hope to her in the way that scars had become beauty.

In the Forest of Seela, he had saved her again.

And now she was supposed to betray him? Spy on him? Use him as a fallible point of weakness to get to the Inner Circle? After all he had done for her, Elain was struggling to find the motivation.

But failing to comply would bring the Third Rule upon her: become the personal concubine for the heir incarnate.

Elain felt certain that there were very few threats that would ever cause her to betray the Shadowsinger: he was just too dear to her.

In truth, Azriel was stowed within the most tender part of her soul. He was tucked away with memories of walking with her father through the gardens at their human estate. He was hidden with the smell of cinnamon or the purr of Dunya on her lap. Azriel was to her the way it was to hold Nyx for the first time or embrace her sisters after a long absence. Smiling across a garden toward Azriel was the same feeling she had when she shared a laugh with her daughter or had the sunshine on her face as her hands burrowed in soil.

And after seeing him with his shorn skull and hollowed eyes... she knew he was vulnerable right now. He seemed... unwell. Like the shadows around him had begun sinking into his skin and soul; vibrating and breathing into his organs in a way she had never felt in the past. It was like she could feel his pain as her own, connected to him by more than just a friendship, and it was clear to her that if there was ever a time to strike against the Shadowsinger, the time was now.