Two for One

Chapter 5: Pierogi

Harry wakes up in the afternoon and does a circuit of the house to know what he needs to get.

The top floor is three bedrooms, only one having any furniture. The one Harry slept in has a bed and a side table. All three have inbuilt closets and wide curtain-covered windows. Also on the upper floor is a bathroom and a room filled with a large desk and chair, presumably a study.

Downstairs, there's a kitchen at the back with a few items of cutlery and a bench that reaches out to the middle of the room, which Harry's just going to use as a dinner table since there are already chairs set out underneath it.

Another bathroom splits the kitchen and the living room which has a three-seater couch coupled with two singles, all arranged around a coffee table. For a second Harry wonders if he should buy a TV, but then remembers how far back in time he is.

Stretched out along the side of the house is a room filled with empty bookcases and Harry labels that one a library and wonders if he can be bothered to buy enough books to fill the shelves. He walks around and pauses, finding that one shelf is filled with Ministry issued rules plus random research journals on time travelling.

Harry decides to just go with the time theory and not explain he went diagonal instead of just backwards. There's also a folder at the end, filled with pages upon pages of questions. The note written on the front reads; It would save us both time if you completed this at home and just brought it in later when I call you.

Harry frowns at the thick folder and vaguely plans to look at it again later, the procrastinator inside him flaring up big time.

Then he heads out to buy the necessities. He does a quick food and clothes run, mentally thanking the Unspeakable for having furniture in the house so Harry doesn't have to deal with it.

Then he spends about an hour hovering outside Ollivander's shop, trying in turns to talk himself out of and then into buying his holly wand again. He eventually finds his body moving before his mind makes a decision.

He arrives home with pockets full of shrunken shopping plus one holly wand.

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"Oh, how convenient," Harry says jokingly. "You only show up after I've put all the shopping away."

Death shrugs, now looking like a giant black vulture. "What are you making for dinner?" he asks boredly, perched (threateningly) on the kitchen bench.

Harry bites his lip and looks around, the cupboards and fridge still open, displaying he food he just packed away. "Maybe pierogi? The blueberry one is really nice and ice cream goes well with it."

"It'll still be better than what I can do."

Harry hums, already collecting the ingredients and shutting doors as he goes. "Cooking isn't exactly difficult, you just have to get used to it."

"No, I mean I kill everything I touch," Death clarifies. "Food rots if I handle it."

Harry blinks, arms full of ingredients. "Please don't come near me. Ever."

Death smirks.

Harry is one hundred percent certain he's going to have nightmares about vultures smirking.

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Harry collapses onto the couch with a groan. "I ate too much. Death, help."

Death raises an eyebrow, now resting on the back of a couch. "Asking for a mercy killing already? I honestly thought you'd last longer."

"Really?" Harry asks, a bit touched at the thought of Death having faith in his ability to last for more than a day and a half.

"No."

Harry sighs but he honestly expected that. He flops sideways across the three-seater couch. "I think I'm going to visit Tom tomorrow, see what his personality is like."

There's no point in trying to find a nice family if Harry doesn't know what Tom would want in a set of parents. It's going to be difficult to find a couple who wants to adopt because Harry can't exactly ask random people in the street if they want a slightly terrifying child.

Harry's going to aim to get Tom parents that are active in both the magical world and the muggle, preferably half-bloods, but Harry is also very sceptical that he's going to be able to be that picky.

His main goal is to just get Tom out of the orphanage, where he killed a bunny and hated absolutely everyone, and into a pleasant family who can focus their entire attention on the tiny Dark Lord and love him.

The problem with the orphanage is that the workers have so many children to look after and Tom needs extra care. Of course, Harry could leave him there and just try to train him but Tom might revert if he's left to his own devices.

So Harry will try to make friends with a prospective family and subtly slide in there that Tom is a really sweet child and so adorable and wouldn't it be nice to have him as a son?

The friendship with the couple will also help because Harry still has to condition the child into being a good person through lots and lots of carrot (because if he uses the stick, Tom will probably take it and stab Harry through the stomach).

Harry needs to be a known figure in the boy's life, an extra push to stay away from the bad decisions on top of also having loving parents. The 'loving' part is very important because links to other humans help people steer clear of genocidal thoughts.

Having a sister or brother would help, Harry thinks hesitantly. Maybe it'll become sibling rivalry but it's also another person for Tom to become close to and do children things with.

And, well, while Harry's indoctrinating one Dark Lord, he might as well add another, right? Kind of like a two-for-one special.

Yeah, that definitely sounds like a good idea that won't backfire in the end.

"I can sense your stupidity from over here," Death deadpans. "It's like a bad taste in the back of my throat."

"Don't you have puppies to kill?" Harry snaps back.