Two for One

Chapter 14: Birthday

Gellert crawls on top of Harry's back. "I want a cake for breakfast today."

Harry sighs into the pillow, blearily squinting his eyes open after the jolting shook him awake.

"It's my birthday," Gellert says, diving under the quilt and snuggling up to Harry's side cutely. "You must obey me."

"Why didn't you give me any warning?" Harry turns to face the boy and gets a mouthful of fluffy blond hair for all his trouble. Harry jerks his head back. "Blugh. I mean happy birthday, but it's like five in the morning, so go bother your brother."

Gellert rolls his eyes. "You know Tom doesn't get up until the sun is up too."

Harry grumbles because he doesn't want to get up until it's lunch time. "Go play with Mooney then."

"He's nocturnal."

"Yeah, and it's practically still night so off you go."

Gellert manages to drag Harry off the bed after some struggle. Harry flops on the ground and doesn't move. Gellert gets Mooney, though the creature can hardly fit through the doors, and Harry is dragged downstairs by the ankle.

Tom wakes up at some point, probably due to the creaking of the floorboards as the house tries to take Mooney's massive weight. Tom appears with a snake as a jumper, the reptile's lower half still being dragged across the floor because Tom is too small for a snake that big.

Because Harry was right, and the snakes are magical, and they're all over three metres long now. The one in his shoe still seems to be keeping its initial size though, so it's probably a different species altogether.

"What are we doing?" Tom asks, standing a safe distance away with his arms crossed and hair looking like a miniature tornado zoomed across his scalp.

"Cake!" Gellert cheers.

"Why?"

"My birthday!"

Tom's eyes go wide, and he grabs Gellert by the arm, dragging the blond a few steps away so they can whisper to each other.

Mooney drags Harry to the living room and lays down beside the wizard, tongue lolling out as its massive bulk takes up most of the space. Harry pets it on the head and it licks him.

Gellert walks up, Tom watching from the background. The blond shrugs, blinking innocently. "It's not my birthday, I got the date wrong."

Harry scoffs. "You'll be having guests over just like Tom had to, and you'll damn well pretend to enjoy it."

Gellert waves a hand vaguely. "No, no, no party necessary. I'd prefer a quieter celebration with just us." Gellert smiles. "Because we're family and I love you."

Harry smiles back. "Thank you, Gellert, I appreciate your lies. But no."

Tom scowls. "Why must we let those fools intrude on our home and be loud and eat our cake and cry when a snake tries to eat them back-"

"What?" Harry furrows his eyebrows as he sits up.

"Do you hear the kitten?" Gellert immediately asks as a distraction. "I think it's gotten into the cupboard again, eating the snacks."

The 'snacks' in question being the dead insects Harry has to sweep up occasionally because Death is basically a giant bug zapper. Harry doesn't even know if the kitten needs to eat, but it seems happy devouring other dead things, so Harry is just going with it.

Harry stands up from the floor and goes to check because it's entirely possible that the kitten has gotten into the bug jar again.

Tom winces a bit but swiftly recovers thanks to the time Gellert gives him. "Harry, you didn't have to deal with people on your birthday."

"I'm an adult, we stop having birthdays because we don't need an event to remind us how old we are," Harry lectures. He opens the cupboard door and starts searching the lowest shelf. "And if you don't want a party then I guess you're not having presents."

Gellert shares a look with Tom and they do the cute little huddle thing again.

Gellert pulls back and faces Harry again. "We will...agree to an additional five park visits if you stop allowing those people into our home."

Harry has mandated playground visits once a week to let them become more used to people. The boys have taken to the acting lessons well and can now manage a full half an hour of normal conversation without someone pausing and giving them a strange look.

"Ten park visits," Harry offers as he straightens up with a kitten in hand.

Tom hums and thinks he can bargain it down. "Five and I'll tell you what that strange creature does when you're asleep," he offers.

Harry blinks. "I'm sorry, which strange creature - because you're going to have to be more specific. Do you mean the giant dog thing, this inferi kitten, the Unspeakable who drops by, maybe the shapeshifter who you should not ever touch?" Harry raises an eyebrow. "Or perhaps you are referring to the snakes which seem to be multiplying every time I look away."

Tom pauses. "So anyway..."

"So anyway," Gellert urges and takes a step back in the negotiation as a distraction tactic. "Seven park visits and we'll tattle on the dark one the next time it makes the shadows scream."

Harry frowns because he should really have a talk with Death. (Or at least he hopes to Merlin it's Death doing that.) "Three, the screaming, and you stop bringing snakes in."

Gellert looks to Tom because those snakes don't belong to German boy.

Tom hesitates, the plan in his head falling behind the conversation. Harry could use the park meet up as the birthday party venue thereby making this entire conversation null, and this is the first time they've negotiated more visits so it will set a precedent for Harry to bargain for more later.

Tom really doesn't want to stop bringing in snakes either and the dark one has promised them not to tell Harry in exchange for showing the boys secrets. This argument will have consequences and Tom is losing control of the script.

Harry walks over and puts his hand to Tom's forehead. "You don't seem to be obviously sick. Is something wrong, Tom? Usually you're running rings around me by this point in our conversation."

The boy pouts. "It's too early."

Harry pats Tom on the head. "Go off to bed then. I'll make cake and scramble for a present I didn't know I needed to buy. You can try and convince me later; I'll be planning the party for around four in the afternoon so you have time."

"Okay," Tom says. He hugs Harry's waist, to pay for the mercy Harry has granted in not continuing the talk while Tom is off his game. Tom heads back upstairs with the end of his snake-coat dragging along behind him.

Gellert laces his fingers together in front of his chest. "Where were we? Oh, yes, about the party matter."

Harry raises an eyebrow. "You're better at convincing me to do something, Tom is better at convincing me not to do it. Are you sure you want to go at this yourself? I'll use your arguments to plan for my debate against your brother and that would give me an advantage."

Gellert pouts.

Harry dumps the kitten on Gellert's head. "Sit on the couch. I'll make your breakfast cake, and you can tell me what present you want."

"Can I have no more park visits as my present?"

Harry laughs. "The world is so cruel, isn't it?"