I had an unfortunate habit of falling in love easily. I seemed to have a hollowness in my life that I was so eager to fill that even the littlest display of care was enough to make me fall.
"Alam mo kung ano ang problema mo? Mababaw ka!" I could still hear my fifth ex's voice as she tried to explain why there was a man in the condo unit that I bought for her to use. "Kaya ka nagkagusto sa akin, 'di ba, kasi feeling mo ay kaya kong punan 'yung mga pagkukulang mo sa buhay?!" she had added as I watched her friend hastily put his pants on.
I had remained quiet.
"Paano naman ako, Bren?! Hindi mo ba naisip kung gaano ako ka-pressured to measure up to your standards, ha?!" she had shouted as the guy did not even bother donning his polo shirt and just ran out the bedroom door.
"Ang problema sa relasyong ito ay ako palagi ang umiintindi! Ako palagi ang nagbibigay!"
I had chosen to keep my silence opening the cabinet's door.
"Ano?! Aalis ka na naman?! Iiwan mo na naman ako rito?!" she had screamed. "Putang ina ka! Gan'yan ka na lang palagi! Kapag may problema ay tumatakas ka! Imbes na pag-usapan ay mas pinipili mong itulak ako palayo!"
I had turned to look at her. "I'm not leaving."
Relief had visibly flooded her face. "Mabuti at nakapag-isip-isip ka. You're losing me, Bren."
I had chuckled. "Putang ina, gaano ba ako katanga sa tingin mo?"
She had looked stunned. "Anong sabi mo?"
"Bakit ako aalis, eh, condo ko 'to? Nasa pangalan ko ang unit na 'to at pera ko ang ipambili ko rito. Association dues, electric bills, water bills, internet bills, cable bills, sa akin nakapangalan lahat at ako ang nagbabayad. Ano bang sa'yo rito?"
Her face had registered surprise.
"Ligpitin mo na mga gamit mo at nang makaalis ka na."
"Bren..." she had pleadingly issued wrapping her arms around my waist. "Bren, let's talk. Nalungkot lang ako kasi mag-isa ako rito. Ang tagal mo kasing nawala. Almost six days, Bren. I was without company for almost six days," she had said before moving her face to kiss my lips.
"Stop. I know na matagal na ang relasyon ninyong dalawa. The guards and the janitress told me na palagi s'yang pumupunta rito kapag wala ako."
"Mas pinapaniwalaan mo ang mga isang kahig at isang tukang 'yun kaysa akin—!"
"Oo," I had answered calmly. "Mas disenteng mga tao 'yun kaysa sa'yo. Mas may prinsipyo pa 'yung mga tinatawag mong isang kahig, isang tuka. Besides, sino ka para mangmaliit ng ibang tao? Saang hacienda ka ba lumaki?"
"Bren, you're hurting me..." she had told before she started sobbing.
I ignored her as I continued removing her things from the cabinets.
"Bren, please...please...I'll change. I promise it won't happen again," she had said crying as she grabbed my hand in both of hers. "Natukso lang ako. He knew that I was missing you and he took advantage of my weakness—"
"Seryoso ka?" I had asked in disbelief.
"Please, Bren, mag-usap tayo. Please, nagmamakaawa ako," she had begged as I pulled her clothes off the hangers. "Pag-usapan natin 'to. Mamatay ako kapag wala ka, Bren. Hindi ko kaya. Patawarin mo na ako. Please, Bren!"
I had huffed and she then followed me to the kitchen weeping in earnest. "I know na nagkamali ako! Bren, I am not perfect! Pero, please give me another chance!" she had said as I opened the counter to pull out a roll of garbage bags. "Bren, you are not perfect, too. Pero, pinapatawad ko lahat ng pagkukulang mo. Please, give me another chance..."
