The Reckoning - Book Two

Chapter Two - Demwyn

"Why haven't we received a message yet?" I demand as I walk towards my office, guards stand at attention, watching me as I pass.

"I expect a message any day now Your Majesty. It does take time to settle and make camp as you may recall." Varis answers quickly, his footsteps close to mine, like an echo they follow me wherever I go.

It wasn't the answer I wanted. I wanted a message. I wanted to know they had reached their destination. I wanted to know that our plan was going well. I wanted to know that they are safe, well as safe as they could be.

I walk into my office and take a seat behind the familiar dark oak desk.

It still feels like I am merely playing king and father will walk in at any moment and tell me to get out of his seat.

"I just wanted to remind you Your Majesty that you have a meeting with the coin master today, as well as several High Lords." Varis prattles on and I stare at the pile of paperwork sitting in front of me. It seemed to replenish itself overnight, like a never ending pile of responsibility it grew with no end in sight.

I don't want to have meetings with the coin master or High Lords. I don't want to sit and discuss currency and trade, or listen to the High Lords prattle on about their duty and obligations and whatever complaints they have come to lay on my shoulders.

My hand longed for my sword, my muscles itched to fight and my ears strained to hear horse hooves and the sounds of war.

"There is also the matter of you choosing a Queen." Varis says, catching my attention.

"What of it?" I ask looking up at him. As always he is dressed impeccably, not a single hair out of place and the always confident expression on his face.

"Well as King it is your duty to choose a new Queen and produce heirs for the Kingdom and its people. With the selection being postponed we cannot wait for the war to be over and the selection to take place. I suggest you choose a wife as soon as possible so we can announce it officially and you can be wed and the new queen can have her coronation." He answers and I feel my muscles tighten.

I know he is right, that it was only a matter of time before he bought it up but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

"With everything happening right now and my brothers off fighting this war, choosing a wife is the least of my concerns. I understand it is my duty to choose a wife and I will do so. I know I cannot wait for the selection and I do not intend to. I will not however, be rushed into such a serious decision when my thoughts are elsewhere." I reply, knowing and accepting yet another responsibility and its importance.

"Of course Your Majesty, choosing a new Queen is indeed a serious decision and I understand your need to be certain of your choice. I can arrange events for the chosen to attend so you can spend time with them again." He offers with a hopeful expression that I do not share.

"Perhaps, I will need to think on my previous decision and decide if it was the right one." I reply dismissively, wanting this conversation to be over.

Actually what I wanted was for this entire obligation to be over, yet another thing that was out of my control. Even the choice of who I married felt out of my control, left to choose from only those I have been told to choose from. What if none of them were the right one? Was there even such a thing as the right one?

"Yes Your Majesty," He replies with a nod. "Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to aid you in your decision making."

"That will be all for now." I say with a dismissive wave, wanting to be free of him.

Varis bows before leaving me alone.

I let out a heavy sigh. It seemed wherever I went Varis was right there just inches away, hanging on to my every word, listening to every conversation. How had father managed it? It felt like having a leech stuck to my skin sucking my blood dry, only it was my patience he was draining and I had little to give even on a good day.

Gods, choosing a wife.

I had been ready to do it, before everything changed, knowing it was my duty. And now, I know I would do it, I am honour bound to serve, even if it meant committing myself to something I didn't feel ready for.

How had they done it? My parents didn't even know each other before they married, they had no choice in any of it. And yet, they had fallen in love, was it pure luck or something more?

The brief relationships I had in the past did not give me confidence that I would make a good husband. Not that they were intended to be anything more than fleeting, but even those ended quickly.

Whoever I chose would have no say in it, they would commit themselves to me for their entire life and I to them and we would just have to what, hope for the best?

I knew I would need more than hope. I was too flawed, too set in my own ways, my own self, my own life. To know I would then have to accept someone as being part of it felt like an inconvenience.

My idea of marriage was nothing like what mother and father had experienced and I doubted it ever would be.

No, it would be more of an agreement, the kingdom needed a Queen and I needed heirs. To get both I would need a wife. It was a business transaction. I'm sure the chosen would love to hear it put so romantically. I'm choosing you to give me the things I need in order to be a good king, you are a means to an end.

That's what it was, wasn't it? A means to an end. How could it be anything more when I didn't even know the woman I would marry? Even if we did get along, even if in the long shot that the woman I chose was unlike all the others I had known and would accept me and my ways without wanting to change me or expecting more than I could give. Even if that impossible scenario happened, it wouldn't mean we would be more than business partners.

Affection may grow over time, a partnership may be present, she will do her duty and I would do mine.

Why wouldn't I want such a thing? Why wouldn't I want that enormous responsibility in such a time?

I growl under my breath as I push myself back from the desk and standing, needing to move, to pace, to do something instead of just sit. I felt like I sat too much. I wasn't used to it, didn't enjoy it.

I turn to the window that overlooks the gardens and the wood in the distance. What I would give to be out there instead of stuck here surrounded by these four walls, responsibility and the ever crushing duty I had sworn myself to.

I was the most powerful man in the entire Kingdom and yet I felt entirely powerless.

Was that what it truly meant to rule? You bound yourself to your Kingdom, to your people, to the rules and laws that govern the world around you and instead of ruling you merely follow.

You follow the laws that have been in existence long before you came into this world and know will be here long after you are dead and buried in the earth.

You adhere to the rules that you are bound to enforce so that you can show your people that you are an example, someone to follow and look up to, all the while wishing you could change them, or somehow be exempt from them and make your own rules.

What would the people do if they knew how their King truly felt about his new life and the crown that came with it?

Would they have sympathy? Would they pity me? Would they do their best to understand and accept that I am only a male and doing the best I can?

Or would they turn against me? Would they see me for the fraud I am and revolt? Would they demand a new King and strip me of my title?

Would I blame them if they did?

All I could do was hope that they never found out.